Is it ever appropriate to ask someone if her children are her bio kids or her husband
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13-01-2013, 04:48 PM
Is it ever appropriate to ask someone if her children are her bio kids or her husband
Husband's?

I have a dear old friend that I have not seen since I was in my twenties. We connected on Facebook, and all of a sudden she has like 4 kids that are way older than average for someone her age. I have been wondering if they are her.... biological kids, or if she married into a mixed family. I would never ask her though. Family is the people you love that love you back, it doesn't have to have blood ties imho. I'm still curious though.
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13-01-2013, 05:00 PM
Is it ever appropriate.....
(13-01-2013 04:48 PM)happy cricket Wrote:  Husband's?

I have a dear old friend that I have not seen since I was in my twenties. We connected on Facebook, and all of a sudden she has like 4 kids that are way older than average for someone her age. I have been wondering if they are her.... biological kids, or if she married into a mixed family. I would never ask her though. Family is the people you love that love you back, it doesn't have to have blood ties imho. I'm still curious though.
There is no harm in asking. You can be polite about it without causing offense. I ask my friends stuff all the time, thats what friends are about. Its acquaintances that I wouldnt really be bothered about.

My FB message would be something like this.

"Hey (friend) its great to see you after all this time, I see you have 4 children now... wow. When did that happen lol"

You dont have to ask directly, just start a convo about them and your friend will more than likely tell you.

For no matter how much I use these symbols, to describe symptoms of my existence.
You are your own emphasis.
So I say nothing.

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13-01-2013, 05:19 PM
RE: Is it ever appropriate.....
(13-01-2013 05:00 PM)bemore Wrote:  
(13-01-2013 04:48 PM)happy cricket Wrote:  Husband's?

I have a dear old friend that I have not seen since I was in my twenties. We connected on Facebook, and all of a sudden she has like 4 kids that are way older than average for someone her age. I have been wondering if they are her.... biological kids, or if she married into a mixed family. I would never ask her though. Family is the people you love that love you back, it doesn't have to have blood ties imho. I'm still curious though.
There is no harm in asking. You can be polite about it without causing offense. I ask my friends stuff all the time, thats what friends are about. Its acquaintances that I wouldnt really be bothered about.

My FB message would be something like this.

"Hey (friend) its great to see you after all this time, I see you have 4 children now... wow. When did that happen lol"

You dont have to ask directly, just start a convo about them and your friend will more than likely tell you.

That's a lot nicer than the neighbor who after seeing our baby asked me...."oh when did you adopt?"

My reply was, "Er, we didn't..."

(Uncomfortable silence...)

Me: "Oh look at the time..."

Seriously I'd been waddling around for months....guess she just thought I was fat and lost a shit load of weight in a week....or she just never paid attention and stuck her foot in her mouth.


Wind's in the east, a mist coming in
Like something is brewing and about to begin
Can't put my finger on what lies in store
but I feel what's to happen has happened before...


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13-01-2013, 05:28 PM
RE: Is it ever appropriate to ask someone
Hmm...well, it may be goaded out, like bemore suggested. Another route
would to just ask her privately if you feel comfortable doing so (it all
depends on your relationship with her and her personality). Another
option is to just try and steer the conversation toward that topic and
hope she wants to share that information, or just hope it comes up
organically and be patient. Otherwise you could live in curiosity. You
would know the better than some random person on the internet who
doesn't *really* know you (whatever that means), or the other party at
all. Good luck.

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13-01-2013, 07:53 PM
RE:
I'm of the personal opinion that there are no "inappropriate" questions. Questions such as "How old are you?" (when asking a woman) or "When was the first time you had sex?" are valid. A person may be offended for whatever reason that I've never understood, but if a situation or circumstance bears making an inquiry, there is no logical reason not to. Knowledge is power.

If something has piqued your curiosity and you wish to ask for clarification, by all means, do so. Smile

Edit: And if she gets offended and asks "Are you calling me a whore?", simply respond "Not at all. I just noticed X and was wondering why that would be."

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13-01-2013, 08:01 PM
Re: Is it ever appropriate to ask
Im not sure why people expect to stay un-offended in life.
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13-01-2013, 08:05 PM
RE:
(13-01-2013 07:53 PM)Misanthropik Wrote:  I'm of the personal opinion that there are no "inappropriate" questions. Questions such as "How old are you?" (when asking a woman) or "When was the first time you had sex?" are valid. A person may be offended for whatever reason that I've never understood, but if a situation or circumstance bears making an inquiry, there is no logical reason not to. Knowledge is power.

If something has piqued your curiosity and you wish to ask for clarification, by all means, do so. Smile

Edit: And if she gets offended and asks "Are you calling me a whore?", simply respond "Not at all. I just noticed X and was wondering why that would be."


So, good manners count for nothing? Making another person uncomfortable, paine, or embarrassed is of no importance?

You sound like namiloveyou.

Skepticism is not a position; it is an approach to claims.
Science is not a subject, but a method.
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13-01-2013, 08:06 PM
RE: Is it ever appropriate to ask
(13-01-2013 08:01 PM)TheBlackKnight Wrote:  Im not sure why people expect to stay un-offended in life.


No, but people have every right to expect others to not be assholes.

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Science is not a subject, but a method.
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13-01-2013, 08:11 PM
RE:
(13-01-2013 08:05 PM)Chas Wrote:  
(13-01-2013 07:53 PM)Misanthropik Wrote:  I'm of the personal opinion that there are no "inappropriate" questions. Questions such as "How old are you?" (when asking a woman) or "When was the first time you had sex?" are valid. A person may be offended for whatever reason that I've never understood, but if a situation or circumstance bears making an inquiry, there is no logical reason not to. Knowledge is power.

If something has piqued your curiosity and you wish to ask for clarification, by all means, do so. Smile

Edit: And if she gets offended and asks "Are you calling me a whore?", simply respond "Not at all. I just noticed X and was wondering why that would be."


So, good manners count for nothing? Making another person uncomfortable, paine, or embarrassed is of no importance?

You sound like namiloveyou.
Manners are fine, Chas. But questions are harmless. The fact that an individual may become uncomfortable, pained, or embarrassed is entirely on them. There's no reason to be offended by simple questions. If they are deemed too intrusive and the individual wishes to withhold their answer, they have every right to do so. But there is no reason to be offended by the question itself.

Through profound pain comes profound knowledge.
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13-01-2013, 08:32 PM
RE:
(13-01-2013 08:11 PM)Misanthropik Wrote:  
(13-01-2013 08:05 PM)Chas Wrote:  So, good manners count for nothing? Making another person uncomfortable, paine, or embarrassed is of no importance?

You sound like namiloveyou.
Manners are fine, Chas. But questions are harmless. The fact that an individual may become uncomfortable, pained, or embarrassed is entirely on them. There's no reason to be offended by simple questions. If they are deemed too intrusive and the individual wishes to withhold their answer, they have every right to do so. But there is no reason to be offended by the question itself.


No, it is simply rude to ask intrusive questions. It puts a person in an uncomfortable position. You are violating that person's space - it is an assault.

Skepticism is not a position; it is an approach to claims.
Science is not a subject, but a method.
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