Is it so much to ask...
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09-08-2013, 07:31 AM
Is it so much to ask...
...that a man take a f@#%ing shower with some degree of regularity? I swear a rabid skunk would bathe more than my husband does. It's just one of those things that brings to my mind the inequalities in our relationship that had me putting a divorce attorney on speed dial - that I have always made an effort to look and smell nice, both for him and because I take pride in my appearance. Is it so much to ask that he do the same for me? Censored

I waffle back and forth on this issue. On the one hand, it seems like a smallish issue and a superficial one at that. I mean, when it comes to the big picture, does it really matter? But on the other hand, I feel like I deserve from him the same amount of effort I'm going to.

Be honest with me here. Is this something stupid to get riled up about? Or am I justified in my irritation over the issue?

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09-08-2013, 07:59 AM
RE: Is it so much to ask...
Yes,you can be mad. No1 wants a smelly person in bed

I don't really like going outside.
It's too damn "peopley" out there....
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09-08-2013, 08:03 AM
RE: Is it so much to ask...
I think your expectation of your husband to perform a regular personal hygiene regimen is perfectly acceptable.

In other words, tell that stinky asshole that if he don't get his ass in the shower he can sleep in the fucking car!

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09-08-2013, 08:09 AM
RE: Is it so much to ask...
Have you tried to find out the real reason for his aversion to washing up?

Isn't this interfering in the rest of his life (work, friends) too?

Is it an isolated thing or does he have a general aversion to cleaning?

Or is it a reaction of stubbornness to your asking him repeatedly?

Sounds like a job for a therapist, there has to be an underlying reason why he doesn't shower.

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09-08-2013, 08:26 AM
RE: Is it so much to ask...
As mentalmasturbation would say,he either doesnt wash because he is trying to get laid or he is frustrated that he doesnt get laid. Whats the last time he got laid?

I don't really like going outside.
It's too damn "peopley" out there....
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09-08-2013, 08:33 AM
RE: Is it so much to ask...
Is this new behavior or has he always been this way?

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09-08-2013, 09:09 AM
RE: Is it so much to ask...
(09-08-2013 08:09 AM)Dom Wrote:  Have you tried to find out the real reason for his aversion to washing up?

Isn't this interfering in the rest of his life (work, friends) too?

Is it an isolated thing or does he have a general aversion to cleaning?

Or is it a reaction of stubbornness to your asking him repeatedly?

Sounds like a job for a therapist, there has to be an underlying reason why he doesn't shower.

I've brought it up before, yes, and he basically chalks it up to laziness. He says that even as a kid, if his mom told him to go get cleaned up, he would, more often than not, just shut the bathroom door, run the water, and then come out later claiming to have washed up when he'd just sat there the whole time. Sometimes his mom caught him in the lie and sometimes she didn't. (I'm assuming he changed his clothes so as to further the appearance that he had actually obeyed her.) Even now there are times when he'll shower, but not wash his hair. I just don't get it.

Oddly enough, it doesn't seem to interfere with work/friends, but who knows what they say behind his back? When he and I were first dating, the friend of mine who'd set us up confided in me that before he'd met me, he would frequently smell bad but that since meeting me, he smelled nice all the time. I, to this very day, don't know whether he actually was showering up at the time when we were dating or if he just doused himself in cologne, but I can say that he did always smell nice (like cologne). Seems he's fallen into old habits again or something.

As far as his work goes, he works in a warehouse that isn't air-conditioned so pretty much everyone in there is sweaty and stinky at some point. I doubt they notice due to the nature of the work environment itself.

I wouldn't say he has an aversion to cleaning, per se, (although I admit I'm thinking of cleaning in the sense of cleaning house, etc.) but he does lack in personal hygiene and care for his own health in general. He frequently forgets to brush his teeth, hardly ever shaves, and is greatly overweight. So yeah, it just seems like he doesn't give a shit.

I don't think it's a stubborn reaction because I've only recently brought it up to him that I wish he would work on his personal hygiene. For years on end I didn't say a damn thing about it because I would just pray about it and I thought that bringing it up would be disrespectful to him. Anyway, he says that I am overly concerned with my own cleanliness and there'll be plenty of time when he'll want to go out and do something and I'll say I need to hop in the bath/shower real quick because my hair needs washing and he'll say it looks just fine. I don't know if he thinks that if his expectations of me are low then mine in turn will be low for him?

It's just so frustrating. On the one hand, I feel it is my fault - after all, I didn't say anything about it for many, many years (for reasons stated above) and so that made it seem like I was okay with it. So my bringing it up now sort of casts me as a bitch. Plus, my mom did emphasize looks WAY too much and so I wonder too if maybe I'm making too big a deal about it.

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09-08-2013, 09:11 AM
RE: Is it so much to ask...
I shower every day. Drinking Beverage

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09-08-2013, 09:11 AM
RE: Is it so much to ask...
(09-08-2013 08:26 AM)Lightvader Wrote:  As mentalmasturbation would say,he either doesnt wash because he is trying to get laid or he is frustrated that he doesnt get laid. Whats the last time he got laid?

Laugh out load He gets laid all the time (I have a higher sex drive than him) so it can't be that. If it were up to me, he'd get laid every day, but he keeps me to an every-other-day schedule, lol.

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09-08-2013, 09:13 AM
RE: Is it so much to ask...
(09-08-2013 09:11 AM)Escape Artist Wrote:  Laugh out load He gets laid all the time (I have a higher sex drive than him) so it can't be that. If it were up to me, he'd get laid every day, but he keeps me to an every-other-day schedule, lol.

Some of the shit I read here. Blink

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