Is it so much to ask...
Post Reply
 
Thread Rating:
  • 0 Votes - 0 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
09-08-2013, 10:13 AM
RE: Is it so much to ask...
(09-08-2013 09:45 AM)Logica Humano Wrote:  Men do, so why not you?

That's how I feel about it. I just want to be treated equally. But it's a rare thing (at least for me) to come across men who even talk about sex in front of me. Or if they do, they tone it down to a PG version. Maybe I look innocent or something?

I dunno, but I - strangely enough - hate it when men tone down their sexual talk to a PG level (or cut it out entirely) when I'm around. I just want them to say whatever they would say with their buddies*. I keep thinking that y'all (in closed company) talk about some magical sex secrets or techniques that I'm missing out on and could use myself. Big Grin

*Though I admit I'd be hurt if I heard fellow women being referred to with little or no respect.

Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
09-08-2013, 10:15 AM
RE: Is it so much to ask...
(09-08-2013 10:00 AM)Escape Artist Wrote:  
(09-08-2013 09:45 AM)Dom Wrote:  It does sound like he could use a therapist.

How about sex in the shower? All kinds of fun to be had soaping each other up etc. etc. Attach some special reward to it, something he really wants (not necessarily sexual). Like a favorite dish or whatever rocks his boat...

More and more in therapy they have people negotiate deals. (Duh, been doing that all my life). If you take a shower on xday, or twice a week, or whatever, I'll do xxx for you.

If you like him otherwise, I wouldn't throw the baby out because there is no bathwater. Tongue I'd make a deal.

Thanks for the ideas. I'll have to give them a go and see what happens. And yeah, I do like him otherwise. It's not so much the "eww, you're dirty" that bothers me. It's that I feel like if he saw me as valuable, as something worth holding onto, then he'd make an effort to look nice, smell nice, in the interest of keeping me. For my part, I know that just because we're married doesn't mean that I have a license to get all slovenly or that he's suddenly incapable of being attracted to anyone else. I try to keep myself up as best I can so as to remind him of what he's got at home. (If that makes a lick of sense). I guess I just dislike the notion that some married folks get that they've "got you" so now they can sit back and let themselves go.

It has nothing to do with you. He did it as a kid. It has to do with his mom. If you take it personal, you are hurting yourself, he's not the one hurting you. He is just being who he was (most likely inadvertently) taught to be. It may seem like a trivial thing to you, (just hop in the shower already), but for him it's an ingrained psychological thing.

[Image: dobie.png]

Science is the process we've designed to be responsible for generating our best guess as to what the fuck is going on. Girly Man
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 1 user Likes Dom's post
09-08-2013, 10:16 AM
RE: Is it so much to ask...
Quote:*Though I admit I'd be hurt if I heard fellow women being referred to with little or no respect.

Then shut your whore mouth and be thankful they tone it down. Big Grin

[Image: 3cdac7eec8f6b059070d9df56f50a7ae.jpg]
Now with 40% more awesome.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
09-08-2013, 10:16 AM
RE: Is it so much to ask...
Resistance since childhood sounds like early childhood trauma to me. Maybe not abuse-in-the-bath type, but maybe bathing was used as a threat or punishment? Even a couple of instances of that can create lifelong difficulties, like food aversions. e.g., "You are going to eat that broccoli if I have to shove it down your throat!"

Not eating broccoli isn't a problem, not bathing is. If he has other depressive symptoms, an antidepressant might do the trick. Talk therapy can be pretty intense, but it might help too. And like Dom said, rewards help.

I need to go bathe now...

I AM he who is called... cat furniture.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
09-08-2013, 10:19 AM
RE: Is it so much to ask...
(09-08-2013 09:45 AM)Dom Wrote:  It does sound like he could use a therapist.

How about sex in the shower? All kinds of fun to be had soaping each other up etc. etc. Attach some special reward to it, something he really wants (not necessarily sexual). Like a favorite dish or whatever rocks his boat...
aaarg! Dom,stop making me wanting to be him!
On the other hand.he has sex every other day,so promised xxx in the shower wont help

I don't really like going outside.
It's too damn "peopley" out there....
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
09-08-2013, 10:22 AM
RE: Is it so much to ask...
(09-08-2013 10:19 AM)Lightvader Wrote:  
(09-08-2013 09:45 AM)Dom Wrote:  It does sound like he could use a therapist.

How about sex in the shower? All kinds of fun to be had soaping each other up etc. etc. Attach some special reward to it, something he really wants (not necessarily sexual). Like a favorite dish or whatever rocks his boat...
aaarg! Dom,stop making me wanting to be him!
On the other hand.he has sex every other day,so promised xxx in the shower wont help

Sex every other day can get boring, mixing it up a bit can even get her what she really wants - daily sex.

[Image: dobie.png]

Science is the process we've designed to be responsible for generating our best guess as to what the fuck is going on. Girly Man
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
09-08-2013, 10:27 AM
RE: Is it so much to ask...
(09-08-2013 10:16 AM)earmuffs Wrote:  
Quote:*Though I admit I'd be hurt if I heard fellow women being referred to with little or no respect.

Then shut your whore mouth and be thankful they tone it down. Big Grin

Hmph. But I want to have my cake and eat it, too.

Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
09-08-2013, 10:30 AM
RE: Is it so much to ask...
(09-08-2013 10:22 AM)Dom Wrote:  
(09-08-2013 10:19 AM)Lightvader Wrote:  aaarg! Dom,stop making me wanting to be him!
On the other hand.he has sex every other day,so promised xxx in the shower wont help

Sex every other day can get boring, mixing it up a bit can even get her what she really wants - daily sex.

I want this daily sex you speak of. Tongue Teach me the ways of mixing it up, oh wise one and I will be forever grateful. Big Grin

Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
09-08-2013, 10:31 AM
RE: Is it so much to ask...
(09-08-2013 10:22 AM)Dom Wrote:  
(09-08-2013 10:19 AM)Lightvader Wrote:  aaarg! Dom,stop making me wanting to be him!
On the other hand.he has sex every other day,so promised xxx in the shower wont help

Sex every other day can get boring, mixing it up a bit can even get her what she really wants - daily sex.

nuhuh,sex never gets boring!
There is always variation

I don't really like going outside.
It's too damn "peopley" out there....
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
11-08-2013, 08:47 AM
RE: Is it so much to ask...
(09-08-2013 10:15 AM)Dom Wrote:  It has nothing to do with you. He did it as a kid. It has to do with his mom. If you take it personal, you are hurting yourself, he's not the one hurting you. He is just being who he was (most likely inadvertently) taught to be. It may seem like a trivial thing to you, (just hop in the shower already), but for him it's an ingrained psychological thing.

I agree with Dom. I think it's mommy/authority issues. Don't take it personally.
However, he doesn't have sex with his mommy (hopefully). Your desires are not unjustified. Parallel it with your willingness to engage in which ever positions, outfits (orifices?) he desires, and let him know this is what you desire.

You can lead a theist to reason, but, you cannot make him think.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
Post Reply
Forum Jump: