Is it so much to ask...
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11-08-2013, 09:32 AM
RE: Is it so much to ask...
Escape artist,did dom's suggestion work?

I don't really like going outside.
It's too damn "peopley" out there....
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11-08-2013, 10:03 AM
RE: Is it so much to ask...
(09-08-2013 10:30 AM)Escape Artist Wrote:  I want this daily sex you speak of. Tongue Teach me the ways of mixing it up, oh wise one and I will be forever grateful. Big Grin
Tell him to rent/download 9 1/2 Weeks, but to watch it as an instructional video rather than just a movie.
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12-08-2013, 12:38 PM
RE: Is it so much to ask...
(11-08-2013 08:47 AM)NoSkyDaddy Wrote:  
(09-08-2013 10:15 AM)Dom Wrote:  It has nothing to do with you. He did it as a kid. It has to do with his mom. If you take it personal, you are hurting yourself, he's not the one hurting you. He is just being who he was (most likely inadvertently) taught to be. It may seem like a trivial thing to you, (just hop in the shower already), but for him it's an ingrained psychological thing.

I agree with Dom. I think it's mommy/authority issues. Don't take it personally.
However, he doesn't have sex with his mommy (hopefully). Your desires are not unjustified. Parallel it with your willingness to engage in which ever positions, outfits (orifices?) he desires, and let him know this is what you desire.

Thanks. I admit I hadn't really thought of it Dom's way - that it really isn't about me, it's something that came of his childhood. I'm going to try and figure out what might have caused it, without being too nosy.

And I'll have to put on my thinking cap and get creative with the variation stuff. I just feel so stumped sometimes as to what he wants or would like. When we were first dating, I always initiated. We joke around even now that I took advantage of him, lol.

Anyway, there are times now where it seems like he gets annoyed because I'm always after him for it. He says that a lot of times I just don't give him a chance to build up a desire for it.

As far as variety, it feels like for the most part, I've been the one to desire variety, not him. Unless he is just too nervous to tell me what he wants? I've mentioned lots of stuff in the past - toys, roleplay, etc. but he insists that he's happy with the status quo - it's just that he doesn't want it quite as often as I do. He did, a while back, go along with some new things that I wanted us to try out and said he enjoyed them, too, but even that didn't open him up to telling me new things that he'd like to do.

What can you do? :shrug:

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12-08-2013, 12:42 PM
RE: Is it so much to ask...
(11-08-2013 09:32 AM)Lightvader Wrote:  Escape artist,did dom's suggestion work?

Haven't had a chance to try 'em out yet. I felt like absolute shit this weekend (allergies) and so didn't push for sex and he didn't either. The one night where I would have been up for something, he ended up working late so by the time he got home, I had just enough energy to close my eyes and that was it.

But, today is a brand new day and my allergies are under control, thank... Thor? Big Grin So I'll see what I can manage.

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12-08-2013, 01:10 PM
RE: Is it so much to ask...
(12-08-2013 12:38 PM)Escape Artist Wrote:  Anyway, there are times now where it seems like he gets annoyed because I'm always after him for it. He says that a lot of times I just don't give him a chance to build up a desire for it.

Ahh, there it is!

Mommy was after him for it and he got stubborn and found ways around it.

Wife is after him for it and he gets stubborn and finds ways around it.

What's wrong with this picture?

You see what is happening there? The more you bring it up, the less he will do it...

Again, the issue is with his mom. Every time you push for it, his defense system snaps. He regresses to where the origin of the issue was. The outcome is predictable. You become his mom, and all the baggage that is obviously there rests on you.

You both lose at that moment.

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12-08-2013, 01:30 PM
RE: Is it so much to ask...
(12-08-2013 01:10 PM)Dom Wrote:  Ahh, there it is!

Mommy was after him for it and he got stubborn and found ways around it.

Wife is after him for it and he gets stubborn and finds ways around it.

What's wrong with this picture?

You see what is happening there? The more you bring it up, the less he will do it...

Again, the issue is with his mom. Every time you push for it, his defense system snaps. He regresses to where the origin of the issue was. The outcome is predictable. You become his mom, and all the baggage that is obviously there rests on you.

You both lose at that moment.

That makes sense. But then I run into the problem of, if I don't ask for it/push for it, he takes FOREVER to make a move on me. Hmm. I've gotta find some way of asking for it, without actually asking for it.

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12-08-2013, 02:22 PM
RE: Is it so much to ask...
(12-08-2013 01:30 PM)Escape Artist Wrote:  That makes sense. But then I run into the problem of, if I don't ask for it/push for it, he takes FOREVER to make a move on me. Hmm. I've gotta find some way of asking for it, without actually asking for it.

Try stroking his noodly appendage while he's sleeping. He should wake up in a freindly mood. Evil_monster

You can lead a theist to reason, but, you cannot make him think.
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12-08-2013, 03:07 PM
RE: Is it so much to ask...
(12-08-2013 12:38 PM)Escape Artist Wrote:  
(11-08-2013 08:47 AM)NoSkyDaddy Wrote:  I agree with Dom. I think it's mommy/authority issues. Don't take it personally.
However, he doesn't have sex with his mommy (hopefully). Your desires are not unjustified. Parallel it with your willingness to engage in which ever positions, outfits (orifices?) he desires, and let him know this is what you desire.

Thanks. I admit I hadn't really thought of it Dom's way - that it really isn't about me, it's something that came of his childhood. I'm going to try and figure out what might have caused it, without being too nosy.

And I'll have to put on my thinking cap and get creative with the variation stuff. I just feel so stumped sometimes as to what he wants or would like. When we were first dating, I always initiated. We joke around even now that I took advantage of him, lol.

Anyway, there are times now where it seems like he gets annoyed because I'm always after him for it. He says that a lot of times I just don't give him a chance to build up a desire for it.

As far as variety, it feels like for the most part, I've been the one to desire variety, not him. Unless he is just too nervous to tell me what he wants? I've mentioned lots of stuff in the past - toys, roleplay, etc. but he insists that he's happy with the status quo - it's just that he doesn't want it quite as often as I do. He did, a while back, go along with some new things that I wanted us to try out and said he enjoyed them, too, but even that didn't open him up to telling me new things that he'd like to do.

What can you do? :shrug:

Trade him in on a new one?

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12-08-2013, 04:17 PM
RE: Is it so much to ask...
(12-08-2013 01:30 PM)Escape Artist Wrote:  
(12-08-2013 01:10 PM)Dom Wrote:  Ahh, there it is!

Mommy was after him for it and he got stubborn and found ways around it.

Wife is after him for it and he gets stubborn and finds ways around it.

What's wrong with this picture?

You see what is happening there? The more you bring it up, the less he will do it...

Again, the issue is with his mom. Every time you push for it, his defense system snaps. He regresses to where the origin of the issue was. The outcome is predictable. You become his mom, and all the baggage that is obviously there rests on you.

You both lose at that moment.

That makes sense. But then I run into the problem of, if I don't ask for it/push for it, he takes FOREVER to make a move on me. Hmm. I've gotta find some way of asking for it, without actually asking for it.

I once dated a guy that was super clean. He told me that when he was growing up he just didn't want to take a shower. It took too much time out of his life or something. Then he joined the army and was forced to take showers daily and keep his bedding clean, his gun clean, everything clean or he had to report for kp duty and scrub the kitchen. Apparently it made a huge impression on him because when he got out of the Army he kept up with the cleanliness.

Playing sports helps some guys learn to be clean. They have to take showers after football games and such. It becomes second nature to them after a while.

Now I know this doesn't help your problem but it does go to show you that people can change. And sometimes it takes some sort of a situation like the influence of working in a team with other guys that makes it happen. I donno. Could you maybe contact some of his co-workers for some help?

This is a problem.

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“That trunk of humours, that bolting-hutch of beastliness, that swollen parcel of dropsies, that huge bombard of sack, that stuffed cloak-bag of guts, that reverend vice, that grey Iniquity, that father ruffian, that vanity in years?”
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12-08-2013, 08:08 PM
RE: Is it so much to ask...
I am a semi fat and lazy man myself. I shower every single day. But I HATE to shave. Don't ask me why but I do. It feels bad to be dirty. I have no idea why he has an aversion to bathing.

On the sex thing, every other day can be hard for a man. We release a lot of energy into sex. When we push to far it can actually become painful. I have experienced this myself. After a certain point it can feel like we are "shooting blanks". This can be related to a testosterone problem. One of me friends had low T and he was like a zombie for a while. We thought he had cancer. You could be the hottest chick on earth and if he is drained it will not be fun. Its kind of like cooking. I love to cook, but if I am cooking because I have to, it is not enjoyable. Men would like to think we are a god in the bedroom with unlimited stamina, but that is never the case.

"Your mind is twice a valuable as your body. And your ears are twice as valuable as your mouth. People will pay you based on which you use." - A very smart old lawyer
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