Is it weird that I've never mourned a death?
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13-02-2012, 02:56 PM
Is it weird that I've never mourned a death?
I've had family members die. Friends and others that weren't friends but those that I knew. Athletes, celebs, etc. I've never once felt sad about someone dying. I have a very strong sense of empathy and compassion for the living but death just doesn't bother me. Even pets I've had that died didn't even make me frown.

In addition, I've also noticed that I don't seem to create the friendships that others seem to have. I have a lot of friends but none that I would call a best friend. Perhaps being thrown out of my house as a child so much and attending 9 schools in 12 years, then being in the Navy where people come and go like customers in a gas station has affected me psychologically. Aside from my wife and child, will I ever be able to have the kind of relationship with someone that just crushes me when they die? And if so, would that necessarily be a good thing?

“Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it's time to pause and reflect.”

-Mark Twain
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13-02-2012, 03:14 PM
RE: Is it weird that I've never mourned a death?
Do you know for sure that you don't feel sad, or is it that you don't let it in (you push it down, distract yourself from it)? How close were you to the closest person who died?
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13-02-2012, 03:30 PM
RE: Is it weird that I've never mourned a death?
Gotta say, I'm right there with you man. In fact, death of someone close to me has pretty much always been a relief, and afterward I've always wondered why I don't have the sadness other seem to have. I've never had someone especially close to me die suddenly, so maybe I'd feel differently?

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13-02-2012, 03:32 PM (This post was last modified: 13-02-2012 03:38 PM by satan69.)
RE: Is it weird that I've never mourned a death?
you probably realize that death happens to 100% of people, so you know it's no big deal. Its like feeling sad that someone cut their finger. It will happen to everyone eventually. the people that feel real sad when someone dies, are usually sad because they realize their own mortality, and that maybe they wont see their loved one ever again. thats what makes them sad. they bullshitted themselves into thinking there is a heaven, but when a close person dies, they think twice about it. my grandma and a few uncles died. I never cried for any of them. maybe im desensitized to life at this point. the older you get, the more people you know, and famous people you didnt know, die.
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13-02-2012, 03:33 PM
RE: Is it weird that I've never mourned a death?
What feeling do you get from that observation? Do you feel weird?

Observer

Agnostic atheist
Secular humanist
Emotional rationalist
Disclaimer: Don’t mix the personal opinion above with the absolute and objective truth. Remember to think for yourself. Thank you.
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13-02-2012, 04:04 PM
RE: Is it weird that I've never mourned a death?
Same here actually,when my father died my reaction was pretty much:Oh,okay.
And at that time i was 8-10.
Although i was seeing him like once a year,it's still rather extraordinary for anyone in such situation not to show any emotions.

The meaning of peace is the absence of opposition to socialism.
-Karl Marx


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13-02-2012, 04:25 PM (This post was last modified: 13-02-2012 04:28 PM by germanyt.)
RE: Is it weird that I've never mourned a death?
(13-02-2012 03:14 PM)Jeff Wrote:  Do you know for sure that you don't feel sad, or is it that you don't let it in (you push it down, distract yourself from it)? How close were you to the closest person who died?

My absolute favorite family member. My MawMaw (great-grandmother) died in 07 at the age of 94. My other great-grandma, my great-grandpa, great-uncle. I had a fairly close friend in high school commit suicide. Another friend from HS killed himself about 2 years ago. Didn't feel anything when they died. I'm not sure if I'm pushing it down. Can't really say. There have been others
(13-02-2012 03:30 PM)Stark Raving Wrote:  Gotta say, I'm right there with you man. In fact, death of someone close to me has pretty much always been a relief, and afterward I've always wondered why I don't have the sadness other seem to have. I've never had someone especially close to me die suddenly, so maybe I'd feel differently?

This. I feel cold and callous because all these people are grieving and I'm like 'whatevs'. People die, it's what they do.
(13-02-2012 03:33 PM)Observer Wrote:  What feeling do you get from that observation? Do you feel weird?

I feel like there might be something psychologically wrong with me. Like dead on the inside. I don't feel emotional about it. But if I weren't me I might think that I was abused as a child or something and have no heart.

“Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it's time to pause and reflect.”

-Mark Twain
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13-02-2012, 04:47 PM
RE: Is it weird that I've never mourned a death?
(13-02-2012 04:25 PM)germanyt Wrote:  I feel like there might be something psychologically wrong with me. Like dead on the inside. I don't feel emotional about it. But if I weren't me I might think that I was abused as a child or something and have no heart.

I suggest that you not think of it as something wrong with you - rather it is a behavior you learned as a child to protect yourself from pain you weren't able to cope with. I worked on a lot of similar stuff using talk therapy. You might find it helpful if you're able to do it.

How old were you when you were thrown out of the house? What was your home life like as a little kid, say 4-10?
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13-02-2012, 05:07 PM
RE: Is it weird that I've never mourned a death?
(13-02-2012 04:47 PM)Jeff Wrote:  
(13-02-2012 04:25 PM)germanyt Wrote:  I feel like there might be something psychologically wrong with me. Like dead on the inside. I don't feel emotional about it. But if I weren't me I might think that I was abused as a child or something and have no heart.

I suggest that you not think of it as something wrong with you - rather it is a behavior you learned as a child to protect yourself from pain you weren't able to cope with. I worked on a lot of similar stuff using talk therapy. You might find it helpful if you're able to do it.

How old were you when you were thrown out of the house? What was your home life like as a little kid, say 4-10?

My mom and dad had a bad relationship and divorce right around 4 years old. Mom remarried at about 5. My sister and I called my stepdad 'dad' until my half sister was born when I was 6. Then he asked us to stop calling him dad. My mom divorced him and had a few boyfriends. Some lived with us, some didn't. Some were nice, some not so nice. Normal stuff I guess. I didn't get kicked for the first time until I was 13. My mom felt I should go live with my dad after I got expelled in 9th grade. It was the first time I'd spent more than a day at a time with my dad since they divorced. Between getting kicked out of the house a few times and moving a few times I went to 6 high schools in 4 years. Now my mom and I have a great relationship. Same with my dad. Just played 18 holes and had dinner with my dad yesterday.

“Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it's time to pause and reflect.”

-Mark Twain
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13-02-2012, 05:19 PM (This post was last modified: 13-02-2012 05:24 PM by tazmin98.)
RE: Is it weird that I've never mourned a death?
(13-02-2012 02:56 PM)germanyt Wrote:  I've had family members die. Friends and others that weren't friends but those that I knew. Athletes, celebs, etc. I've never once felt sad about someone dying. I have a very strong sense of empathy and compassion for the living but death just doesn't bother me. Even pets I've had that died didn't even make me frown.

In addition, I've also noticed that I don't seem to create the friendships that others seem to have. I have a lot of friends but none that I would call a best friend. Perhaps being thrown out of my house as a child so much and attending 9 schools in 12 years, then being in the Navy where people come and go like customers in a gas station has affected me psychologically. Aside from my wife and child, will I ever be able to have the kind of relationship with someone that just crushes me when they die? And if so, would that necessarily be a good thing?

I'm not alone!Big Grin
My really close aunt died long ago. I didn't cry or feel even remotely sad about it. I was just quiet and shrugged my shoulder while my mother and and my other aunt cried.
Micheal Jackson died. Nothing.
Whitney Houston died. Nothing.
Like death doesn't scare me anymore.
I mean no fucking sympathy! I was starting to think I am not human!
I am reserved though I can be a loudmouth around my friends.
It takes me 1 or 2 weeks to finally talk to someone. As you can see I am very socially awkward.
I feel numb most days. Like I can't feel what I want to feel. The only things that gets me to feel is music(like Florence+The Machine),books, and movies.
I feel so empty. That's why when I search for fiction books, I always want one to my exceptions. The one that can give a 'high'

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