Is true love only in rom-coms?
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17-02-2013, 07:53 AM
Is true love only in rom-coms?
Hi,

I was in this 5 year relationship. When we started I was 21 and she was 18.
We dated for 2 years (spent nearly every other weekend together) and all was great and we moved in together.
She's in college and I work.
So after we moved in things changed. I started seeing a different side of her, a lot of frustration and anger.
Our different occupations also meant we didn't see much of eachother, I work in the mornings and afternoons and she does in the evenings.
We grew apart and we talked about how we were changing. I told her that I missed romantic feelings we had when we were still dating and that over the course of 5 years all our interests also moved away from eachother. She said she didn't see it.
And then she said my view of a relationship is too romantical, that the eternal love in movies or tv only exists there and that real life isn't like that.

Now I'd like to hear from people who have been in decades-long relationships. What do you think? Is my view of a long-term relationship too much and should I sttle for something... decent? Or can it work out like eternal love and being happy to wake up next to your significant other after decades?

Aspiring optimist
Eternal Pragmatist.
With the uncanny ability to see all sides in every argument.
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17-02-2013, 07:55 AM
RE: Is true love only in rom-coms?
No. That thing in romcoms is neither true, nor love. It's tripe.

That's all I have to say on the topic. Hope others chime in with a proper response. Smile

"E se non passa la tristezza con altri occhi la guarderĂ²."
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17-02-2013, 07:56 AM
RE: Is true love only in rom-coms?
I have been very happily married for 31 years and we are still holding hands when walking down the street.

True love DOES exist, but you may have to wait for the right one.

In the meantime, you experiment and that could be fun too. Big Grin
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17-02-2013, 08:12 AM
RE: Is true love only in rom-coms?
It's all about chemistry...

http://www.youramazingbrain.org/lovesex/sciencelove.htm


All you need to know.

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17-02-2013, 08:19 AM
RE: Is true love only in rom-coms?
I never liked rom coms partly because the relationships in them always seem so fake. I especially hate those love triangles when you're thinking, "Ew, she shouldn't choose either of those guys."
There has to be chemistry and respect or there's nothing. True love is something most people don't wait for, so they normally don't find it.
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17-02-2013, 08:23 AM
RE: Is true love only in rom-coms?
True love like in the movies does exist. I know because I experienced it. Then the puppy love ended, true life kicked in and took over and that shit ended quick. It's Hollywood. Sorry for the spoiler but real life is never like the movies. But real love is still very much worth the effort.

But now I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.

~ Umberto Eco
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17-02-2013, 10:23 AM
RE: Is true love only in rom-coms?
Chemistry, self respect, and respect for each others' self respect; the rest of the details kind of work themselves out.

Just chemistry and the right chemistry...
One can't really search for the right chemistry, per se, that might make one to cling to chemistry's illusion and make just chemistry appear to be something(right chemistry/love) which it is not. Compatible chemistry just has to hit and sometimes... it may not hit each simultaneously. It is quite complex and a great deal is in the timing.

Advice; keep options open...
If someone comes along, give it time for each others' complexities to reveal any such compatible chemistry. If it does not happen, you've both given it a good try... keep that respect for each others' self respect in mind and let it go. Do not waste each others' time.

Have fun. Dodgy

I think in the end, I just feel like I'm a secular person who has a skeptical eye toward any extraordinary claim, carefully examining any extraordinary evidence before jumping to conclusions. ~ Eric ~ My friend ... who figured it out.
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17-02-2013, 10:29 AM
RE: Is true love only in rom-coms?
I find it hard enough to find someone who I can tolerate being in their presence for more than an hour... being around someone constantly for years might break my brain. It is messed up enough already.

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17-02-2013, 10:34 AM
RE: Is true love only in rom-coms?
(17-02-2013 10:29 AM)frankiej Wrote:  being around someone constantly for years might break my brain. It is messed up enough already.
That why you go for the older ones? Less years left to spend together?

Sorry, this was just begging to be said. I would say I'm ashamed, but I kinda ain't.

"E se non passa la tristezza con altri occhi la guarderĂ²."
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17-02-2013, 10:35 AM
RE: Is true love only in rom-coms?
(17-02-2013 10:34 AM)Vera Wrote:  
(17-02-2013 10:29 AM)frankiej Wrote:  being around someone constantly for years might break my brain. It is messed up enough already.
That why you go for the older ones? Less years left to spend together?

Sorry, this was just begging to be said. I would say I'm ashamed, but I kinda ain't.
Yes, anything post-menopause is a real treat.

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