Issues Update
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21-03-2013, 11:31 AM
RE: Issues Update
I hope you're right, Legend, I really do.

But the tools are not the problem. Your self esteem, your feeling that injuring yourself is what you deserve, or is the best way to deal with the challenges you have in your life - that's the problem.

Bury some tools in the yard but don't deal with the real problem, and you'll just find other tools and the problem will come around full circle.

Burying the tools is a great start, but you still have to deal with the real problem.

"Whores perform the same function as priests, but far more thoroughly." - Robert A. Heinlein
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21-03-2013, 11:54 AM
RE: Issues Update
What do you suppose I do?
Therapy and counseling do not work for me and medicine is just not an option.
I want to fix myself, but how?

"You don't disappoint me.... I think your much braver than you may believe."
bemore

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21-03-2013, 12:13 PM
RE: Issues Update
I don't know, Legend. You say counseling doesn't work and then ask me for my counsel. I don't know how to help.

However, I reject your premise. Therapy and counseling work for everyone, but before they work, the person receiving therapy or counseling must be receptive to it. I cannot stress enough that therapy is not like surgery. A surgeon can cut a patient open and fix whatever is wrong - bad heart, get a bypass, surgeons can do it for you and you don't need to help them succeed, they just do it. Therapy doesn't work that way. All a therapist can do is help you help yourself. If you go in there thinking "Great, this therapist is going to fix me right up" then it won't work. It never works like that.

You have to fix yourself. Only you. Nobody else. The therapy and counseling can give you guidance, help you understand what you need to do, but they can't do it for you. You gotta do it.

If you approach it from that perspective, if you have that understanding and really understand it, and if you really want to fix yourself, then it will work. I guarantee it.

"Whores perform the same function as priests, but far more thoroughly." - Robert A. Heinlein
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21-03-2013, 12:14 PM (This post was last modified: 21-03-2013 12:37 PM by DLJ.)
RE: Issues Update
(21-03-2013 11:54 AM)legendoflink Wrote:  What do you suppose I do?
Therapy and counseling do not work for me and medicine is just not an option.
I want to fix myself, but how?

Answer: Incident - Problem - Change.

1. Step back.

2. Incidents
Identify, record, categorise and prioritise all the symptoms and the moments when things have gone 'wrong' (however you define that) and the events and triggers that caused them.

3. Problems
Create a Problem Statement (e.g. something wrong with.... ) for each category of incidents.
Problem analysis using any number of techniques (Pareto, Ishikawa, 5 x Whys, Brainstorming & Affinity Mapping, Kepner Tregoe, Pain Value Analysis etc.) to determine the root cause.
Technically, once the root cause is identified, it is no longer a 'problem'... it is a known error.
Known errors are permanently resolved by Changes.
Sometimes the error can not be found but this process usually throws up a number of temporary fixes... these are called 'workarounds'.

4. Change
If not managed properly, Changes are likely to cause more Incidents.
Carefully plan, schedule and control the changes. Understand the impact of each change and seek the appropriate authorisation where necessary.
Communicate to those who need to know regarding how and what you want to change, ensuring there are remediation plans (back-out, fall-back, roll-back) should the plans not work out.


Sounds easy huh?

The hardest part, usually, is step 1 (seeing the wood for the trees).

Hug

ps. I won't name them, but another forum member had a go at this approach a few hours ago via skype. It seemed to be useful. Or maybe it was the Tommy Tiernan vid that had us crying with laughter.

Laughter works pretty well.

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21-03-2013, 01:11 PM
RE: Issues Update
Legend, you're working towards a goal. You're not there yet. But you've made a start. Yes OK, you self-harmed again. But you recognize that it's bad and you're working on a plan to stop. I think it's still positive. Don't get discouraged, I think you're already on the right track. Use the fact that you're not yet out of the woods to motivate yourself to work harder to *get* outta the woods. Woods are smelly, bears shit there.

Just think to yourself, OK I slipped up this time, but next time I won't slip up so easy. I might just slip again, but I'm still gonna keep going. This thread started with a hugely positive step. Keep on with the positive thinking, it will eventually work. You *can* do this, and you will Smile
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02-04-2013, 11:37 AM
RE: Issues Update
Spring break was a train wreck.
My thighs, my hips, my stomach.. they're all covered in what will soon be scars.
I didn't know what else to do..

Question is:
One a cheater, always a cheater.
What do you think?

"You don't disappoint me.... I think your much braver than you may believe."
bemore

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02-04-2013, 11:43 AM
RE: Issues Update
A word of advice -

Post in the support section - there's no 'safety net' in this section.

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02-04-2013, 03:03 PM
RE: Issues Update
(02-04-2013 11:43 AM)cheapthrillseaker Wrote:  A word of advice -

Post in the support section - there's no 'safety net' in this section.

Legend, can move this if you want ?
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02-04-2013, 03:15 PM
RE: Issues Update
(02-04-2013 11:37 AM)legendoflink Wrote:  One a cheater, always a cheater.
What do you think?

I think, not true. People say that stuff and don't realise how hurtful it is, especially if you're young and not confident and you believe it.

I've been down some pretty dark holes, one of the worst ones was the "You're useless, you're stupid, you can't do anything right, might as well not try" one.

It's *not true*. Don't believe it, don't hang around the people who tell it to you. If you did cheat, and you don't want to do it again, make a resolution not to. If you break that resolution, resolve again.

The golden rule of getting somewhere nice is this: every time you fall over, get up again and keep walking forward. That's all. You can stay down for a bit if you got hit hard and you're dizzy, but eventually you gotta get up.

Are you still getting abused Legend ? If you are... same advice as before. Go tell someone and get those *assholes* to back off. They're evil.
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03-04-2013, 11:55 AM
RE: Issues Update
(02-04-2013 03:15 PM)morondog Wrote:  
(02-04-2013 11:37 AM)legendoflink Wrote:  One a cheater, always a cheater.
What do you think?

I think, not true. People say that stuff and don't realise how hurtful it is, especially if you're young and not confident and you believe it.

I've been down some pretty dark holes, one of the worst ones was the "You're useless, you're stupid, you can't do anything right, might as well not try" one.

It's *not true*. Don't believe it, don't hang around the people who tell it to you. If you did cheat, and you don't want to do it again, make a resolution not to. If you break that resolution, resolve again.

The golden rule of getting somewhere nice is this: every time you fall over, get up again and keep walking forward. That's all. You can stay down for a bit if you got hit hard and you're dizzy, but eventually you gotta get up.

Are you still getting abused Legend ? If you are... same advice as before. Go tell someone and get those *assholes* to back off. They're evil.

Moving this thread may be a good idea, thanks.

The question about the quote is actually pertaining to my boyfriend.
He didn't particularly cheat, but only because he got caught in the process of trying.

I am honestly not being physical abused anymore.
A bit of the mental abuse is still around, but I think that I'm becoming a bit numb to it, so I guess it's whatever.

I am currently covered in scars from about my hips to my mid-thigh.
Honestly, I'm not ashamed of them anymore.
I actually kind of admire them.
They tell a story without even having to say a word.
They're kind of beautiful in a way.
To me at least.
I am a bit afraid though..
The summer is only two months away and I'm afraid that others may not think the same way that I do about my scars.
Shorts are going to be the death of me.

I have not cut in about 3 days now, though I do get urges several times in a day.
-have them now actually-
I guess we will see how things go, but all I can say is I'm trying.

"You don't disappoint me.... I think your much braver than you may believe."
bemore

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