Issues with my marriage to a Catholic woman
Post Reply
 
Thread Rating:
  • 0 Votes - 0 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
25-05-2014, 11:38 AM
RE: Issues with my marriage to a Catholic woman
The 5 years out of the relationship were good. I got my shit together and got back into school and graduated from UC San Diego. Although now that's a sore subject to bring up because I am essentially working to pay off my loans fast so I have no money. I was in another relationship with a girl and we were good for a few years until I moved away from home to college. Then my now wife came back into the picture telling me that she didn't have an abortion and that I was a father of a beautiful girl named Angela. A complete carbon copy of me and my sister only with dark Spanish features (hair and eyes).
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
25-05-2014, 05:32 PM
RE: Issues with my marriage to a Catholic woman
Congratulations on becoming a father. Smile

How's the situation been over the past week or so? Any improvement?

We have enough youth. How about looking for the Fountain of Smart?
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
25-05-2014, 06:01 PM
RE: Issues with my marriage to a Catholic woman
Hello Matt

I didn't think Catholics were allowed to divorce
Quote:In marriage, the two become one flesh in a union joined by God, (Mark 10:8). Jesus speaks about divorce: “Therefore what God has joined together, no human being must separate,” (Mark 10:9). So for a marriage that meets the requirements of being a sacrament, divorce in the Catholic Church is not possible.

There are lots of options before you.
1. Remind her of what marriage is in the view of the Catholic Church, tell her you are happy to make a go of it, to be her loving partner, to be a great dad, to live a happy married life with her, that you will support her, be her friend, her confidant, that you will accept her for who she is, that you will not ridicule her beliefs, but that you will reserve the right to respectfully disagree and have open discussion if the need arises. Compromise and dealing with conflicts is a normal part of marriage.
2. Seek counseling, both secular (and Catholic if she insists).
3. Seek divorce, get out while you can. Move on, find love, start a new life, but still be a father to your kids.
4. Seek divorce, get out while you can. Move on, find love, start a new life, make a clean break.

Obviously you can't force a woman to love you or to live a married life with you. You just need to find a path forward so that you can continue to enjoy life. There are plenty of people with "messy" lives (a.k.a. kids to an ex.)

Best wishes for your future. It must be traumatic for you and your wife at the moment. Your kids are probably too young to understand at the moment.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
25-05-2014, 08:46 PM
RE: Issues with my marriage to a Catholic woman
We baptized our first kid because of pressure from the families.

My husband has returned to cathoic beliefs. I'm stubborn so we just don't talk about it.

I will go with him on special occassions if he asks...don the chapel veil and giggle to myself.

Neither of us are willing to throw away a perfectly good relationship because of this.

So, I'd be asking myself what else is more wrong than right about your union to allow this to become such an issue.

Unless all she ever talks about is religion...

Hug


But as if to knock me down, reality came around
And without so much as a mere touch, cut me into little pieces

Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 1 user Likes Momsurroundedbyboys's post
25-05-2014, 10:20 PM
RE: Issues with my marriage to a Catholic woman
This sounds like one terrible and unfair situation. I would suggest counseling and learning how to meet in the middle, because it sounds like it is her way or no way....nobody can live like that happily. Damn. I wish you good luck on everything, because this is going to be a long rough path for all of you.

My wife is catholic (claims it), but there was no way I would agree to having our child baptized...it is a sick practice that robs children of choice. I'm glad she was understanding and didn't fight me over it, but she's a weird catholic that doesn't beleive in hell and beleives abit in some wiccan stuff.

A wise person makes their own decisions; an ignorant one follows public opinion.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
25-05-2014, 10:46 PM
RE: Issues with my marriage to a Catholic woman
(16-05-2014 06:45 AM)ExPat_Matt Wrote:  At first she was the one that wasn't religious and I was back and forth on the issue. I was a luke warm Catholic but always had my questions and was always met with you just don't have enough faith. We broke up shortly after visiting her in Spain the first time, she was pregnant at the time and told me she had an abortion and I was done with her. I got angry and lost my faith, but it was all a lie.


THAT is why you need to be OUT of that marriage.



AND -- THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT -- WHATEVER SHE DOES TO TRY TO PROVOKE YOU: NEVER, EVER RISE TO HER BAIT.



Quote: For five years she kept my daughter from me never saying a word.

Friend, that is MAJOR FUCKED UP. Shit doesn't GET more fucked up than THAT.



[quot]e
She called me up one day and told me and I thought I would do the nobel thing and father my child as she was my dream girl. [/quote]

Manipulatemanipulatemanipulate -- DANGER WILL ROBINSON! RUN!


Quote: We got back together after a hard process. I move out here and then things were good but it was tough learning how to live together. Then she found faith and when she did I told her this is going to kill our relationship. I needed to work and support my kid and we had to get married so I could work legally. The church was the only solution, and played along hoping that maybe something would click. But it never did. We just came to an agreement that we wouldn't talk about it and it just never lasts.

A noble effort. BUt doomed to fail IMO, sorry.



Quote:So as one can see we've had struggled through out our entire relationship. She's got a horrible temper and when she gets angry she tells me everything she hates about me and my family.


Another very good reason to GET OUT.


Quote: And it can be for the smallest of things. I begged and pleaded with her to go to therapy with me but she won't because it's not religious and therefore will contradict with her beliefs.


You know why she won't go to therapy? Because they will tell her how fucked up she is. And she won't hear it. Been there done that, it only ends in tears, friend.


Quote: I've refused to go to church but some real tragedy in our lives had me sitting on the fence of what was happening.

Tragedies only make things more difficult to sort out. And also make for nice fodder for manipulating your emotions.


Quote: I truly love this woman, when she's not acting irrational she's a loving and caring mother and wife.


Do they have domestic abuse counseling where you are at? Because my suggestion is that you get some RIGHT NOW.

Quote:But she's got a dark side that I thought we could work on together to fix.

Sorry, you can't "fix" anyone. Especially when they don't want fixed.


Quote: She's just trying to pray it away and make excuses.

Doesn't sound like she's even "trying".


Quote:Man I feel horrible for airing out my dirty laundry but I haven't really told anyone the extend of our relationship to total strangers. I feel like I am betraying her and her trust but I have to get this out, like cancer, it needs to go. I can only think of the Hitchens book God is not Great, and the line how religion poisons everything. These words ring so loud in my mind right now.

Look, I'll be blunt: NO MORE FUCKING, NO MORE KIDS. Get OUT. She won't go to counseling, she lied the worst fucking lie anyone could possibly tell another human being to you, and the more you try to work things out the deeper the hole you are in will get. She's a fucking Tar Baby. The relationship is a fucking Tar Baby. Cut your losses and go. You will survive this.

But get domestic abuse counseling for YOURSELF. Make no mistake: Women do abuse men in relationships, and you are being abused and you are falling into classic "abusee" patterns of thought and behavior that are only making things worse for you.


Of course, all of the above is MY OPINION, but at the same time, I'm' not just pulling this out of my ass.

Man, you've got to protect yourself and take care of yourself.

It's Special Pleadings all the way down!


Magic Talking Snakes STFU -- revenantx77


You can't have your special pleading and eat it too. -- WillHop
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 1 user Likes Taqiyya Mockingbird's post
26-05-2014, 12:10 AM
RE: Issues with my marriage to a Catholic woman
(16-05-2014 02:13 AM)ExPat_Matt Wrote:  Hello,

My name is Matt, I was wondering if anyone had advice for me. I've been married with my wife for about 2 and half years and it's going bad quickly. We have two kids and my unbelief has made it so that she wants to divorce me, I've begged her to stay because of the kids but has told me that she's doing it under hostage. We have been fighting recently and it got out of hand when the topic of religion came up. I got tired of being kicked around emotionally and let her have it because it's so unfair that she won't listen to my opinion but I have to always hear hers. She also wants to raise our kids Catholic and I am not okay with that without teaching them the reasons why I don't believe, hopefully letting them make up their own minds. My oldest has already taken Communion and my 16th month year old has already been baptized, so as you can see I've already lost many battles just to keep the peace. I honestly don't care if she raises them Catholic but without the pretext that they are living with the enemy under their own roof. That my thoughts are that of evil and that logic and science are unfounded. I give rational reasons why I don't believe that doesn't help. I am truly alone because I gave up my home in the states to move out here in Spain to be with them and now that's going to be taken away from me. I have nowhere else to turn to. The people in our circle of friends are all believers and clergy. I fear I am doomed. Please if anyone has some advice to keep me from loosing everything then I am open to suggestion. Thank you in advance.
ExPat_Matt

She is toxic and you are being poisoned. I've been there and recognize the signs. I'm posting a link that will give you really good information and help. Here's a small portion from that site.....

"Domestic violence and abuse does not discriminate. It happens among heterosexual couples and in same-sex partnerships. It occurs within all age ranges, ethnic backgrounds, and economic levels. And while women are more commonly victimized, men are also abused—especially verbally and emotionally, although sometimes even physically as well. The bottom line is that abusive behavior is never acceptable, whether it’s coming from a man, a woman, a teenager, or an older adult. You deserve to feel valued, respected, and safe."

http://www.helpguide.org/mental/domestic...ffects.htm

Never underestimate the lengths a controlling spouse will go to!! No

It's easier to fool people than to convince them that they have been fooled. ~Mark Twain
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
26-05-2014, 04:23 AM
RE: Issues with my marriage to a Catholic woman
I am beginning to see that I am that I have battered spouse syndrome. Things got worse because she found that I have been on atheist websites and I have posted some links to stories on twitter proclaiming my atheism. It's difficult because financially I am tied up right now and I can't make any moves. I am still really tight with her family and I think that if I get out I am going to loose their support, which we get a lot of. It makes it seem like it's all her fault but I am not entirely tactful in my approach to her beliefs. As well I am sure that I have done some of the actions on that abuse website but not as many as hers. You are correct that I don't think she wants to be told that she's wrong. I don't want to leave her because I want to work on it but if it's futile then I have to devise a plan of action and get out, my only problem is that how have you prove domestic emotional abuse? She'll just cry bullshit and it's my word versus hers. We are both guilty but I know I am willing to admit it and hopefully one day she will so we can work on this. Though from what I am sensing I am a fool and I need to leave right away.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
26-05-2014, 06:26 AM
RE: Issues with my marriage to a Catholic woman
You don't have to go to counseling as a couple, you can seek therapy just for yourself. I hope you do, they should be able to help you thru this.


"Life is a daring adventure or it is nothing"--Helen Keller
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
26-05-2014, 06:47 AM
RE: Issues with my marriage to a Catholic woman
(26-05-2014 04:23 AM)ExPat_Matt Wrote:  I am beginning to see that I am that I have battered spouse syndrome. Things got worse because she found that I have been on atheist websites and I have posted some links to stories on twitter proclaiming my atheism. It's difficult because financially I am tied up right now and I can't make any moves. I am still really tight with her family and I think that if I get out I am going to loose their support, which we get a lot of. It makes it seem like it's all her fault but I am not entirely tactful in my approach to her beliefs. As well I am sure that I have done some of the actions on that abuse website but not as many as hers. You are correct that I don't think she wants to be told that she's wrong. I don't want to leave her because I want to work on it but if it's futile then I have to devise a plan of action and get out, my only problem is that how have you prove domestic emotional abuse? She'll just cry bullshit and it's my word versus hers. We are both guilty but I know I am willing to admit it and hopefully one day she will so we can work on this. Though from what I am sensing I am a fool and I need to leave right away.

Do you own a cell phone with a recording feature? Turn it on discretely when the shit hits the fan to document what goes on.

And the more I hear, the more I agree with your last sentence. Been there, done that. Sacrifice to "save the marriage" so I could put up with more abuse = foolish.

The severance will be briefly painful, but once that is done the heavy burden will be lifted from your shoulders and you will feel so much better.

We have enough youth. How about looking for the Fountain of Smart?
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
Post Reply
Forum Jump: