It's Friday!! Post your favorite crazy Bible quote!!
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17-06-2011, 11:09 AM
RE: It's Friday!! Post your favorite crazy Bible quote!!
(17-06-2011 10:52 AM)ashley.hunt60 Wrote:  Just picture this scene playing out in your head. Dad/master comes home, pulls out a knife, and tells all the males to drop their pants. I mean, there must have been some complaints, some struggle, someone had to have said "Let's think about this for a second". I know not all of the slaves just said okay and rolled over. There must have been force used, people held down while Abraham pulled out the knife, women staring wide-eyed in the sidelines, hoping frantically that this will just be a boy-thing, fully grown men crying as an old man hearing voices in his head removes part of their penis with a blunt and dirty knife, all the while God nodding in pleasure.

hahaha LMAO Given that Abraham was not a doctor one has to wonder how the first circumcision compared to the last. I assume there is a learning curve to overcome. Practice makes perfect.
(17-06-2011 11:06 AM)Lilith Pride Wrote:  Genesis 1: 28 God blessed the people. And he said, ‘Have a large family and produce many descendants. Live everywhere on the earth and rule over it. Rule over the fish that are in the sea. Rule over the birds that fly in the air. And rule over all creatures that live on the earth.’

That's all it took to tell me this book was bunk. I can't stand self righteousness.

I might find an actually silly one to me later, but I don't keep bible verses in my memory.

HAHAHAHA You didn't make it out of the first chapter before calling BS...

“We're born alone, we live alone, we die alone. Only through our love and friendship can we create the illusion for the moment that we're not alone.” Orson Welles
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17-06-2011, 11:16 AM
RE: It's Friday!! Post your favorite crazy Bible quote!!
"And Frodo was tasked with taking the one ring to Mordor"

Wait... that's from LotR. I always get those two books confused.

"Ain't got no last words to say, yellow streak right up my spine. The gun in my mouth was real and the taste blew my mind."

"We see you cry. We turn your head. Then we slap your face. We see you try. We see you fail. Some things never change."
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17-06-2011, 11:51 AM
RE: It's Friday!! Post your favorite crazy Bible quote!!
(17-06-2011 11:16 AM)Buddy Christ Wrote:  "And Frodo was tasked with taking the one ring to Mordor"

Wait... that's from LotR. I always get those two books confused.

The Middle-Earth creation story is actually more convincing. It has less plot-holes anyway.

Why won't God heal amputees?
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17-06-2011, 11:51 AM
RE: It's Friday!! Post your favorite crazy Bible quote!!
(17-06-2011 10:52 AM)ashley.hunt60 Wrote:  ... women staring wide-eyed in the sidelines, hoping frantically that this will just be a boy-thing

sadly, this isn't the case. but it wasn't a silly, hateful, or harmful purpose/process. and, this isn't even the earliest example of what we now call medical science in religions.
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17-06-2011, 03:05 PM
RE: It's Friday!! Post your favorite crazy Bible quote!!
(17-06-2011 10:45 AM)Glaucus Wrote:  My favorite was always the Tower of Babel:
Genesis 11:1-9

This was the verse that started my deconversion. It showed me how God feared a united mankind, so he set out to keep us divided so we couldn't challenge him.

truly. it's not even the first direct attack on morality, urban development, and technological advancement by this agrarian deity.
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18-06-2011, 09:36 AM (This post was last modified: 18-06-2011 12:28 PM by Observer.)
RE: It's Friday!! Post your favorite crazy Bible quote!!
(17-06-2011 10:52 AM)ashley.hunt60 Wrote:  
'Genesis 17:23 Wrote:And Abraham took Ishmael his son, and all that were born in his house, and all that were bought with his money, every male among the men of Abraham's house; and circumcised the flesh of their foreskin in the selfsame day, as God had said unto him.
I...I think I just went visual
[Image: images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSpyWAf1PJEtG4mLEAhACU...1RtYGVWp02]

Judges 21:21 sounds like fun
King James Bible Wrote:And see, and, behold, if the daughters of Shiloh come out to dance in dances, then come ye out of the vineyards, and catch you every man his wife of the daughters of Shiloh, and go to the land of Benjamin.
Why bother with dating and stuff...

Observer

Agnostic atheist
Secular humanist
Emotional rationalist
Disclaimer: Don’t mix the personal opinion above with the absolute and objective truth. Remember to think for yourself. Thank you.
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18-06-2011, 11:09 AM
RE: It's Friday!! Post your favorite crazy Bible quote!!
All of Job... If Yahweh is really omniscient, then he would know that Job would eventually curse him. It also points out that Satan has only ever killed, what, 10 people, and on Yahweh's orders at that. Plus, it shows that Job is rational enough to realise that Yahweh is an absolute asshole and the oh-so-benevolent god comes down and proves it for all to see. I really have no idea how Christians justify the Job story o.0

But as for specific Bible verses. This verse was one of the first verses I read in the Bible and I immediately had questions:

Genesis 1:26 - "And God said, Let us make man in our image, after our likeness: and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth."

My very first thought was: 'Who the hell is this guy talking to if he hasn't created anybody yet???' Tongue I always wondered why nobody ever addressed this problem (i.e. why was it translated this way; why has nobody changed it to reflect the monotheism that the religion has become?)

(17-06-2011 09:17 AM)robotworld Wrote:  Lev. 11:13, 19 And these are they which ye shall have in abomination among the fowls...And the stork, the heron after her kind, and the lapwing, and the bat.

I too love this verse. Shows just how much Yahweh knows about biology. Bats are birds? I cannot believe this hasn't been altered to make Yahweh look less ignorant, but hey, it provides plenty of amusement for us non-believers Tongue

"Remember, my friend, that knowledge is stronger than memory, and we should not trust the weaker." - Dr. Van Helsing, Dracula
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20-06-2011, 12:10 PM
RE: It's Friday!! Post your favorite crazy Bible quote!!
(18-06-2011 11:09 AM)SecularStudent Wrote:  But as for specific Bible verses. This verse was one of the first verses I read in the Bible and I immediately had questions:

Genesis 1:26 - "And God said, Let us make man in our image, after our likeness: and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth."

My very first thought was: 'Who the hell is this guy talking to if he hasn't created anybody yet???' Tongue I always wondered why nobody ever addressed this problem (i.e. why was it translated this way; why has nobody changed it to reflect the monotheism that the religion has become?)
God is a trinity, consisting of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. All three members of the trinity took part in creation.

http://carm.org/trinity

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(17-06-2011 09:17 AM)robotworld Wrote:  Lev. 11:13, 19 And these are they which ye shall have in abomination among the fowls...And the stork, the heron after her kind, and the lapwing, and the bat.

I too love this verse. Shows just how much Yahweh knows about biology. Bats are birds? I cannot believe this hasn't been altered to make Yahweh look less ignorant, but hey, it provides plenty of amusement for us non-believers Tongue
The idea that a bat isn't a bird is based on the classifiction system devised by Linneus in the 18th century. Since the Bible was written before this it is based on a different definition of what a bird is.

http://carm.org/bible-difficulties/genes...y/bat-bird

The information in ancient libraries came from real minds of real people. The far more complex information in cells came from the far more intelligent mind of God.
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20-06-2011, 04:56 PM
 
RE: It's Friday!! Post your favorite crazy Bible quote!!
(20-06-2011 12:10 PM)theophilus Wrote:  The idea that a bat isn't a bird is based on the classifiction system devised by Linneus in the 18th century. Since the Bible was written before this it is based on a different definition of what a bird is.

It's based on the fact that bats are mammals who have nothing in common with birds except their ability to fly. The idea that it's a bird is based on... nothing, really. Not all birds even fly, there isn't really a definition you can give to the word bird that includes bats and not other animals you wouldn't want to call birds.
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20-06-2011, 05:04 PM
RE: It's Friday!! Post your favorite crazy Bible quote!!
I'd like to quote parture but well... I think we've had enough of him Big Grin

Hey brother christian, with your high and mighty errand, your actions speak so loud, I can't hear a word you're saying.

"This machine kills fascists..."

"Well this machine kills commies!"
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