It's Friday!! Post your favorite crazy Bible quote!!
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22-06-2011, 12:03 AM
RE: It's Friday!! Post your favorite crazy Bible quote!!
(20-06-2011 12:10 PM)theophilus Wrote:  
(18-06-2011 11:09 AM)SecularStudent Wrote:  But as for specific Bible verses. This verse was one of the first verses I read in the Bible and I immediately had questions:

Genesis 1:26 - "And God said, Let us make man in our image, after our likeness: and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth."

My very first thought was: 'Who the hell is this guy talking to if he hasn't created anybody yet???' Tongue I always wondered why nobody ever addressed this problem (i.e. why was it translated this way; why has nobody changed it to reflect the monotheism that the religion has become?)
God is a trinity, consisting of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. All three members of the trinity took part in creation.

http://carm.org/trinity

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(17-06-2011 09:17 AM)robotworld Wrote:  Lev. 11:13, 19 And these are they which ye shall have in abomination among the fowls...And the stork, the heron after her kind, and the lapwing, and the bat.

I too love this verse. Shows just how much Yahweh knows about biology. Bats are birds? I cannot believe this hasn't been altered to make Yahweh look less ignorant, but hey, it provides plenty of amusement for us non-believers Tongue
The idea that a bat isn't a bird is based on the classifiction system devised by Linneus in the 18th century. Since the Bible was written before this it is based on a different definition of what a bird is.

http://carm.org/bible-difficulties/genes...y/bat-bird

Fair enough.... Why can't they eat it? If it is an exclusive list then all other birds are open season correct? Why is a stork not ok to eat but a Spoonbill is? What criteria were they using when they came up with this list.

Myst

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22-06-2011, 11:20 AM
RE: It's Friday!! Post your favorite crazy Bible quote!!
(22-06-2011 12:03 AM)myst32 Wrote:  Fair enough.... Why can't they eat it? If it is an exclusive list then all other birds are open season correct? Why is a stork not ok to eat but a Spoonbill is? What criteria were they using when they came up with this list.

That is something that has puzzled me too. For the other groups of animals the criteria used to determine which ones can be eaten are given. I don't have any idea why the same thing wasn't done in regard to birds.

The information in ancient libraries came from real minds of real people. The far more complex information in cells came from the far more intelligent mind of God.
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23-06-2011, 06:58 PM
RE: It's Friday!! Post your favorite crazy Bible quote!!
My favorite is
Armaments, chapter two, verses nine through twenty-one- "And Saint Attila raised the hand grenade up on high, saying, "O Lord, bless this thy hand grenade, that with it thou mayst blow thine enemies to tiny bits, in thy mercy." And the Lord did grin. And the people did feast upon the lambs and sloths, and carp and anchovies, and orangutans and breakfast cereals, and fruit-bats and large chu..."
"Skip a bit, Brother..."
"And the Lord spake, saying, "First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. Three shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it. Amen.
Beautifully written part of the bible it truly is a wonderful book.

Behold the power of the force!
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24-06-2011, 09:31 AM
RE: It's Friday!! Post your favorite crazy Bible quote!!
(22-06-2011 11:20 AM)theophilus Wrote:  
(22-06-2011 12:03 AM)myst32 Wrote:  Fair enough.... Why can't they eat it? If it is an exclusive list then all other birds are open season correct? Why is a stork not ok to eat but a Spoonbill is? What criteria were they using when they came up with this list.

That is something that has puzzled me too. For the other groups of animals the criteria used to determine which ones can be eaten are given. I don't have any idea why the same thing wasn't done in regard to birds.

When I read a warning label on a package of marbles that says "Do not insert in ear, nose or other areas... not intended for internal use..." I have to wonder... They wouldn't put that there if someone had not tried to do the very thing they are warning against. So I guess I also have to wonder... who was eating bats, vultures, and eagles to get this passage put in there? Surly there would be no reason to put in a list of aminmals you can't eat if nobody eats them. You know someone, after hearing this new law, kicked the dirt saying... "Damn no more roasted Vulture!! I'm going to become a Mormon!!" ;-)

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24-06-2011, 02:25 PM
RE: It's Friday!! Post your favorite crazy Bible quote!!
2 Samuel 10:4, my personal favourite:

"Wherefore Hanun took David's servants, and shaved off the one half of their beards, and cut off their garments in the middle, [even] to their buttocks, and sent them away."

Biblical Hanun kills - 0 (but two half-beards and a little partial nudity)

Biblical David kills - Unnkown - anywhere from 20-100 thousand during his reign (including genocide of Hanun's people following 'grooming-gate')

Clearly Christians should take facial hair very seriously...
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25-06-2011, 03:54 AM (This post was last modified: 25-06-2011 04:12 AM by Mark Fulton.)
RE: It's Friday!! Post your favorite crazy Bible quote!!
(17-06-2011 11:16 AM)Buddy Christ Wrote:  "And Frodo was tasked with taking the one ring to Mordor"

Wait... that's from LotR. I always get those two books confused.

Love it!!!


Jesus said cut off your testicles to get into heaven!

“There are eunuchs born that way from their mother’s womb, there are eunuchs made so by men and there are eunuchs who have made themselves that way for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. Let anyone accept this who can.” (Matthew 19:12 NJB).
Hey...I made the 10,000 th post on this form while you were all sleeping. LOL. Do I get a prize?
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25-06-2011, 05:24 AM
 
RE: It's Friday!! Post your favorite crazy Bible quote!!
(25-06-2011 03:54 AM)Mark Fulton Wrote:  
(17-06-2011 11:16 AM)Buddy Christ Wrote:  "And Frodo was tasked with taking the one ring to Mordor"

Wait... that's from LotR. I always get those two books confused.

Love it!!!


Jesus said cut off your testicles to get into heaven!

“There are eunuchs born that way from their mother’s womb, there are eunuchs made so by men and there are eunuchs who have made themselves that way for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. Let anyone accept this who can.” (Matthew 19:12 NJB).
Hey...I made the 10,000 th post on this form while you were all sleeping. LOL. Do I get a prize?

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29-06-2011, 02:31 PM
RE: It's Friday!! Post your favorite crazy Bible quote!!
This one always makes me laugh:

In Malachi 2:3 (KJV) God is talking to the priests who fail to give glory to his name when he says, "Behold I will corrupt your seed and spread dung upon your faces."



And so does this one:

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Believe nothing you hear and only half what you see
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06-07-2011, 02:05 PM
RE: It's Friday!! Post your favorite crazy Bible quote!!
i love these cute little tests.
the context is another, rather poor, expression of the concept of 'seize the day'. however, it tries to browbeat humility with this test:

nkj - Ecclesiastes 11:5 Wrote:As you do not know what is the way of the wind*, or how the bones grow in the womb of her who is with child, so you do not know the works of God who makes all things.

*or spirit

um... fail. do we not teach meteorology, sexual reproduction, and psychology in grade school?
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