It's time
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14-05-2014, 10:21 AM
RE: It's time
Thinking of you TS.

Much love and many hugs.

See here they are the bruises some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. - JF

We're all mad here. The Cheshire Cat
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14-05-2014, 12:20 PM
RE: It's time
Treasuring our last 30 minutes together in the house she spent almost her entire life in.

She'll be free soon...

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14-05-2014, 12:49 PM
RE: It's time
(14-05-2014 12:20 PM)Tartarus Sauce Wrote:  Treasuring our last 30 minutes together in the house she spent almost her entire life in.

She'll be free soon...

Sadcryface

Hug


But as if to knock me down, reality came around
And without so much as a mere touch, cut me into little pieces

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14-05-2014, 01:07 PM
RE: It's time
I had to put my favorite cat down recently. I don't have any sage advice. Death sucks, I don't think there is any way to make it any less shitty than it is.

When I put down my cat I had I felt like I had betrayed him. I knew he didn't have long to live by himself and I knew he wasn't happy. He had so many tumors in his body that they were pressing up against his stomach and made him feel dizzy and nauseous all the time. When it came time to put him down I couldn't be in the room. I was wresting with my own fears of death and grief and it was just to much for me. I got over it be just being sad mostly. I also wrote a poem about him. Its pretty shitty, but in case you wont to read it I posted it last.

I'm sorry for your loss.

They brought him in
on cold steal table.
The same they might lay him on
after this was threw.
A blanket was laid down, to soften the cold. Humanize the malicious metal.
His right ankle, above his paw, was bandaged. It bothered him, but he had little energy to fight it.
They had given him a mild sedative. He tinkered on the brink of sleep.
We each gathered around him, to say our good - byes.
Petted, patted, kissed, stroked, and cued
in each in turn.
Told him we loved.
Called him beautiful.
Laughed
In spite of the absence of humor.

Each breath for him was labored.
His great chest rose and fell.
His eyes were heavy, but he seemed ghostly determined,
To see in these last moments,
As if he sensed the end near and desired to drink in Life the last he could
Like sweet drink from the bottom of an empty glass.
I felt a great chill run through me.
I feared
each short breath would grow shorter,
the whites of his eyes thinner beneath the closing lids,
until he breathed no more.
My cowardice rose up.
A cold chill through my body.
I pleaded with myself
not to see him die.
But then a noise outside startled him.
We shut the door.
Reassured him.
That which you hear, sweet prince
You need not fear.
This thing
at least,
will not harm you.

A little energy returned to him, it seemed.
He stirred, shifted, and stood.
Pawed at his bandage and tried meekly to fight the binding.
Then, as if suddenly realizing his surrounding, he turned
to each of us.
Seeing us for the first time.
As if dawning on him.
Everyone that he loved stood around him.
Did he sense what for?
If he could know our betrayal
Would he accept our petty kindnesses?
Our empty touch.
Our two faced words.

No.
He knew not.
for started to purr.
He turned his body towards me.
I placed my hand on his stomach,
The source of his sickness.
It buzzed and vibrated with his affection.
Our presence,
My presence,
reassured him.
On this cold table, in this little room, in an unfamiliar place.
All must be well if we were here.
At this moment, what could be more cruel?
than Trust.

The vet came threw the door.
I wanted to flee.
With a terminal briskness, that such physicians posses
she asked if we were ready.
By what right did we have?
to delay or hasten this terrible thing?
I could not watch him die,
So I left.

I went outside, instead, and looked at the tree blossoms.
Felt the warm of the coming spring, from a dieing winter cold.
I did not expect the world to stop moving on his behalf,
but I noted it all the same.
Were they giving him the needle now?
I thought.
How much longer would he be with this world?
Would I notice the change?

After a time more people followed.
They dried their eyes of tears.
Walked, brooded, and smoked their cigarettes.
When my mother was finished with hers, she sat next to me.
They gave him the shot, and he just went to sleep
She said
It was peaceful.

Peaceful?
Because he laid still
it was peaceful?
Because he didn't scream
or fight,
or call us out for our treachery
This was peace?
Based on what we know of life's beginning,
how could we expect peace in the moments of death?
His eyes
forced shut like an iron curtain.
His breath
stolen from his lungs.
his heart
smothered until it didn't beat.
Even if he felt no pain - this is not peace.

I took every liberty I wanted,
and told myself it was ok.
People looked at me with understanding,
as if it were ok.
But was I really upset about the death of my cat?
Or was it the harsh face of death.
Was it my own spineless, quaking fear of my dark day on a cold table,
That forced tears to my eyes,
melancholy to my face,
and an aching in my heart.
Oh with what grace did he face his death!
His soul so pure that in his last moments, he left behind only love.
No fear of the unknown.
No self pity over his mortal life.
With such great dignity did he meet his end,
And I couldn't even watch him do it.
If he could court the reaper with such poise,
then surely I could summon the fortitude to stand by as he did it,
to suffer in memory while living what example he set in death.
If I could face my last hour with half the courage that he did in his,
I think I might die with all the divinity of a saint.

How pure
this creature.
With what grace, he faced his end.
No anger.
No fear, of what he could not know.
No pity
No sadness.
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14-05-2014, 01:40 PM
RE: It's time
It's over.

She's at peace now.

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14-05-2014, 01:42 PM
RE: It's time
(14-05-2014 01:40 PM)Tartarus Sauce Wrote:  It's over.

She's at peace now.

Hug

Excuse me, I'm making perfect sense. You're just not keeping up.

"Let me give you some advice, bastard: never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor, and it can never be used to hurt you." - Tyrion Lannister
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14-05-2014, 01:43 PM
RE: It's time
Heart

A new type of thinking is essential if mankind is to survive and move to higher levels. ~ Albert Einstein
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14-05-2014, 01:47 PM
RE: It's time
Do you feel the need for a ceremony of some sort?

Personally, I don't think it accomplishes much if you do something or not.
I did kind of a viking thing with my boy.
It felt ok.

Heart

A new type of thinking is essential if mankind is to survive and move to higher levels. ~ Albert Einstein
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14-05-2014, 02:03 PM
RE: It's time
Sad Hug Heart


"Life is a daring adventure or it is nothing"--Helen Keller
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14-05-2014, 02:12 PM
RE: It's time
[img][Image: bearhug2_zps41926f06.jpg][/img]

See here they are the bruises some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. - JF

We're all mad here. The Cheshire Cat
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