Jesus had hemorrhoids for our sins
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07-03-2015, 08:19 AM
Jesus had hemorrhoids for our sins
So Jesus spilled his blood for our sins, but why did it have to occur the way that myth is portrayed in the gospels?

If Jesus had been born in modern times, he could've went to a blood bank and donated his blood, he could've made many trips to the blood bank over several years and donated a lot of blood in fact. If he really had to die, he could've instructed his disciples to throw him off of a cliff.

I suppose suffering has to be tied into the loss of blood to satisfy god's bizarre pagan fixation with human sacrifice, but how much suffering? Would a needle injected into the arm be enough pain? Or is there something about the metal of the nails that makes his blood spilled extra-special and satisfying?
If that's the case, wouldn't it have worked to simply stab him with a knife or shoot him with a gun? They got metal too, and it would've hurt!

Maybe just an extended period of pain combined with shedding of blood would have satisfied god's requirement, so if Jesus developed a raging case of bloody hemorrhoids, this should meet god's requirements for blood spilled and suffering, all the disciples had to do after Jesus suffering bloody hemorrhoids for 2 or 3 days was stab him with a knife. All of the pagan requirements of blood and suffering would then be satisfied.

And hemorrhoids f****ng hurt!

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Gods derive their power from post-hoc rationalizations. -The Inquisition

Using the supernatural to explain events in your life is a failure of the intellect to comprehend the world around you. -The Inquisition
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07-03-2015, 09:53 AM
RE: Jesus had hemorrhoids for our sins
Makes about as much sense as any other part of religion....

When you're making it up, anything's possible...

Big Grin

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07-03-2015, 11:06 AM
RE: Jesus had hemorrhoids for our sins
Don't give them any ideas...

Next thing Preparation H will be declared blasphemous.

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07-03-2015, 11:59 AM
RE: Jesus had hemorrhoids for our sins
this is what I imagine what the kings thrown will be like after jebus leaves the bathroom

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07-03-2015, 12:05 PM
RE: Jesus had hemorrhoids for our sins
(07-03-2015 11:06 AM)Sam Wrote:  Don't give them any ideas...

Next thing Preparation H will be declared blasphemous.

I think not. Tongue
Preparation H will become one of the "Sacred Oils" used for ordinations and episcopal consecrations.
Think positive. Facepalm ... Thumbsup

Insufferable know-it-all.Einstein God has a plan for us. Please stop screwing it up with your prayers.
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07-03-2015, 01:52 PM (This post was last modified: 07-03-2015 02:14 PM by Bucky Ball.)
RE: Jesus had hemorrhoids for our sins
(07-03-2015 12:05 PM)Bucky Ball Wrote:  [quote='Sam' pid='745907' dateline='1425747991']
Don't give them any ideas...

Next thing Preparation H will be declared blasphemous.

I think not. Tongue
Preparation H will become one of the "Sacred Oils" used for ordinations and episcopal consecrations. You know Holy Ointment.
Think positive. Facepalm ... Thumbsup

Insufferable know-it-all.Einstein God has a plan for us. Please stop screwing it up with your prayers.
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07-03-2015, 02:01 PM
RE: Jesus had hemorrhoids for our sins
(07-03-2015 12:05 PM)Bucky Ball Wrote:  
(07-03-2015 11:06 AM)Sam Wrote:  Don't give them any ideas...

Next thing Preparation H will be declared blasphemous.

I think not. Tongue
Preparation H will become one of the "Sacred Oils" used for ordinations and episcopal consecrations.
Think positive. Facepalm ... Thumbsup
Hmm, positive thoughts:
Fewer wrinkles and eye bags.

"If there's a single thing that life teaches us, it's that wishing doesn't make it so." - Lev Grossman
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07-03-2015, 02:16 PM
RE: Jesus had hemorrhoids for our sins
(07-03-2015 02:01 PM)Nurse Wrote:  
(07-03-2015 12:05 PM)Bucky Ball Wrote:  I think not. Tongue
Preparation H will become one of the "Sacred Oils" used for ordinations and episcopal consecrations.
Think positive. Facepalm ... Thumbsup
Hmm, positive thoughts:
Fewer wrinkles and eye bags.

Maybe. You can always date some plastics doc. Drinking Beverage

Insufferable know-it-all.Einstein God has a plan for us. Please stop screwing it up with your prayers.
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07-03-2015, 03:39 PM
RE: Jesus had hemorrhoids for our sins
(07-03-2015 02:16 PM)Bucky Ball Wrote:  
(07-03-2015 02:01 PM)Nurse Wrote:  Hmm, positive thoughts:
Fewer wrinkles and eye bags.

Maybe. You can always date some plastics doc. Drinking Beverage
Tongue This is more what I meant...
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10-03-2015, 03:36 PM
RE: Jesus had hemorrhoids for our sins
(07-03-2015 11:06 AM)Sam Wrote:  Next thing Preparation H will be declared blasphemous.

Is that where the H in Jesus H Christ came from? It's all making sense, now...
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