Jesus out in the desert
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23-04-2014, 06:20 PM
RE: Jesus out in the desert
What would it matter if he was tempted by the devil?

He's fucking God... He can do what he wants.

But then again, when Bible logic is factored in, he'd probably have to go back up to heaven, get another virgin pregnant with another dude who'd also himself, but isn't, so he can be sacrificed to himself, so he can forgive himself for being tempted by the guy who follows his orders, the first time around when he got a virgin pregnant with himself who also wasn't, in order to sacrifice himself to himself so he could forgive humans for a mistake made by an ancestor who lived many thousands of years ago, who only did so because of a talking snake that was actually that guy who follows his orders.

I guess they hadn't discovered the laws of proof reading back then.

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24-04-2014, 11:25 AM
RE: Jesus out in the desert
(23-04-2014 12:54 PM)dancefortwo Wrote:  I'm always curious how people believe this crap.

So Jesus goes out in the desert and is tempted by the devil and he has sort of a conversation with the devil and blah, blah, blah and there's three temptations and blah, blah and then after 40 days returns from the desert and blah, blah, blah happens.

I always wondered, did someone follow him out there and write all this stuff down? Or did Jesus come back and brag, er, um, tell everyone about it?

When Jesus went out to the garden of Gethsemane and talks to god, comes back and finds his disciples asleep, did someone follow him out there and write it down? Same question with the ghost that impregnates Mary. Was someone in the room besides the ghost to witnessed the rape, er, um, conception so they could write it all down?

Firstly, the Mary and Jesus characters in the story seemed to have a lot of visions and hallucinations and may have needed some anti-psychotic medication....... secondly, who was around to write it all down.

How in gods name (pun intended) do people not think about this and realize it isn't evidence but just story telling. I did when I first heard these stories at 8 or 9 years old. I mean.....Facepalm Dodgy
Along this same line of thought, I used to wonder how anyone could know that Mary was a virgin. I mean, unless she lost her virginity at some point (and of course we've never heard that she did), then we would have to be merely taking her word for it. How could anyone else know? Even if she lost her virginity, we'd be taking her partner's word for it that he was the first. Oh, I'm sorry, God communicated the information to an angel who communicated it to Biblical authors. Yeah that must be it. Laughat

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24-04-2014, 11:30 AM
RE: Jesus out in the desert
(24-04-2014 11:25 AM)Impulse Wrote:  
(23-04-2014 12:54 PM)dancefortwo Wrote:  I'm always curious how people believe this crap.

So Jesus goes out in the desert and is tempted by the devil and he has sort of a conversation with the devil and blah, blah, blah and there's three temptations and blah, blah and then after 40 days returns from the desert and blah, blah, blah happens.

I always wondered, did someone follow him out there and write all this stuff down? Or did Jesus come back and brag, er, um, tell everyone about it?

When Jesus went out to the garden of Gethsemane and talks to god, comes back and finds his disciples asleep, did someone follow him out there and write it down? Same question with the ghost that impregnates Mary. Was someone in the room besides the ghost to witnessed the rape, er, um, conception so they could write it all down?

Firstly, the Mary and Jesus characters in the story seemed to have a lot of visions and hallucinations and may have needed some anti-psychotic medication....... secondly, who was around to write it all down.

How in gods name (pun intended) do people not think about this and realize it isn't evidence but just story telling. I did when I first heard these stories at 8 or 9 years old. I mean.....Facepalm Dodgy
Along this same line of thought, I used to wonder how anyone could know that Mary was a virgin. I mean, unless she lost her virginity at some point (and of course we've never heard that she did), then we would have to be merely taking her word for it. How could anyone else know? Even if she lost her virginity, we'd be taking her partner's word for it that he was the first. Oh, I'm sorry, God communicated the information to an angel who communicated it to Biblical authors. Yeah that must be it. Laughat

Best line I've heard regarding this came from Dogma.

Quote:Bethany: Jesus didn't have any brothers or sisters. Mary was a virgin.
Rufus: Mary gave birth to CHRIST without having known a man's touch, that's true. But she did have a husband. And do you really think he'd have stayed married to her all those years if he wasn't getting laid? The nature of God and the Virgin birth, those are leaps of faith. But to believe a married couple never got down? Well, that's just plain gullibility.

Excuse me, I'm making perfect sense. You're just not keeping up.

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24-04-2014, 11:39 AM
RE: Jesus out in the desert
(24-04-2014 11:30 AM)itsnotmeitsyou Wrote:  
(24-04-2014 11:25 AM)Impulse Wrote:  Along this same line of thought, I used to wonder how anyone could know that Mary was a virgin. I mean, unless she lost her virginity at some point (and of course we've never heard that she did), then we would have to be merely taking her word for it. How could anyone else know? Even if she lost her virginity, we'd be taking her partner's word for it that he was the first. Oh, I'm sorry, God communicated the information to an angel who communicated it to Biblical authors. Yeah that must be it. Laughat

Best line I've heard regarding this came from Dogma.

Quote:Bethany: Jesus didn't have any brothers or sisters. Mary was a virgin.
Rufus: Mary gave birth to CHRIST without having known a man's touch, that's true. But she did have a husband. And do you really think he'd have stayed married to her all those years if he wasn't getting laid? The nature of God and the Virgin birth, those are leaps of faith. But to believe a married couple never got down? Well, that's just plain gullibility.
Laugh out load

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24-04-2014, 11:59 AM
RE: Jesus out in the desert
Yes, the belief is that the writers of the various books were inspired by the Holy Spirit and therefore received the eye witness accounts from God. I'm no medical expert, but this passage does trouble me (from Luke 4: 1-2 - Douay Rheims Challoner edition):

"[1] And Jesus being full of the Holy Ghost, returned from the Jordan, and was led by the Spirit into the desert, [2] For the space of forty days; and was tempted by the devil. And he ate nothing in those days; and when they were ended, he was hungry."

Note, I also checked the NIV and KJV and all 3 versions agree that he ate nothing. What puzzles me about this is that if Jesus was supposed to be fully man on earth, not eating anything for 40 days should have killed him. I guess God could have kept him alive, but if we're supposed to be keying on his humanity then this makes no sense to me.

The other part about the inspiration of the bible is why 3 versions of the same gospel story? If the intent was to create a holy book for followers, then why wouldn't there be just ONE Gospel about Jesus?
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24-04-2014, 01:00 PM
RE: Jesus out in the desert
(24-04-2014 11:59 AM)Plan 9 from OS Wrote:  What puzzles me about this is that if Jesus was supposed to be fully man on earth, not eating anything for 40 days should have killed him. I guess God could have kept him alive, but if we're supposed to be keying on his humanity then this makes no sense to me.

It's seemingly possible for mere mortals to survive 40 days with nothing but water:
Article from Scientific American

(24-04-2014 11:59 AM)Plan 9 from OS Wrote:  The other part about the inspiration of the bible is why 3 versions of the same gospel story? If the intent was to create a holy book for followers, then why wouldn't there be just ONE Gospel about Jesus?

This is also a 'problem' that got recognised and answered by the compilation of the Diatessaron not long after the four canonical Gospels were in circulation. The harmonization didn't catch enough wind to bury the singular documents into the sands of history.

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24-04-2014, 04:10 PM
RE: Jesus out in the desert
(24-04-2014 11:25 AM)Impulse Wrote:  
(23-04-2014 12:54 PM)dancefortwo Wrote:  I'm always curious how people believe this crap.

So Jesus goes out in the desert and is tempted by the devil and he has sort of a conversation with the devil and blah, blah, blah and there's three temptations and blah, blah and then after 40 days returns from the desert and blah, blah, blah happens.

I always wondered, did someone follow him out there and write all this stuff down? Or did Jesus come back and brag, er, um, tell everyone about it?

When Jesus went out to the garden of Gethsemane and talks to god, comes back and finds his disciples asleep, did someone follow him out there and write it down? Same question with the ghost that impregnates Mary. Was someone in the room besides the ghost to witnessed the rape, er, um, conception so they could write it all down?

Firstly, the Mary and Jesus characters in the story seemed to have a lot of visions and hallucinations and may have needed some anti-psychotic medication....... secondly, who was around to write it all down.

How in gods name (pun intended) do people not think about this and realize it isn't evidence but just story telling. I did when I first heard these stories at 8 or 9 years old. I mean.....Facepalm Dodgy
Along this same line of thought, I used to wonder how anyone could know that Mary was a virgin. I mean, unless she lost her virginity at some point (and of course we've never heard that she did), then we would have to be merely taking her word for it. How could anyone else know? Even if she lost her virginity, we'd be taking her partner's word for it that he was the first. Oh, I'm sorry, God communicated the information to an angel who communicated it to Biblical authors. Yeah that must be it. Laughat


Maybe Mary and Joe just had oral sex. Technically you're still a virgin. Big Grin

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