Jesusalousy
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11-09-2011, 01:52 PM
Jesusalousy
I'm not looking for a help but I'd really appreciate your comments on this, especially if you have a decent experience in relationships Wink

I had a girlfriend in another country - far away from me, so we were physically together only on my rare visits to hers. However, we were really into each other - and I do know when a girl is really into me. So no wonder at some point we decided to move her to my town. Everybody in her family was against that decision, but we stood strong.

However, two days before the airplane she suddenly stopped replying to my text messages. When we finally talked, she was totally confused and said she wasn't gonna come. Naturally, I assumed that was a pure fear of taking a big step in her life, and did my best to change her mind. I always had a big influence on her, but that time I crashed into a concrete wall of her refusal to give me any good reasons. I was deeply upset about her not coming as well as about my total loss of trust to her, so after the plane left, I send her a breakup email.

Shortly after, I discovered the real reason of her sudden change. She is a Christian, and a couple days before her supposed departure she visited the church and talked to some of her religious relatives. Apparently, they told her that leaving her family to cohabit with some bad guy (who even doesn't believe in God) is a sin. So she sacrificed her happiness on Earth for the sake of the afterlife. And knowing that I would not accept such a reason, she just told me it was anxiety.

Ever since I learned she's even started religious studies, I feel like I'm on some sort of drug which causes constant pain to your brain. First, it's just the pure idea that some religious fanatics could have affected our mutual happiness. Second, I can't stand the idea that my girl, even an ex, is now being fed a constant flow of B.S. (Bible Study) and someday may even go to a mission to feed this B.S. to others.

What is really ridiculous is that the feeling I experience now is absolutely similar to jealousy. Just like that song says, "Jesus stole my girlfriend". I hate being jealous, this feeling is responsible for the most stupid things I've ever done in my life, and I feel especially silly for being jealous toward a guy who's died about two thousand years ago (if ever existed). But I just can't help it, no matter how much I try to rationalize.

I never talked to her since then, and I'm afraid that when/if I talk to her, I would just end up with a hate speech to Christianity which can only scare her even further away from me and make her stick to the church.

On the other hand, I think that for whatever reason a relationship was broken, it can't and shouldn't be restored. All we can do is to try to start again after the time passes (say, a year). By that time, she will probably be so brainwashed that I won't be able to even recognize her.

So I think I should try to forget her and calm down my jesusalousy. What are your thoughts, ladies and gentlemen?
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11-09-2011, 04:53 PM
RE: Jesusalousy
I think staying cool is probably your best option at this point.
People have lost their love to all kinds of things: family ties, fear, drink, death, money, class - and yes, religion is one of the most common causes of a rift.

Obviously, feeling the way you do, and she feeling the way she does, you couldn't have been happy together. Constant tension, arguments, tears, cold nights and silent days. Who needs it?

On the other hand, it's quite possible that she will become disillusioned with her new imaginary boyfriend. (Not catholic, right? She's not entering a convent?) Or rather, with the company he makes her keep. The stern relatives and instructors, in their zeal to gather her back in the fold after this narrow escape may prove too stultifying. She may miss you and wonder why she made such a stupid choice. She may secretly grow a backbone of resistance - especially if this intensive teaching includes a closer look at the absurdities that she may, up till now, accepted without reflection.

Yes. Ask her again in a year. Things might be quite different.*
(*Unless, of course, you're happy with someone else by then.)

If you pray to anything, you're prey to anything.
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11-09-2011, 09:52 PM
RE: Jesusalousy
Hi, its very big of you to share this. Well done!

Bear in mind this girl has obviously been brainwashed from an early age. Would you, in the long run, have had a great relationship with her?

I know I couldn't live with a typical "Jesus head". Inevitably the mystical thinking, the irrationality, the fucked up ideas about sex, the lack of genuine communication, the paranoia and the pretense would get to me.

Give me a good healthy normal atheist woman any day! LOL
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12-09-2011, 07:01 AM
RE: Jesusalousy
Sorry to hear this man, but you said it, once it breaks, there is no point in going back, it can not be repaired the way it was. Time will help you, unfortunately it is very hard to find somebody with whom you can have really good and opened relationship, as I have a feeling this was, in the beginning. My advice? None. In situations like this only you can decide what is best for you and your relationship. You can always take a plane ticket and go confront her directly, or never call her again, but ... Even if you confront her, if you do start the talk, I don't really think you would be able to explain to her that religion is not worth throwing away your love, relationship, friend, specially not someone with whom she thought of moving in and living together... It is hard, but that is what religion does to people, it slowly kills them from inside, turning them into brainwashed zombies. If you think it is not too late, do it, go to her, if you think it is too late, try to move on. In a year she will only get worse, no point in trying again after so much time.

Ask yourself this, also, does she deserve someone like you if she puts her imaginary friend before her true, big love? (I will presume that she really did love you)

P.S.

Oh yeah, feel free to send her this link, let her read a little what normal people think about this situation and her actions. It can not hurt, not anymore.

[Image: a6505fe8.jpg]
I have a theory that the truth is never told during the nine-to-five hours.
-Hunter S. Thompson
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12-09-2011, 02:01 PM
RE: Jesusalousy
Hi everyone, and thank you so much for your feedback!

(11-09-2011 09:52 PM)Mark Fulton Wrote:  Bear in mind this girl has obviously been brainwashed from an early age.
I am not sure this was the case... but the truth is, we never really talked about religion. It's my fault, cause every time she tried to, I just acted like I wasn't interested.
My plan was to raise this topic later. Obviously, it was a mistake.

(11-09-2011 09:52 PM)Mark Fulton Wrote:  I know I couldn't live with a typical "Jesus head".
She never looked like a typical one. Her thoughts and actions always seemed rather rational... before the moment I wrote about.
But as the months - and her studies - go by, maybe I will face a true preacher who no longer agrees to even share a bed with a man unless they're married and he's Christian.

(12-09-2011 07:01 AM)Filox Wrote:  Oh yeah, feel free to send her this link, let her read a little what normal people think about this situation and her actions.
I don't think I will do this, at least now, or it will look like I'm desperately trying to quickly win her back using some antichrist logic.
And also... Her religion may have stolen her happiness, but at least it now occupies her mind from suffering of having broken up with me. Imagine she suddenly realizes that all this crucifix stuff is a total shit, and yet she'd be unable to rejoin with me (for whatever reason). What's left for her? A suicide?

(11-09-2011 04:53 PM)Peterkin Wrote:  On the other hand, it's quite possible that she will become disillusioned with her new imaginary boyfriend.
I agree to your point. Either she will understand that all this stuff isn't worth a single moment of a normal human happiness, or she's just unable to think on her own and hence would be a pain in the ass to deal with in the long run, anyway.

(11-09-2011 04:53 PM)Peterkin Wrote:  (Not catholic, right? She's not entering a convent?)
Lol now I must admit my complete ignorance on the subject of Catholicism... Tongue
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13-09-2011, 03:25 AM
RE: Jesusalousy
Hey evilflower.

Sorry to hear about your situation, I can't imagine how it would feel to break-up because of religion.

What I personally would do is to write her a letter explaining all my feelings and thoughts around the break-up, her path towards fundamentalism etc.
After you finish writing the letter you can decide if you feel like sending it or not, but usually it helps to just write everything down as a way to sort out your feelings on the subject.

If you ever do talk to her again it will probably be slightly easier to hold a normal conversation on the topic instead of a hate-speech if you've written down and rationalized your thoughts beforehand.

Take care,
Martin
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13-09-2011, 04:20 AM
RE: Jesusalousy
(12-09-2011 02:01 PM)evilflower Wrote:  
(12-09-2011 07:01 AM)Filox Wrote:  Oh yeah, feel free to send her this link, let her read a little what normal people think about this situation and her actions.
I don't think I will do this, at least now, or it will look like I'm desperately trying to quickly win her back using some antichrist logic.
And also... Her religion may have stolen her happiness, but at least it now occupies her mind from suffering of having broken up with me. Imagine she suddenly realizes that all this crucifix stuff is a total shit, and yet she'd be unable to rejoin with me (for whatever reason). What's left for her? A suicide?

Why suicide, why not "Please forgive me, I was so stupid and I listened to my stupid relatives, can you ever forgive me?" I think that is way better and easier that suicide, and also I think that would happen sooner than suicide, if she would ever realize our truth...

[Image: a6505fe8.jpg]
I have a theory that the truth is never told during the nine-to-five hours.
-Hunter S. Thompson
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