Judging people
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08-07-2013, 10:29 AM
Judging people
I recently had a conversation with a religious friend of mine. Most of her other friends are from her church.

So she says: " you know, what makes you different and easy to talk to is that you don't judge. All my other friends judge".

This has given me a lot of food for thought.

1. Can one go through life without ever judging anyone?
2. Are there times when judging someone is positive?
3. Are we as atheists prone to be less judgmental?
4. any other thoughts?

I would love to hear what others think about this.

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08-07-2013, 10:35 AM
RE: Judging people
Judging people is essential to being human. What she means to say is that you don't express your judgements outwardly in a condescending way. That is something that can be accomplished, but we can't help but judge.

And judging doesn't just mean judging them in a bad way either. You can judge someone in a good way too, and that can come back to bite you in the ass (con-men for instance). And judging people puts you in a position to expect possible outcomes. I was at the beach the other day with my son and a buddy of mine with his kid. There was another family playing along with us at the beach and the guy seemed, off. It wasn't the tattoos or his appearance that caused me to judge, it was his mannerisms and his words. And then my friend pointed out the track marks on his arms. Judging him meant I put a little bit more effort in watching my son while near him. He didn't do anything, but he played aggressively with his kids (who were older than my son) and my son was playing with his kids, and it is better to anticipate the worst rather than accepting it.

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08-07-2013, 10:43 AM
RE: Judging people
We all judge in a split second of meeting someone and we don't even realize we do it. It's not so much about not judging but about knowing how to be in charge of our own minds and change the judgement if necessary.

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08-07-2013, 10:45 AM
RE: Judging people
(08-07-2013 10:35 AM)TheBeardedDude Wrote:  Judging people is essential to being human. What she means to say is that you don't express your judgements outwardly in a condescending way. That is something that can be accomplished, but we can't help but judge.

And judging doesn't just mean judging them in a bad way either. You can judge someone in a good way too, and that can come back to bite you in the ass (con-men for instance). And judging people puts you in a position to expect possible outcomes. I was at the beach the other day with my son and a buddy of mine with his kid. There was another family playing along with us at the beach and the guy seemed, off. It wasn't the tattoos or his appearance that caused me to judge, it was his mannerisms and his words. And then my friend pointed out the track marks on his arms. Judging him meant I put a little bit more effort in watching my son while near him. He didn't do anything, but he played aggressively with his kids (who were older than my son) and my son was playing with his kids, and it is better to anticipate the worst rather than accepting it.

So is it then a matter of what you judge and how you react? degrees?

What she meant was more like that I don't judge her for admitting to masturbation, for wearing a low cut blouse, for missing church of course and all kinds of things that I consider trivial or human.

And even if she did things I don't like, I would not judge her on it, there is no point to it.

In your example, it is more what I would term a "judgment call", a decision whether it is safe or desirable to associate with a given person...

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08-07-2013, 10:46 AM
RE: Judging people
(08-07-2013 10:29 AM)Dom Wrote:  I recently had a conversation with a religious friend of mine. Most of her other friends are from her church.

So she says: " you know, what makes you different and easy to talk to is that you don't judge. All my other friends judge".

This has given me a lot of food for thought.

1. Can one go through life without ever judging anyone?
2. Are there times when judging someone is positive?
3. Are we as atheists prone to be less judgmental?
4. any other thoughts?

I would love to hear what others think about this.

I find that it's not that atheists judge less than others we just judge differently (in most cases) as we don't have a handy dandy little cosmic rulebook thats sanctions our bigotry. When we come across a situation we have to actually think about it and come up with a rational conclusion, in most cases, we are still human and prone to all that is humanity. Rendering No judgement would mean you could never take a stand on anything and to do that you would have to be a member of Congress. (rimshot)

I make judgements all the time, most I would like to think are based on reason and facts though every once in awhile I find I believe something for unknown reasons and then go about fixing that. I judge that anyone that buries a woman up to her waist in the dirt and then stones her because she was raped to be barbaric to the worst degree. I judge any cleric that filed paperwork to transfer a priest suspected of abusing children to be as guilty for the subsequent offenses committed as the actual priest. I judge that the anti-vax crowd has been following a charlatan and has cause harm far beyond the merits of their claims.

I, however, believe in freedom of person and that equality is an ideal worth fighting for. I do not judge anyone for whom they love. I do not judge anyone for where they were born or who their parents were. I do not judge based on the colour of a persons skin. I find that those that follow a religion are more into the clannishness that fosters the judgements that bring up barriers and create an us vs them atmosphere.

Judgement is not bad but Pre-judgement based on stereotypes and false data is. Hating people based on creed or colour is a relic from the past and deserves to be ridiculed and despised and that is a Judgement I live by.

(31-07-2014 04:37 PM)Luminon Wrote:  America is full of guns, but they're useless, because nobody has the courage to shoot an IRS agent in self-defense
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08-07-2013, 10:49 AM
RE: Judging people
(08-07-2013 10:45 AM)Dom Wrote:  
(08-07-2013 10:35 AM)TheBeardedDude Wrote:  Judging people is essential to being human. What she means to say is that you don't express your judgements outwardly in a condescending way. That is something that can be accomplished, but we can't help but judge.

And judging doesn't just mean judging them in a bad way either. You can judge someone in a good way too, and that can come back to bite you in the ass (con-men for instance). And judging people puts you in a position to expect possible outcomes. I was at the beach the other day with my son and a buddy of mine with his kid. There was another family playing along with us at the beach and the guy seemed, off. It wasn't the tattoos or his appearance that caused me to judge, it was his mannerisms and his words. And then my friend pointed out the track marks on his arms. Judging him meant I put a little bit more effort in watching my son while near him. He didn't do anything, but he played aggressively with his kids (who were older than my son) and my son was playing with his kids, and it is better to anticipate the worst rather than accepting it.

So is it then a matter of what you judge and how you react? degrees?

What she meant was more like that I don't judge her for admitting to masturbation, for wearing a low cut blouse, for missing church of course and all kinds of things that I consider trivial or human.

And even if she did things I don't like, I would not judge her on it, there is no point to it.

In your example, it is more what I would term a "judgment call", a decision whether it is safe or desirable to associate with a given person...

You still judge her for things like masturbation and low-cut blouses, you just judge them to be normal human actions to be publicly fit for discussion.

Maybe what she means to say is that you don't judge her in a negative way, and she likes that (who wouldn't?). But you do judge her, that too is normal.

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08-07-2013, 11:02 AM
RE: Judging people
(08-07-2013 10:49 AM)TheBeardedDude Wrote:  
(08-07-2013 10:45 AM)Dom Wrote:  So is it then a matter of what you judge and how you react? degrees?

What she meant was more like that I don't judge her for admitting to masturbation, for wearing a low cut blouse, for missing church of course and all kinds of things that I consider trivial or human.

And even if she did things I don't like, I would not judge her on it, there is no point to it.

In your example, it is more what I would term a "judgment call", a decision whether it is safe or desirable to associate with a given person...

You still judge her for things like masturbation and low-cut blouses, you just judge them to be normal human actions to be publicly fit for discussion.

Maybe what she means to say is that you don't judge her in a negative way, and she likes that (who wouldn't?). But you do judge her, that too is normal.

Ok, so.... maybe the topic I am really thinking of is tolerance then.

Because most all of my life I find myself more tolerant of behaviors or viewpoints than others, even if I personally don't approve of them at all.

I find the only thing that exceeds my tolerance is when a behavior or attitude actually harms someone else.

Other than that, I don't get much bothered by things.

Years ago, another friend called it a "lack of principles".

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08-07-2013, 11:03 AM
RE: Judging people
There we go, I think that gets us on the same page.

And you are most likely intolerant of intolerance. So am I.

(08-07-2013 11:02 AM)Dom Wrote:  
(08-07-2013 10:49 AM)TheBeardedDude Wrote:  You still judge her for things like masturbation and low-cut blouses, you just judge them to be normal human actions to be publicly fit for discussion.

Maybe what she means to say is that you don't judge her in a negative way, and she likes that (who wouldn't?). But you do judge her, that too is normal.

Ok, so.... maybe the topic I am really thinking of is tolerance then.

Because most all of my life I find myself more tolerant of behaviors or viewpoints than others, even if I personally don't approve of them at all.

I find the only thing that exceeds my tolerance is when a behavior or attitude actually harms someone else.

Other than that, I don't get much bothered by things.

Years ago, another friend called it a "lack of principles".

Evolve
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08-07-2013, 11:09 AM
RE: Judging people
No judging cant b positive
when u consider positively smthg else it is called value

judging is like in court, dealing with wills so not right things, to see how far it is involved in being wrong

that is why it is normal to judge another when its move is clearly offensive for no reason

while it is very wrong to judge even criminals when they are presently seeming right

this is why it is a delicate ways when the issue of right and wrong is existential
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08-07-2013, 11:15 AM
RE: Judging people
(08-07-2013 11:03 AM)TheBeardedDude Wrote:  There we go, I think that gets us on the same page.

And you are most likely intolerant of intolerance. So am I.

(08-07-2013 11:02 AM)Dom Wrote:  Ok, so.... maybe the topic I am really thinking of is tolerance then.

Because most all of my life I find myself more tolerant of behaviors or viewpoints than others, even if I personally don't approve of them at all.

I find the only thing that exceeds my tolerance is when a behavior or attitude actually harms someone else.

Other than that, I don't get much bothered by things.

Years ago, another friend called it a "lack of principles".

True. And that is kind of funny.Smile

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