Judging people
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09-07-2013, 07:30 PM
RE: Judging people

Absols,
Please refrain from being argumentative in threads posted under the 'Personal Issues & Support' banner.
This is your third and final warning.

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09-07-2013, 07:31 PM
RE: Judging people
absols has been warned by me about his behaviour in this section.

Edit. and by Aurora apparently Tongue

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09-07-2013, 07:35 PM
RE: Judging people
(09-07-2013 07:29 PM)Momsurroundedbyboys Wrote:  
(09-07-2013 06:50 PM)Dom Wrote:  I never went to therapy. The anger was cathartic. I had never been angry at "HIM". I had never experienced anger like that. You know, when I was little and this was going on, "HE" was like god to me. All powerful, all knowing.

When I remembered "HIM" though, I also remembered everything else from those years. And that was very good. My parents were such good parents. They taught me so much, they taught me to think for myself. Probably if they hadn't balanced my life somewhat back then, I would have emerged a total disaster. It's because of them that I am ok.

In any case, there are still two big gaps in my memory. Both times he drove me someplace. The memory stops in the car. I hope I never remember what happened there.

I'm glad you have great parents...it's hard going through things (even if you never told them) without family support. I was messed up for a long time because I lacked guidance and support. My grandmother didn't understand how to deal with me. I kinda feel bad for that. She was chock full of her own issues. She was bitter and downright hateful at times.

Good family can make a difference. I think that's why I wanted to stay home after the kids were born -- I really wanted to give them the sense of security that I never had.

It sure does. And I didn't not tell them because I was afraid of what they would do or say, I kept quiet because I knew it was very bad news and it would hurt them. I rather hurt myself than them.

And I see that in you regarding your dad a bit too.

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09-07-2013, 07:36 PM
RE: Judging people
(09-07-2013 07:01 PM)Bows and Arrows Wrote:  
(09-07-2013 05:32 PM)Momsurroundedbyboys Wrote:  I dunno, I want to believe no. I don't know tho. I never had kids over tho after that inside the house. (this was before I started school I think).

Thru middle school I stayed at my friends house many nights a week, I didn't know at the time that the step father was abusing my friend and her little sister. My being there kept him away from her. She didn't tell me until she moved out when we went to college. Looking back her little sister (about 3 years younger than us) probably received more attention because she wasn't hanging out with us. Her life spiraled out of control at a really young age and she never recovered. She wasn't able to deal with it like her sister, even after he left.

That's just heart wrenching.

I'm lucky I didn't get too bad. I did a lot of things that totally could have screwed up my life. I think my husband got me through it.

He saw all my quirks and felt they were sweet. He knew I was messed up....but he didn't think I was 'broken' he helped me a lot.

I wish your friends sister could have gotten help from somewhere.

And also, today there are much more resources than there were back then. Everyone knew it was wrong, but it's like no one knew what to do about it.


God is a concept by which we measure our pain -- John Lennon

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09-07-2013, 07:45 PM
RE: Judging people
(09-07-2013 07:36 PM)Momsurroundedbyboys Wrote:  
(09-07-2013 07:01 PM)Bows and Arrows Wrote:  Thru middle school I stayed at my friends house many nights a week, I didn't know at the time that the step father was abusing my friend and her little sister. My being there kept him away from her. She didn't tell me until she moved out when we went to college. Looking back her little sister (about 3 years younger than us) probably received more attention because she wasn't hanging out with us. Her life spiraled out of control at a really young age and she never recovered. She wasn't able to deal with it like her sister, even after he left.

That's just heart wrenching.

I'm lucky I didn't get too bad. I did a lot of things that totally could have screwed up my life. I think my husband got me through it.

He saw all my quirks and felt they were sweet. He knew I was messed up....but he didn't think I was 'broken' he helped me a lot.

I wish your friends sister could have gotten help from somewhere.

And also, today there are much more resources than there were back then. Everyone knew it was wrong, but it's like no one knew what to do about it.

It's more out in the open now like a lot of things and there seems to be less blaming of the victim (one would hope anyway) The national and international scandals of late may have the benefit of opening peoples eyes that anyone could be doing this kind of thing.

(31-07-2014 04:37 PM)Luminon Wrote:  America is full of guns, but they're useless, because nobody has the courage to shoot an IRS agent in self-defense
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09-07-2013, 07:46 PM
RE: Judging people
(09-07-2013 07:36 PM)Momsurroundedbyboys Wrote:  
(09-07-2013 07:01 PM)Bows and Arrows Wrote:  Thru middle school I stayed at my friends house many nights a week, I didn't know at the time that the step father was abusing my friend and her little sister. My being there kept him away from her. She didn't tell me until she moved out when we went to college. Looking back her little sister (about 3 years younger than us) probably received more attention because she wasn't hanging out with us. Her life spiraled out of control at a really young age and she never recovered. She wasn't able to deal with it like her sister, even after he left.

That's just heart wrenching.

I'm lucky I didn't get too bad. I did a lot of things that totally could have screwed up my life. I think my husband got me through it.

He saw all my quirks and felt they were sweet. He knew I was messed up....but he didn't think I was 'broken' he helped me a lot.

I wish your friends sister could have gotten help from somewhere.

And also, today there are much more resources than there were back then. Everyone knew it was wrong, but it's like no one knew what to do about it.

There were zero resources.

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09-07-2013, 07:49 PM
RE: Judging people
For too long, children were seen as property to be done with as the parent or other adult wished. Kids were to respect authority. Unfortunately, a lot of that mindset comes from religion. This is for sexual and physical abuse...what went on it the home was supposed to stay hidden and was no one else's business.

Too slowly, that is changing.

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09-07-2013, 07:54 PM
RE: Judging people
(09-07-2013 07:36 PM)Momsurroundedbyboys Wrote:  
(09-07-2013 07:01 PM)Bows and Arrows Wrote:  Thru middle school I stayed at my friends house many nights a week, I didn't know at the time that the step father was abusing my friend and her little sister. My being there kept him away from her. She didn't tell me until she moved out when we went to college. Looking back her little sister (about 3 years younger than us) probably received more attention because she wasn't hanging out with us. Her life spiraled out of control at a really young age and she never recovered. She wasn't able to deal with it like her sister, even after he left.

That's just heart wrenching.

I'm lucky I didn't get too bad. I did a lot of things that totally could have screwed up my life. I think my husband got me through it.

He saw all my quirks and felt they were sweet. He knew I was messed up....but he didn't think I was 'broken' he helped me a lot.

I wish your friends sister could have gotten help from somewhere.

And also, today there are much more resources than there were back then. Everyone knew it was wrong, but it's like no one knew what to do about it.

Its one of those things that when you are a kid and not aware of what is going on in the family, then one day you are an adult and look back and see things so differently and really wish you had lived differently. Even just being nicer to her sister and letting her hang with us--rather than being bratty 14 year olds and not wanting the 'little sister' in our business. If I would have had any idea-they would have been living at our house--everyday. My parents took in 2 kids from another family we knew. I just didn't know. The little sister started running away from home about age 13, we would have to go look for her, alcohol, drugs, car accidents with helicopters flying her to the hospital, drop out of high school, prostitution, horrible boyfriends, ended up naked, rolled in a blanket, dumped in a parking lot, beat to death with a hammer at age 25. I think she did live at my parents one summer while I was still away at college, but by then she was on a path of destruction.

It's horrible what it can do to someone.


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09-07-2013, 07:55 PM
RE: Judging people
(09-07-2013 07:35 PM)Dom Wrote:  
(09-07-2013 07:29 PM)Momsurroundedbyboys Wrote:  I'm glad you have great parents...it's hard going through things (even if you never told them) without family support. I was messed up for a long time because I lacked guidance and support. My grandmother didn't understand how to deal with me. I kinda feel bad for that. She was chock full of her own issues. She was bitter and downright hateful at times.

Good family can make a difference. I think that's why I wanted to stay home after the kids were born -- I really wanted to give them the sense of security that I never had.

It sure does. And I didn't not tell them because I was afraid of what they would do or say, I kept quiet because I knew it was very bad news and it would hurt them. I rather hurt myself than them.

And I see that in you regarding your dad a bit too.

Yea exactly to a point. Once he died, I was more or less like that's over. Also I never thought theyd believe it. Especially my mom. My grandpa, if he found the stuff after my dad died -- I dunno. I didnt think of that until years later. My grandma was too busy being a martyr with all the crosses she had to bear...

I was not typical...I would act out a lot...which is why I say they wouldn't have believed me.

When my mom died there was another cathartic release...I know she had to have had an idea.

And honestly with my grandmother our relationship was strained until I left the state. I was thrilled to be away from her.

My kids ask about my childhood and I tell them nothing. There's nothing good to tell. Or I'll focus on generic stuff like I would stay out of the house all day long. Or riding my bike everywhere.

Someone asked me once, if I could write a memoir about my childhood what would it be called. I replied without thinking, "I'd call it the childhood that wasn't there."


God is a concept by which we measure our pain -- John Lennon

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09-07-2013, 08:04 PM
RE: Judging people
Bows, what a horrible story. That could have easily been me, except that for me there were the hippies. And they were kind and loving people. If I hadn't been able to do my acting out, drugs and what not within their community, I may well have ended up dead.

The childhood that wasn't there - exactly. That's what the bastards stole.

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