Just Venting - Will lose my Fiance if I don't "find god"
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28-07-2014, 08:49 PM
RE: Just Venting - Will lose my Fiance if I don't "find god"
That is a really tough situation, and I'm sorry you're in it. As everyone else has said, I see no way this can work out. From your point of view, you are being asked to completely deny who you are and pretend to believe a fairy tale. From her point of view, she will be forever worried about your soul and forever feel that she is somehow failing to bring you back to god. It is unfair for both of you. If you were perfectly content to spend the rest of your life going through the motions of religious belief, it could work. If she was a casual Christian content to go to church on Sundays then spend the rest of the week living is blissful godlessness with you, it could work. My own devoutly Christian sister is married to an atheist who could not care less that his wife loves god, puts god first, and takes the kids to church. I'm sure she worries about his soul, but she prays for him and I'm sure is confident he will one day be saved. It works because he can be who he is and she can be who she is. You situation is nothing like that. I really don't see how it could be anything but doomed.
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03-08-2014, 09:05 PM
RE: Just Venting - Will lose my Fiance if I don't "find god"
Jesus... Talk about a mixed marriage.

If religion dominates her thoughts that much, I'm sorry to say I doubt it'll last very long.

If you're entering into a long term relationship, both partners have to accept each other for who they are. Evidently, she doesn't accept you.

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04-08-2014, 06:52 AM
RE: Just Venting - Will lose my Fiance if I don't "find god"
Anybody who claims to have seen jesus is definitely not right in the head.. It might be a bit harsh but it is your fault to have fallen for a girl with this low caliber of intellect.. She has seen the jesus when she was a kid, end of story my friend.. You gotta live your life, meet as many people as you can, believe me when I say this, I live in Turkey and even I have been with many girls who had no problem marrying or being with an atheist guy so how come you could fall for such a person in the first place? Do you have such a small social circle? Expecting a church wedding is one thing but expecting you to "convert" is one step too many...

Forget about religion for a second here, I am 35 years old , I am married and got a kid if my wife would "force" me to do anything I don't want to, what kind of path to the happiness would that be? Why would you want to be with a girl in the first place? it is because you WANT to live a happy life, you want to have a healthy sex life and you want somebody be with you through fire and water, right? Claim your life, don't let anybody, religious or otherwise, dictate you who you can or you can't be.. don't let anybody waste your limited time on this rock. it is your "right" to be right.

"Pretend, this is a quote which would make you question your own wisdom and your life will never be the same after reading this." - Turk
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04-08-2014, 02:10 PM (This post was last modified: 04-08-2014 02:18 PM by TheInquisition.)
RE: Just Venting - Will lose my Fiance if I don't "find god"
I recommend that you watch the old series Star Trek episode Return Of The Archons This is what your future will be like, you will be "Of The Body", but there will never be any festival. It is the will of Landru.

At some point your inner Kirk will come out and it's going to get very messy!

I'm behind a firewall at work, but hopefully this link will work, enjoy!:




The tree of delusion is nourished by the vague promises and skewed perception of prayer. -The Inquisition

Using the supernatural to explain events in your life is a failure of the intellect to comprehend the world around you. -The Inquisition
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11-08-2014, 05:50 PM
RE: Just Venting - Will lose my Fiance if I don't "find god"
I am so sorry you're in this situation. I wish she could see how much you love her and accept you for who you are.

Another thought for you, would you ever want children? I'm sure you can imagine what an outright disaster co-parenting would be with such severe values.

If you are constantly wondering when she's going to tell you she's peacing out, I think you have your answer. You DESERVE better. You deserve someone who accepts you for who you are, and respects your beliefs.

Another good point, if she's that severe in her beliefs, does that mean that after 3 years you've never had any sexual contact? Ever? Obviously I'm not expecting an answer at all, but if she's going to be that cut throat about everything else and compromises when the gettings good for her, why can't she compromise and allow you to be yourself?

I'm so sorry Sad Please keep us updated. We're here to listen to your venting Smile
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12-08-2014, 02:41 AM
RE: Just Venting - Will lose my Fiance if I don't "find god"
Zellerscrossing, is one reason for trying to make this relationship work is that you lack self esteem or don't think that you'll find another person?

You must admit that the relationship is doomed. If you had more self esteem then you would demand to be loved for who you are. It sounds like you are being used by her. After all, she knows that you aren't a Christian and she isn't willing to accept you not becoming one so there must be some reason why she keeps you hanging around.

You need to believe me when I say that there is always someone out there who will love you for who you are. The trick is to find them. The longer you waste your efforts on a doomed relationship the harder it is to find the person who you are meant to be with.

You deserve better.
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12-08-2014, 07:27 AM
RE: Just Venting - Will lose my Fiance if I don't "find god"
She may be on a quest that once you are married she'll be able to convert you. How many nights are you prepared to sleep on the couch? At least babies won't get made unless it's by immaculate conception.
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15-08-2014, 08:44 AM
RE: Just Venting - Will lose my Fiance if I don't "find god"
When I met my wife we were both vaguely Christian- but were not going to church or acting on our faith. This is pretty much how things stayed until we had children. Now she is a fundamentalist and I am an atheist. Because I think she would leave me and take the kids to Texas if I talk to them about atheism, I pretty much am in a position of sitting back and watching them be indoctrinated. If they go to Texas and live with their fundamentalist grandparents, then they will be worse off than they are now. I don't want them to become a battleground by proxy for our beliefs. I love my wife dearly. I love my children. I hate to see any of them being fed the crap they get from their church. But I really have no choice and my heart breaks every day. Literally every day.

I handle it by trying to get the kids to think critically, and avoiding the subject of religion. They know I don't believe and they think I am going to hell. Their father who puts food on their table, hugs and kisses them goodnight, plays games with them, cuddles with them on the couch while watching movies, etc is so vile that he deserves to burn forever. Yeah, that hurts. I love my wife. I just hate what she has been told and threatened (with eternal torture) into believing. For her, making sure the kids are believers is winning a battle against the forces of darkness and preventing their eternal damnation. This is more important, to her, than life or death. It really brings out the momma bear in her.

You are the one who needs to decide what you are going to do, but I really hope you don't end up in a situation like mine and I am afraid you are risking that.

Good luck either way.
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15-08-2014, 08:58 AM
RE: Just Venting - Will lose my Fiance if I don't "find god"
Unless you want a life where you come second to her religion (and you do), it behooves you to end the relationship. It's that basic, unfortunately.

Good luck. It will be painful to end it but more painful to marry a super religious person.

((Hug))

The beauty of the heart, is the lasting beauty. - Rumi Heart
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15-08-2014, 09:08 AM
RE: Just Venting - Will lose my Fiance if I don't "find god"
Has there been an update from the OP?


So....what happened?


"Life is a daring adventure or it is nothing"--Helen Keller
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