Just ask Jesus to enter your life...
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01-12-2014, 06:21 PM
Just ask Jesus to enter your life...
It's the holidays again. I'm never sure if I mean to say that with excitement like a screeching kid elated over the prospect of getting a new shiny toy, or if I mean to convey it like an overworked, unpaid laborer with a large family that judges you on your offerings under the tree. Today it is certainly the latter.

The thanksgiving holiday was rough. My health is failing, the weather in Florida cannot decide to be warm or cold and the end of the year rush at work is making the few days we have remaining for this year difficult to endure. When I woke up this morning, I was already on the wrong side of the bed and as I limped into work and bit my tongue to dull the pain in my legs I turned on a little Seth to help me plug through the day.

I did not discover the podcast until a year ago, so I'm not sure if I'm proud to be in the 2013 archives already, or pissed that I haven't caught up yet but the topic I just listened to was the 2 hour conversion he had with his former boss at KXOJ. I never felt the need to *comment* before on any particular podcast, but this one dug into me a little more than I cared too and I need to express something about it.

First off, does any know what a contrarian is? I'd google it, but I'm just too tired. This isn't where the brunt of my rant will be, I just never heard the word. The boss referred to Seth as an atheists and himself as a contrarian when presented with the same evidence. I'm guess he doesn't mean "believer"? Anyway...

My main beef with this man's approach is what he counts as evidence. His little word game where he suckered Seth into acknowledging that evidence of love towards another person can be construed to show how someone's actions can show existence of God was annoying, but I'll forgive Seth's romantic view of the world. No, my issue was at the very end of the podcast the former boss stated that during our darkest moment, if we asked Jesus to enter our lives the changes we would experience would amount to proof that God existence is real.

In the middle of a workshop with other people standing around I screamed at a computer screen... "What makes you think I haven't already DONE that?"

Story time folks...

I have always been ignorant of religion. My mother says I'm catholic, but the moment I first saw Jesus nailed to the cross, I threw up a little. I knew then I wasn't catholic. As for my father's side of the family, Presbyterians put me to sleep so what little time I spent there didn't amount to much other then nap time. I used this time to make up for the fact that I'd stay up all night on saturday trying to save Princess Peach until my fingers turned blue.

Both of my parents eventually gave up trying to teach me religion so I grew up without it. I was six years into military service before I was introduced to it again. This time, in one of the darkest moments in my life.

I always thought of myself as a career sailor. I didn't have dreams of joining the Navy growing up, but when I joined I loved it so much I wanted to stay in forever. Sadly my career was cut short because I was diagnosed with Bipolar I Disorder when I went a surprising month or two without consistent sleep and my mood swings began to get noticed by others with a higher rank then me. Before I could even come to grips with the diagnoses, the Navy upended my entire lively hood by removing me from military service and the life I had come to love.

Fuck me...

So I'm a few months from discharge, 25 years old with a few thousand in debt (including a new car I just purchased some months before) no idea what I'm going to do about work or money, where I plan to live or how I'm going to deal with this condition when I meet a nice lady who took an interest in my story and decided to hook her religious talons into me at my moment of weakness. Oh yeah, it worked. Before I could blink I was standing in Pentacostal heaven singing praise to the ol' mighty that he'd cure me and make me better.

Fast forward a few weeks.

Oh the promises... the prayers, the phone calls... nothing that church did ever really helped me deal with my condition or the fact that my life was being turned upside down because of it. I didn't have bipolar disorder, I was just confused because I didn't have a relationship with God. When I tried to have one, I found myself beating the shit out of an innocent cat (I don't know why either, I blame the drugs) or feeling so desolate and unworthy that I spent an entire fourth of July weekend camped out underneath my pool table. This is the best God can do? Before I just had trouble sleeping, and I'd sometimes snap at people for asking me things but now I'm hurting animals and crying under pool tables? Umm... these aren't the changes the church promised.

The answer was clearly a revival camp!

So one weekend I went to this renewal of faith getaway to some ranch out in the woods and the entire time was spent trying to become immersed in the holy spirit (ie... speaking in tongues). Secretly, I was laughing on the inside watching these fools babble like infants but eventually I caved and began to babble myself. I really wanted to feel as good on the inside as these men felt on the outside (at least to me, I couldn't possibly speak to how they were really feeling). I ignored the fact that one of the men lost his entire month's pay when his vehicle was broken into and the church just shrugged that it was a "test of the man's faith", but I admit I bought it again and decided to be baptized. Finally, this curse of sickness will be healed and I will have a place with God.

Funny, two weeks after baptism I found myself swallowing an entire bottle of Seroquel and Ativan and before passing out, I nearly caught my apartment on fire when I decided it was a good idea to burn my old journal of dreams in a hibachi grill in my kitchen.

God must REALLY want me dead...

But a former good friend of mine who lived up stairs noticed the smoke and freed my near lifeless body from my smoldering apartment and when I woke up a few days later strapped to a bed I realized that Jesus had failed me. When I first was diagnosed, I listened to the sweet old lady who said God could fix me and I asked... I prayed... I sincerely asked Jesus to come down and guide me. I was ready for faith. I embraced it, and it resulted in the death of my cat and nearly myself.

Imagine my rage when I heard Seth's guest tell me to ask Jesus to enter my life at my darkest moment. I fucking miss that cat... best cat I ever had! I didn't manage to get my life turned around until I let that sadistic bastard (talking Jesus and by extension the church) go. I moved back home for awhile, went to school, gave up the drugs (bipolar drugs... not cocaine... HHHAAAAHHA) and now own my own house, have a great career and fell in love with another adorable cat. (I promise, the only time I "torture" this cat is when I am trying to take her to the vet). Sure I have a bad back that gives me all sort of grief (I'm fat, and love video games a little too much... nobody is perfect) but in the end, it wasn't Jesus that turned my life around. At least not for the better...

If I spent another day chasing Jesus... I shudder at the thought.

So that is my major gripe with God. When the chips are down who do you actually count on? God? I tried that... it was an embarrassing six months I'd like to forget. I don't because let's face it, I'd hate to repeat the same mistake again.

I'd also hate to lose another cat.

I am that kind of atheist by the way... the one "angry" at God. Or I was. Spending time with this community is making me realize I'm not angry at God. Just people who think God is a good idea. I spend a lot of time working through my problems on my own. This community helps me make sense of the world, and on occasion the nonsense that lives in my head.

Thanks guys! I appreciate the ability to babble here. Take care every one and Happy Holidays!

~ Ron
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01-12-2014, 06:32 PM
RE: Just ask Jesus to enter your life...
You killed your cat?
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01-12-2014, 06:39 PM
RE: Just ask Jesus to enter your life...
Blink wtf?


"Life is a daring adventure or it is nothing"--Helen Keller
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01-12-2014, 06:40 PM
RE: Just ask Jesus to enter your life...
The fire killed the cat... geez guys...

I was trying to make a point. I guess I failed. :/
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01-12-2014, 06:47 PM
RE: Just ask Jesus to enter your life...
[Image: tumblr_m25jtezVbZ1qkix9jo1_400.gif]

See here they are the bruises some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. - JF
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01-12-2014, 07:06 PM
RE: Just ask Jesus to enter your life...
Ah okay. You implied that you struck kitty in a rage and didn't mention him passing in the fire, so it seemed safe to assume you did something awful to kitty.

All the same...poor kitty.
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01-12-2014, 07:07 PM
RE: Just ask Jesus to enter your life...
Here is security camera footage from the apartment.
[Image: cat-abuse-07.jpg]

Remember, just because you want something to be true, doesn't make it true. Yes, even if you have faith.
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01-12-2014, 07:09 PM
RE: Just ask Jesus to enter your life...
Thanks for the heartfelt story, I hope that everything is going well, seem's like it's gotten a lot better at least. If you need anything always feel free to PM me.

Remember, just because you want something to be true, doesn't make it true. Yes, even if you have faith.
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01-12-2014, 07:10 PM
RE: Just ask Jesus to enter your life...
I get the idea people are focusing on the wrong part of the story...

Besides, I feel horrible over the kitty. It took me years to feel capable of getting another one. Well, I guess I deserve the wtf comments. No excuse ever hurting a cat...
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01-12-2014, 07:32 PM
RE: Just ask Jesus to enter your life...
Seth's old boss needs to invite Yoda into his life and maybe Elvis, but not fat Elvis. He could also invite ET, and maybe that talking tea cup from Beauty & the Beast. I personally want to invite the genie from Aladdin. I want me some wishes.

Insanity - doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results
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