Just jokes
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08-09-2016, 06:51 PM
RE: Just jokes
(08-09-2016 06:38 PM)Old Man Marsh Wrote:  


Laugh out load I laughed out loud for real. That ending is priceless! No, I don't watch much TV.
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08-09-2016, 07:15 PM
RE: Just jokes
A young husband and wife were sun bathing on a nude beach when a bee buzzed into the woman's vagina. The husband covered her with a coat, carried her to the car, and made a dash to the hospital.

After examining her, the doctor explained that the bee was too far in to be reached with forceps. He suggested the husband try to entice it out by putting honey on his penis, penetrating her and withdrawing as soon as he felt the bee.

The man agreed to try, but because he was so nervous, he couldn't rise to the occasion. "if neither of you objects," the medic said, "I could give it a try."

Under the circumstances, both agreed. The doctor quickly undressed, slathered on some honey and mounted the woman. The husband watched with increasing alarm as the doctor's thrust continued for several long minutes. "Hey, What the hell is happening?"

"Change of plans," The physician panted. " I'm going to drown the little bastard!."

We have to remember that what we observe is not nature herself, but nature exposed to our method of questioning ~ Werner Heisenberg
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09-09-2016, 01:06 AM
RE: Just jokes
A newly married couple decide they want to join a local evangelical church.

When interviewed by the priest he insists that they abstain from sex for a whole month.

A month later the couple return and are asked how they got on.

The guy said, "Well it was going well for the first two weeks but the temptation began to build. I tried to ignore my wife as she walked around the house and we went about our every day lives, but by the third week I could barely contain myself and finally in the fourth week I cracked. My wife and I had been discussing what we should have for dinner and when reaching up for a tin of beans, the sight of some extra bare leg flesh was too much. I grabbed her firmly and we had sex there and then".

"I'm sorry" says the priest, "But that means I will have to ban you from my church".

"Yes", says the guy, "That's what the supermarket said too".

The invisible and the non-existent look very much alike
Excreta Tauri Sapientam Fulgeat (The excrement of the bull causes wisdom to flee)
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12-09-2016, 04:11 PM
RE: Just jokes
Finished a government study on the effects of Alcohol on Motor skills...the results were staggering.
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12-09-2016, 05:25 PM
RE: Just jokes
I did this today paying my car insurance bill over the phone. The lady answering went through all the standard questions, then like any business at the end of the call upsold, and here last question was , "Do you have any questions?"

My answer, "Yes, why do men have nipples?"

She started laughing her ass off. I love making people laugh. It totally threw her off.

Poetry by Brian37(poems by an atheist) Also on Facebook as BrianJames Rational Poet and Twitter Brianrrs37
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15-09-2016, 08:14 PM
RE: Just jokes
Did you hear about the man who was cooled to absolute zero? He's 0k.

Need to think of a witty signature.
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15-09-2016, 09:00 PM (This post was last modified: 15-09-2016 09:06 PM by Old Man Marsh.)
RE: Just jokes
This farmer moved into a new area and went to town to get some livestock. He first asked the guy for a donkey to plow his fields. The guy at the store said," around here we called them donkeys, 'asses'." Said the only ass he had right now was a stubborn one and would work a while and stop, then you would have to scratch his chin and he would continue to work. Farmer said "I'll take him."

Next the farmer said he needed a rooster and hen to breed and lay eggs. Store owner said, "Son, around here we called the hens 'pullets' since they are always pullin' worms outa the ground, we call the roosters 'peckers' since they are always peckin' the ground lookin for corn." Farmer says "I'll take 'em."

He climbs on the ass and with the two chickens under his arms he rides back to his farm. About halfway home the ass stops. In fear of one of the chickens running away, he holds them under his arms and tries to figure out what to do. About that time, a little old lady comes along and says in a sheepish voice , "Sonny, is there anythin' I can help ya with?" to which the farmer replies , "Well lady, could you kindly hold my pecker and pullet while I scratch my ass?"

Don't let those gnomes and their illusions get you down. They're just gnomes and illusions.

--Jake the Dog, Adventure Time

Alouette, je te plumerai.
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16-09-2016, 12:37 AM
RE: Just jokes
STUDY ARCHAEOLOGY
Your career can be
IN RUINS
from day one!

Tomorrow is precious, don't ruin it by fouling up today.
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16-09-2016, 06:44 AM
RE: Just jokes
Last night I was so hungry I ate four cans of Alphabetti Spaghetti.

This morning I had a massive vowel movement.

The invisible and the non-existent look very much alike
Excreta Tauri Sapientam Fulgeat (The excrement of the bull causes wisdom to flee)
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16-09-2016, 09:08 AM
RE: Just jokes
(16-09-2016 06:44 AM)Silly Deity Wrote:  Last night I was so hungry I ate four cans of Alphabetti Spaghetti.

This morning I had a massive vowel movement.

That's consonant with my experience. I'll send a letter spelling out the details.

Atheism: it's not just for communists any more!
America July 4 1776 - November 8 2016 RIP
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