Just jokes
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16-09-2016, 02:07 PM
RE: Just jokes
Did you hear about the man who kept investigating Asian religions? When asked about his process of converting from one to the other, he said, "that was Zen, this is Tao."

(16-09-2016 12:37 AM)Gloucester Wrote:  
STUDY ARCHAEOLOGY
Your career can be
IN RUINS
from day one!

Laughed, but would have laughed more if the person I know with a BA in it wasn't unemployed and the person I know with an MA in it wasn't a homeschooling Catholic housewife. Undecided

Need to think of a witty signature.
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22-09-2016, 04:23 PM
RE: Just jokes
I was at a store looking up on a shelf for something and I bumped into something. I looked down and I had bumped into a midget. I asked him if he was okay. He said well I’m not happy. So I said then which one are you??
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24-09-2016, 07:57 AM
RE: Just jokes
(22-09-2016 04:23 PM)Fireball Wrote:  I was at a store looking up on a shelf for something and I bumped into something. I looked down and I had bumped into a midget. I asked him if he was okay. He said well I’m not happy. So I said then which one are you??

You should've captured him and forced him to grant wishes. Tongue

Don't let those gnomes and their illusions get you down. They're just gnomes and illusions.

--Jake the Dog, Adventure Time

Alouette, je te plumerai.
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25-09-2016, 06:34 PM
RE: Just jokes
A snail was crawling down the street when he was robbed by two turtles. The police came and asked the snail what they looked like. He said, "I don’t know it happened so fast!"
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25-09-2016, 06:40 PM
RE: Just jokes
A priest offered a nun a lift.

She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.

The priest nearly had an accident.

After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.

The nun said, ‘Father, remember Psalm 129?’

The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, ‘Father, remember Psalm 129?’

The priest apologized ‘Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.’

Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.

On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, ‘Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.’

Moral of the story:
If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.
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26-09-2016, 12:15 PM
RE: Just jokes
(25-09-2016 06:34 PM)Fireball Wrote:  A snail was crawling down the street when he was robbed by two turtles. The police came and asked the snail what they looked like. He said, "I don’t know it happened so fast!"

Along the same lines, what did the snail say after crawling up onto the turtle's back?

"Wheee!"
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06-10-2016, 07:32 AM
RE: Just jokes
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings.

The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.

When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor.

Before she says a word, Bob says, ‘I’ll give you $800 to drop that towel.’

After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.

The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.

When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, ‘Who was that?’

‘It was Bob the next door neighbor,’ she replies.

‘Great,’ the husband says, ‘did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?’

Moral of the story:

If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders, in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
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06-10-2016, 10:09 AM
RE: Just jokes
(06-10-2016 07:32 AM)Fireball Wrote:  A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings.

The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.

When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor.

Before she says a word, Bob says, ‘I’ll give you $800 to drop that towel.’

After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.

The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.

When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, ‘Who was that?’

‘It was Bob the next door neighbor,’ she replies.

‘Great,’ the husband says, ‘did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?’

Moral of the story:

If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders, in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.

Ethically, he still owes hubby $800.

Skepticism is not a position; it is an approach to claims.
Science is not a subject, but a method.
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06-10-2016, 11:15 AM
RE: Just jokes
(06-10-2016 10:09 AM)Chas Wrote:  
(06-10-2016 07:32 AM)Fireball Wrote:  A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings.

The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.

When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor.

Before she says a word, Bob says, ‘I’ll give you $800 to drop that towel.’

After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.

The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.

When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, ‘Who was that?’

‘It was Bob the next door neighbor,’ she replies.

‘Great,’ the husband says, ‘did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?’

Moral of the story:

If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders, in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.

Ethically, he still owes hubby $800.

Yes
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09-10-2016, 07:27 AM
RE: Just jokes
If you are holding a moth ball in each hand what do you have?

The undivided attention of a very large moth.

Tomorrow is precious, don't ruin it by fouling up today.
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