Just jokes
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28-04-2017, 10:04 AM
RE: Just jokes
I bought a pair of shoes from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day.
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05-05-2017, 05:45 PM
RE: Just jokes
An 85-year-old man had to do a sperm count for his physical exam. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, “Take this home and bring back a sample tomorrow.”

The next day, the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor’s office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.

The doctor asked what happened, and the man explained…

“Well, doc, it’s like this — first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help.

“She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing. We even called up Arleen, the lady next door, and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin’ it between her knees, but still nothing.”

The doctor was shocked. “You asked your neighbor? Good heavens!”

The old man replied, “Yep, none of us could get the jar open.”
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15-05-2017, 10:22 PM
RE: Just jokes
Just read that 4,153,237 people got married last year.

Not to cause any trouble, but shouldn’t that be an even number?
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16-05-2017, 03:05 AM
RE: Just jokes
(15-05-2017 10:22 PM)Fireball Wrote:  Just read that 4,153,237 people got married last year.

Not to cause any trouble, but shouldn’t that be an even number?

An odd number of people must have gotten married twice.

Big Grin
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16-05-2017, 05:30 AM
RE: Just jokes
(15-05-2017 10:22 PM)Fireball Wrote:  Just read that 4,153,237 people got married last year.

Not to cause any trouble, but shouldn’t that be an even number?

Not in Utah

Atheism: it's not just for communists any more!
America July 4 1776 - November 8 2016 RIP
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03-06-2017, 06:55 PM
RE: Just jokes
An elderly couple, both well into their 80’s, went to a relations therapist’s office.

The doctor asked, “What can I do for you?”

The man said, “Will you watch us have intercourse?”

The doctor raised both eyebrows, but he was so amazed that such an elderly couple was asking for advice that he agreed.

When the couple finished, the doctor said, “There’s absolutely nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse.”

He thanked them for coming, wished them good luck, charged them $50 and said good bye.

The next week, the same couple returned and asked the therapist to watch again. The therapist was a bit puzzled, but agreed.

This happened several weeks in a row. The couple would make an appointment, have intercourse with no problems, pay the doctor, then leave.

Finally, after three months of this routine, the doctor said, “I’m sorry, but I have to ask. Just what are you trying to find out?”

The man said, “We’re not trying to find out anything. She’s married; so we can’t go to her house. I’m married; and we can’t go to my house.

The Holiday Inn charges $98. The Hilton charges $139. We do it here for $50, and best of all….

“Medicare pays $43 of it!”
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20-06-2017, 08:38 PM
RE: Just jokes
A big game hunter went on a safari with his wife and mother-in-law.

One morning, while still deep in the jungle, the hunter’s wife awakened to find her mother gone. She woke her husband, and they both set off in search of the old woman.

In a clearing not far from the camp, they came upon a chilling sight. The mother-in-law was standing face-to-face with a lion.

“What are we going to do?” his horrified wife asked. “Nothing,” her husband replied, “The lion got himself into this mess, let him get himself out of it.”
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