Just like my name says I am lost and insecure
Post Reply
 
Thread Rating:
  • 0 Votes - 0 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
20-10-2013, 04:37 PM
RE: Just like my name says I am lost and insecure
(20-10-2013 02:17 PM)Ohio Sky Wrote:  Many people who started out as theists and ended up atheists had a lot of grey, questioning areas in between. What you're experiencing is normal and expected. If you think of it as the loss of a relationship (your relationship with God) you may well go through all of the stages of greif that anyone may go through after losing a loved one.

Great advice and very nice to know I am not alone. Thank you very much.

And thanks to everyone who responded. I am really glad I found this forum!
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 3 users Like Losty's post
26-10-2013, 04:02 AM (This post was last modified: 26-10-2013 04:17 AM by BlackMason.)
RE: Just like my name says I am lost and insecure
(20-10-2013 02:27 AM)LostandInsecure Wrote:  I was a broken woman on my knees begging god to save me. Tell me what to do, give me piece, show me the way, save me please god wont you save me. What I got back was a resounding silence. Absolutely nothing. There was no one to hear my prayers but myself.

You have also described what I went through. It was this that told me, "Dude wake the hell up. Ain't nobody gonna answer the voice messages you're leaving god". But boy did I try hard to ignore that.

I learned that if you tell people your story, they're not gonna understand. They're gonna say some crap like you must not have had enough faith. You were never really a "true" christian (this is the no true Scotsman logical fallacy). All this just amounts to is you just weren't delusional enough. Except they'll think YOU'RE the delusional one. Afterall how can god not exist? To keep your cool just remember they're not being intellectually honest with themselves. Some aren't bad people; Their minds have been compromised.

Some will say you endured that pain unnecessarily because god was clearly talking to you and you kept missing it. That's bullshit. Your conscious is YOU NOT god. Don't let them pass off god as your own thinking and thoughts when they claim he is an actual entity in his own right. You were pleading to god and expecting a clearly external response. Why would the master of the universe not give you a speedy, clearly intelligible message due to your precarious situation? I mean he invented communication so which cat possible had his tongue?

To put your mind at ease about being wrong consider this: A naturalistic hypothesis will always trump a supernatural hypothesis. This is because supernature is an unknown. So in trying to explain mystery x one can't claim supernature because it is mystery y. You now have two unknowns and you're claiming one is the cause/explanation of the other. Lets go back to school. Algebra 1. Life throws you an X+Y = 10 equation. If Y = nature (something we infact do understand) we can actually solve mystery X. We can then say Y = 8 therefore, X = 2. But making Y = supernature doesn't give us any answer at all. We actually need to know Y to solve X. Here's the cool part: God is a supernatural entity. God is a non-answer. WE DON'T NEED GOD!!!

Last year I wouldn't have been able to say all that. But I stuck my head in books and watched videos as suggested to you by some. I have no fear at all. Infact I'm reminded of the parable of the talents. You know, the one where the master leaves money to his slaves. He gets back and he congratulates the ones that were able to increase their money. He condemns the one who buried his single talent. To me it is the same with our brains. We humans are intelligent life forms. If I use my brain by applying reason and logic, how can god possible be angry at that? I used my talent (brain) and deserve reward!!! My talent led me to realise that ALL religion is crap. Calling upon faith is the burying of the talent. I WILL NOT BURY MINE!!!!

8000 years before Jesus, the Egyptian god Horus said, "I am the way, the truth, the life."
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 1 user Likes BlackMason's post
26-10-2013, 07:05 AM
RE: Just like my name says I am lost and insecure
I don't really know what advice I could offer in response to your abuse sanctioned by God. None, I guess. Obviously, I find it deplorable, but this is just something I don't know how to respond to other than to tell you you deserve much better, your children deserve much better, and you made the right choice by leaving his sorry ass.

If you are looking to drop god from your life all you need to do is examine the question logically. I'd recommend starting with arguments that refute the logical possibility of an omniscient, omnipotent god and work your way from there. Indoctrination is abuse too, and not easily dismissed or let go of. It sucks, but it something that you must deal with. It may take you weeks, months, or years to let go. Some people will struggle with this for the rest of their life. In any case, it takes time to heal.

Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
26-10-2013, 10:03 AM
RE: Just like my name says I am lost and insecure
Thank you to everyone who responded. Your thoughts and advice mean a lot to me. I am getting pretty good at this atheist thing LOL. I think my biggest issue was guilt. It's also really hard to let go of something that you spent soapy years on, because you have to admit that you were wasting your time. I'm glad I found this forum. You are all awesome!
Ps. I cannot believe I spelled peace wrong and no one told me. Jeesh

I have laughed, in bitterness and agony of heart, at the contrast between what I seem and what I am!
Nathaniel Hawthorne
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
27-10-2013, 10:25 AM (This post was last modified: 27-10-2013 11:10 AM by Can_of_Beans.)
RE: Just like my name says I am lost and insecure
Your experience reminds me of something that bothered me long before I considered leaving Christianity: Is physical abuse a Biblical reason for divorce?

My sense of morality said it was, I've sat through many sermons where the preacher said it was, but I don't know of any place where the Bible says it is (if I'm wrong, please feel free to point me to the correct verse). I've also heard pastors explain that the woman can (and should) physically leave the situation, but she still isn't allowed to divorce the abusive husband. This seems to be an effort to reduce the cognitive dissonance between what they know to be right and what the Bible actually states.

Now, I can clearly see that this is either an example of a supposedly omniscient and omnibenevolent God dropping the ball or, more likely, evidence that the Bible was written by men who lived during a time when women were considered to be little more than another form of livestock. So, I'm glad you got out.

I can definitely relate to what you're going through in the deconversion process. After a lifetime of indoctrination, it's had to loose the fear of hell. The book Why I Became and Atheist: A Former Preacher Rejects Christianity by John Loftus really helped me with my lingering doubts. I reached the conclusion that I wasn't a Christian on my own, but I still needed help to trust my own judgement. Maybe it will help you too.

And I told him "that's crazy..." Unsure
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 1 user Likes Can_of_Beans's post
27-10-2013, 10:33 AM
RE: Just like my name says I am lost and insecure
I am pretty sure adultery is the only biblically acceptable reason for divorce. Most churches now teach otherwise, and so many Christians will write this (along with other hideous parts of the bible) off as a way of protecting women in a time period and culture that we don't understand.

I have laughed, in bitterness and agony of heart, at the contrast between what I seem and what I am!
Nathaniel Hawthorne
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
27-10-2013, 12:19 PM
RE: Just like my name says I am lost and insecure
The locals here preach divorce is only acceptable in case of adultery, but remarriage is prohibited regardless of the reason why. By their reckoning even when you get legally divorced you are still married in the 'eyes of God'. Therefore, if you remarry you are committing adultery in the 'eyes of God'.

Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
27-10-2013, 01:19 PM
RE: Just like my name says I am lost and insecure
(27-10-2013 12:19 PM)Dark Light Wrote:  The locals here preach divorce is only acceptable in case of adultery, but remarriage is prohibited regardless of the reason why. By their reckoning even when you get legally divorced you are still married in the 'eyes of God'. Therefore, if you remarry you are committing adultery in the 'eyes of God'.

That sounds like my mother's logic. Where do you live?
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
27-10-2013, 09:15 PM
RE: Just like my name says I am lost and insecure
(27-10-2013 01:19 PM)LostandInsecure Wrote:  
(27-10-2013 12:19 PM)Dark Light Wrote:  The locals here preach divorce is only acceptable in case of adultery, but remarriage is prohibited regardless of the reason why. By their reckoning even when you get legally divorced you are still married in the 'eyes of God'. Therefore, if you remarry you are committing adultery in the 'eyes of God'.

That sounds like my mother's logic. Where do you live?

Tennessee

Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 1 user Likes Dark Light's post
28-10-2013, 12:09 PM
RE: Just like my name says I am lost and insecure
(20-10-2013 02:27 AM)LostandInsecure Wrote:  Let me give a little background information before I get into questions that many here may find ridiculous.
I guess a brief history of my childhood religion. I started out in a strictly conservative baptist church. When I was in the fourth grade my mother decided to introduce a friend of hers to the church. Her friend was a single mother who was known for dating. I don't know the exact rumors that must have gone around or exactly what happened that day, but I remember when we leave church my mother's friend was in tears. I also remember the following Wednesday sitting on a bench outside a church office while my parents had some sort of meeting. When we left church that night we never went back there. We had a family meeting that night and my parents have a long speech about how the rules in the bible were very important and to be a good person we must follow those rules, but a church should be a safe place for everyone. Anyone who wishes to repent their sins should be accepted into church blah blah sorry I'm rambling. So we switched to First United Methodist Church after that. In the church there was a lot more love and a lot less fire and brimstone. In our home it was still mostly fire and brimstone. I am including this because I truly believe my Christian upbringing had a lot to do with where I ended up next, and at the same time switching churches I think had something to do with where I am now. So I learned at a young age that women were supposed to be subservient to men. I was also taught by my mother that divorce is only acceptable if the woman commits adultery. It is okay for a man to beat his wife into submission because he loves her and wants to make her a more "godly" woman. It is not okay for a man to commit adultery but if he does it is usually his wife's fault for some reason that was never explained to me, and so she should forgive him and try to be better so it doesn't happen again. So there's my childhood. I'm sorry if this is probably to long.
I secretly struggled a lot with my identity as Christian and a woman as a teenager, but I ultimately married a 25 year old devout Catholic when I was 17 anyways. I was in a severely abusive relationship physically, emotionally, and sexually for six years. I generally blamed my problems on the fact that though I believed, I wasn't an uber religious person and I still had all these secret doubts about Christianity. I knew if I could just be a better Christian things would change. I knew I had no right to blame my husband for my own failures as a Christian, a wife, and a woman. As the years went by an the abuse progressed into unmentionable unthinkable things my doubts grew more and more. With the growth of my doubts came fear and self-hatred. No wonder my life was so bad, I was a terrible Christian and a bad person! Even though I was secretly questioning my faith I still knew in the back of my mind that it was all real. I still believed that god would save me. I always told myself god will never give me anything I cannot handle and if I am ever truly broken he will save me. Well fast forward to the last few months of my marriage. My husband's friend had moved in, I was 9 months pregnant with some semi serious complications. (My doctor kept telling me I really needed to get my stress levels down HA). By this time my husband was fearless in his abuse. He would openly abuse me in front of our children and our house guest and one very terrifying night after his friend dragged him off of me and convinced him to go for a drive, I was alone in my room. I was completely shattered. In those moments my world fell apart. I was a broken woman on my knees begging god to save me. Tell me what to do, give me piece, show me the way, save me please god wont you save me. What I got back was a resounding silence. Absolutely nothing. There was no one to hear my prayers but myself. My divorce followed shortly afterward. I moved over 800 miles away from my now ex-husband. I started studying the bible, and I mean actually reading it. I was disgusted by what I found. Horrified.
I wish I could just jump out now and say woohoo I am now an Atheist, I win, go me! But I cannot. For whatever reason it is just not that easy for me. I don't know if anyone else can understand where I am coming from. I want to be an Atheist and want to say it is all lies, but there is still that part of me that believes. I am having a hard time letting go of my belief in god, although I certainly feel plenty of dislike for him. I feel like I am stuck with a choice of either living my life in my own self inflicted hell serving a god who hates women, or being faced with the possibility of burning for an eternity in an actual hell. I don't believe that god is good. After everything I have been through and everything I have learned from reading the bible, I am left with a hateful cruel god who wishes his followers (especially the women) to suffer in order to prove their loyalty to him. But if he is god then does it matter if he is actually good or not am I not expected til ive for him even though he seems wrong. For who am I but a woman to question him?
Ok so maybe all that last part just sounds like silliness (if you have made it this far). How do I let go of god. How do I convince myself that he is not real? How can I be free?
**I know this was really long, I'm sorry, but if you got through the whole thing and you have any sort of advice for me I would really appreciate it. If you think I might be a little (or maybe a lot) crazy, don't feel bad. Most days I think so too.

First of all, let me tell you your story is heartbreaking to say the least. No one should have to go through that.

Next, I very recently joined this forum and made a thread similar to yours, in regards to my issues separating myself from religion.

Its a long story, but I've had alot of great answers from very supportive members here. I too was torn between going through my life TRYING to believe in god so I wouldn't go to hell, or dropping the religion I no longer believed in and convincing myself I wouldn't go to hell. Its tough, because it is a fear that is engrained and pounded into Christians, especially those of us who were in it from childhood.

Assuming there's no laws against sharing your own threads, I would encourage you to read some of the responses I have gotten in my thread, however, I will warn you there is one VERY angry Catholic, who made a few posts that do nothing but convince me I'm making the right decision.

The thread is here http://www.thethinkingatheist.com/forum/...conversion

And welcome to the forum too, I hope you find as much help and comfort as I have.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 1 user Likes Jasozz's post
Post Reply
Forum Jump: