Just need to vent...
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08-08-2015, 11:16 AM (This post was last modified: 08-08-2015 02:35 PM by Rkane819.)
Just need to vent...
I've posted a handful of times on here about my wife's recent baptism and recommittment to Christianity and each time I get great advice and words of encouragement, so thank you all for that. It's been 3 months since her baptism and most days are good now but today isn't one of them. She doesn't preach at me or anything but because we don't go in depth on this topic sometimes I learn things on accident about how deeply committed she is now. Earlier today I went to get the mail and when sorting through it there was a large envelope from a ministry called Gospel for Asia. A quick google search showed many negative things about what they do with their money and they've been accused of misappropriating funds in the past. Their main stated mission is to bring the word to the unevangelized in Asia.

I want to ask her what her involvement with them is but each time I initiate a discussion on religion she tends to view it as an attack and will shut down and dig her feet in further. So I'm scared to mention it and then it turns into a circle of crazy scenarios going on in my head. Usually I work through it and realize my situation isn't dire, we have our health and are financially stable so maybe I'm just being a big baby. But it does bug me that I can't walk from the bedroom to the garage without seeing a bible, jesus calling devotional and an apologetics book or two and now checking the mail is dangerous as well.

If any of you are married to a theist what are your thoughts on this situation? Does it get better? Are you just numb to seeing bibles/apologetics books around the house? Do you have many open discussions about beliefs?
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08-08-2015, 11:34 AM
RE: Just need to vent...
I'm (not legally but effectively) married to a Christian, but fortunately she's not the crazy type, since she's a genetics lab tech with a biology degree, knows even more about DNA-related evolutionary biology than I do (and that's saying something), is willing to laugh at the inconsistencies in her faith-tradition, and doesn't push it on anyone.

You're in dire straits, my friend, if your wife is heading down the fundamentalist path. Tread very cautiously. Watch a lot of science-related videos on your home TV, perhaps, but be very careful not to counter-evangelize, as part of her newfound indoctrination includes reactive defense-mechanisms for those who try to "attack" the newly-faithful. It's all emotion and not logic. You cannot win via that route.

Luckily, it's entirely possible that, once her "romance" with the new faith wears off (typical time is 4 years, I'm afraid), that she'll start to look around and see some of the inconsistencies they are teaching her. Just remain a stable rock and make sure she knows you love her as much as ever. It is especially important that she not see you as morally inferior to her new "friends" in the faith-community, so I'd go out of my way to romance her and make sure she sees that your moral choices are of unquestionable quality. You're going to have to be a better man than all the Christians she knows... luckily, I don't consider that much of a challenge. Smile

"Theology made no provision for evolution. The biblical authors had missed the most important revelation of all! Could it be that they were not really privy to the thoughts of God?" - E. O. Wilson
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08-08-2015, 11:38 AM
RE: Just need to vent...
I think you might blow off the small things but I don't think you should entirely clam up.

Ask her to share her beliefs and how she feels about them. Let her know you are interested in her and since her feelings are certainly an important part of her, you want to be sensitive to that.

Keep the lines of communication open for you both - it's a partnership. Shy

A new type of thinking is essential if mankind is to survive and move to higher levels. ~ Albert Einstein
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08-08-2015, 12:26 PM (This post was last modified: 08-08-2015 12:29 PM by HappyTiger.)
RE: Just need to vent...
I'm sure many of these guys have valuable and relatable advices to share; I have nothing to share, but I am here for support and solidarity. Take care, friend.

“[Science] works! Planes fly. Cars drive. Computers compute. If you base medicine on science, you cure people. If you base the design of planes on science, they fly. If you base the design of rockets on science, they reach the moon. It works...bitches.” - Richie D Da Illest
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08-08-2015, 05:18 PM (This post was last modified: 08-08-2015 07:53 PM by Rkane819.)
RE: Just need to vent...
Rocketsurgeon: you hit the nail on the head. It's all emotion not logic. I'd love to point out the irony of supporting ministries that spread the gospel when she has just finished reading the first gospel, Matthew herself. I'm biding my time until she makes it into Romans and you start to see the anti gay and misogynistic stuff. We actually had our lesbian neighbors over for dinner last night, whom she's good friends with and supports the scotus decision. I'll be curious to see how she reacts to the more interesting parts of the New Testament.
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08-08-2015, 06:36 PM
RE: Just need to vent...
Why are you still married to her?

NOTE: Member, Tomasia uses this site to slander other individuals. He then later proclaims it a joke, but not in public.
I will call him a liar and a dog here and now.
Banjo.
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08-08-2015, 06:53 PM
RE: Just need to vent...
Oh be nice, Banjo. If we got divorced every time our spouses made a stupid decision, there'd be no surviving marriages!

I suspect Rkane is right about his wife's reaction to the teachings of the Bible, once she actually reads it and her "honeymoon phase" emotions toward the society that's telling her the Bible is a moral guide cease to shield her from grasping what the teachings within really mean. Whether he maintains his sanity while he engages in that many months/years of patience is another question! Laugh out load

"Theology made no provision for evolution. The biblical authors had missed the most important revelation of all! Could it be that they were not really privy to the thoughts of God?" - E. O. Wilson
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08-08-2015, 06:53 PM (This post was last modified: 08-08-2015 07:02 PM by Rkane819.)
RE: Just need to vent...
I love her and I can write a book on all the wonderful things she does for our son, myself, extended family and the community. She's warm, loving and compassionate. If I was writing on a general relationship thread I would have nothing but fantastic things to say but as most of us know, religion and belief is a different animal and it can take on a life of its own if left unchecked or handled without finesse. I'm on here taking advantage of the experience of others in similar situations because I'm determined to explore every avenue to keep my family together. If I didn't care that much I wouldn't be on here.
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08-08-2015, 06:56 PM
RE: Just need to vent...
Fair enough. I never actually married because I thought it best not to.

NOTE: Member, Tomasia uses this site to slander other individuals. He then later proclaims it a joke, but not in public.
I will call him a liar and a dog here and now.
Banjo.
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08-08-2015, 07:53 PM
RE: Just need to vent...
Rkane - I'm so happy to hear that. You sound like a hell of a man. She's lucky to have you.

Like I said, just focus on making sure you're a better man in every way than any of her fake-moralist friends, and on showing her how much you love her no matter what. Then spend a lot of time countering every "dropped" pamphlet from the Other Side with some Sagan books, and watch a lot of pro-science videos on the main house TV.

I know it's a fine line to walk, and you must be very careful in your phrasing, but be equally careful never to lie to your son about your nature. My son turns 9 on September 1st... how old is yours?

"Theology made no provision for evolution. The biblical authors had missed the most important revelation of all! Could it be that they were not really privy to the thoughts of God?" - E. O. Wilson
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