Just throwing it out there...
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26-03-2017, 02:31 PM (This post was last modified: 26-03-2017 02:36 PM by IgniteThought.)
Just throwing it out there...
First of all, I'd like to thank everyone for always being so receptive and reactive to my mind's discharges. This is a very useful venting platform for me as it is to a lot of you as well.

Today I want to talk about feeling like a failure or not achieving goals when you thought you would.

When I was a kid, I had dreams of being involved creatively in cool shows and movies. I've always loved television and my favorite shows inspired me to fill whole notebooks of my own ideas. I even made it my major in college, but sadly, that hasn't become a reality and it's haunting me.

I thought I had a special talent, that my mind was unique, and that I was bound for success. But as my college years ended, I had but a shortlist of accomplishments to support that belief. And as I looked to others in my age group, that list seemed even less significant.

I'm sure it's happened to many of you when you obsess about something it's like it's everywhere; even in the things you try to distract yourself with. I see shows with successful and ambitious people in them and I compare myself to them. In comparison, I'm nothing. I am no one. I don't have their ambition. Their will to run over anyone and anything in their path. Their selfishness. Their overconfidence, and their will to succeed at all costs.

Me? I like a simple existence. I dont like to complicate things. I'm introverted, I hate conflict with others, and the unfamiliar scares me to death. For that very reason, I feel like I've squandered many opportunities. I can't stop beating myself up for it, and wondering what I would have been. I look at people who have made themselves great out of nothing, and I ask myself: why couldn't I have done that? Why am I so afraid of everything?

In every direction I lean to there are monsters down the road. I keep hoping for a day in the future when some unexpected event will make them vanish, and I'll succeed at something.

I'm in my late twenties which, according to some studies, are the worst years of your life. Dreams crash against a cruel reality. You think your youth/life will be over when you hit 30, and you feel like you are in a race against time to do something with your life and feel accomplished.

But as one article reads:

[Regardless of the cause, the quarter-life crisis often spans several years and includes four typical stages. It starts with a feeling of being locked in to a commitment at work or at home: people take on jobs, rent apartments, and enter relationships, but then feel trapped in pretend adulthood. Then, at some point, they leave their romantic partners, jobs, or social groups and become separated and lonely. They spend the worst part of this crisis reflecting and recalibrating their plans, alone and isolated, until eventually they go out and explore new hobbies, interests, and social groups, finally emerging at the other side of the crisis happier, more motivated, and with a greater sense of clarity. This process can last for years, or repeat itself. It is a painful process, but it is also a tremendous growth opportunity, as it can create individuals who go on to lead more meaningful and happier lives.]

This gives me hope and makes me feel like I'm not alone. I'm not the only late-twenties dude who feels like he's turning his back on his childhood dreams and is falling short in every facet of his life. I still have time to do something noteworthy with my time on Earth. I just have to hope one day I'll find that spark. For the time being, I'll just have to rejoice in all my accomplishments, however small, and live one day at a time.

Thoughts?
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26-03-2017, 02:58 PM
RE: Just throwing it out there...
I can relate on feeling like a failure. I went to college, changed majors 3-4 times, haven't finished and probably won't, took an EMT course and decided not to finish (not for me), and right now I work retail and live at home.

I've completed no major art projects in 3 years.

I've done nothing substantial for 6.

Meanwhile all of my siblings, even the younger ones, have more or less gone independant and are secure in life.

So yeah...not too proud of myself. But, reality is, I set myself up for failure. I kept trying things that weren't 'me' but would've paid well. By the time I figured out what I kinda wanted to do, I lost all motivation. So my life has stagnated the last few years.

I don't have any ambitious plans right now, but I am trying to rekindle my love for art. It's something.

Ignorance is not to be ignored.

Check out my DA gallery! http://oo-kiri-oo.deviantart.com/gallery/
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26-03-2017, 03:00 PM
RE: Just throwing it out there...
If somebody from the future showed up when you're in your 20's and told you what you'll be doing in your 60's, you'd think they were a mental case.

Not because they claimed they were from the future. You might even believe that part.

You'd be POSITIVE that you'd never end up like "that" - whatever "that" might be.

.......................................

The difference between prayer and masturbation - is when a guy is through masturbating - he has something to show for his efforts.
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26-03-2017, 04:19 PM
RE: Just throwing it out there...
As you age, you keep shedding old desires and developing new ones. You change, your environment changes, your goals change.

Like the biker says too, you will be very different in your older years than you can even imagine now.

It's called growth, you have growing pains. We hate change, but it is inevitable and everyone goes through it. Your goal posts are changing.

[Image: dobie.png]Science is the process we've designed to be responsible for generating our best guess as to what the fuck is going on. Girly Man
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26-03-2017, 04:32 PM
RE: Just throwing it out there...
(26-03-2017 04:19 PM)Dom Wrote:  As you age, you keep shedding old desires and developing new ones. You change, your environment changes, your goals change.

Yup. It's good to be ambitious when you're young, but ambitions change as you age to where first you just want to earn your keep, then you just want to do something useful, then you just don't want to be a burden, then you just want to be or not be. Relax, just go with it.

“Nothing is so common-place as to wish to be remarkable.” - O.W. Holmes

#sigh
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26-03-2017, 05:13 PM
RE: Just throwing it out there...
As much as you can: enjoy that infinite thing where you can always dive deeper.

I understand that feeling of not achieving the goals you've set. When I was 15 years old and thought I was a great clarinet player, I expected to be sitting in the Boston Symphony or the Chicago Symphony shortly after graduating college. Deluded! Now I live in Boston, and I have friends in the Boston Symphony--and they are just a different order of good than me. I play with them sometimes and can hear the difference. (I'm pretty good, just not as good as they are. I'm good enough to sub, but not to own the chair.)

When I started writing--I have two areas of artistic inferiority--I wanted to be that combo of successful and critically acclaimed. I have quite a few friends who are "real" writers. My freshman college roommate: NY Times bestseller list. My photocopy buddy from my MFA days: NY Times bestseller plus a couple of movies based on his books.

Compared to people with real talent, I suck. Or, to put it more kindly, I operate in the second or third tier. But I love playing music and writing, and I keep getting better than I used to be because I can't stop diving.

All of that said, if you're not feeling in love with your art, there's absolutely nothing wrong with taking that energy and putting it into something else.
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26-03-2017, 05:57 PM
RE: Just throwing it out there...
(26-03-2017 05:13 PM)julep Wrote:  As much as you can: enjoy that infinite thing where you can always dive deeper.

I understand that feeling of not achieving the goals you've set. When I was 15 years old and thought I was a great clarinet player, I expected to be sitting in the Boston Symphony or the Chicago Symphony shortly after graduating college. Deluded! Now I live in Boston, and I have friends in the Boston Symphony--and they are just a different order of good than me. I play with them sometimes and can hear the difference. (I'm pretty good, just not as good as they are. I'm good enough to sub, but not to own the chair.)

When I started writing--I have two areas of artistic inferiority--I wanted to be that combo of successful and critically acclaimed. I have quite a few friends who are "real" writers. My freshman college roommate: NY Times bestseller list. My photocopy buddy from my MFA days: NY Times bestseller plus a couple of movies based on his books.

Compared to people with real talent, I suck. Or, to put it more kindly, I operate in the second or third tier. But I love playing music and writing, and I keep getting better than I used to be because I can't stop diving.

All of that said, if you're not feeling in love with your art, there's absolutely nothing wrong with taking that energy and putting it into something else.

Right! I wish I was as persistent as you. I get frustrated when I write something and the words just aren't there and it's not as good as what I read from others. I feel like I'm failing and I stress about it to the point where I just want to stop. I was developing a novel, but right now I'm not working on it. I frequently I think about it and try to solve problems I find with it, but I never seem to want to sit down and actually write. It stresses me out. I perceive it like a chore I want to keep postponing.

I just like to be creative, I consider myself very creative, but I'm terrible at finding things that truly inspire me. In my previous job working at an university, I wrote and directed their TV spot, and I was so happy and proud of how it turned out. It was just 30 secs long, we didn't have money, but the results were pretty good. I also developed their insignia/logo, which is now adorning the floor of their library. It was a part-time gig, but I turned it into what I consider to be two of my life's biggest accomplishments. Right there with graduating college and perfecting a second language. I ought to focus on that rather than fixiating on what I didn't do or what I've failed at.

I hope one day I'll find a source of inspiration that will not run out.
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26-03-2017, 06:21 PM
RE: Just throwing it out there...
Are you writing fiction or non-fiction?

Don’t be too hard on yourself, if you keep your eyes and ears open the story will find you and not the other way around. Thumbsup

“I am quite sure now that often, very often, in matters concerning religion and politics a man’s reasoning powers are not above the monkey’s.”~Mark Twain
“Ocean: A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man - who has no gills.”~ Ambrose Bierce
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26-03-2017, 06:32 PM
RE: Just throwing it out there...
(26-03-2017 03:00 PM)onlinebiker Wrote:  If somebody from the future showed up when you're in your 20's and told you what you'll be doing in your 60's, you'd think they were a mental case.

Not because they claimed they were from the future. You might even believe that part.

You'd be POSITIVE that you'd never end up like "that" - whatever "that" might be.

That's an interesting idea, but it's also kind of scary. You can end up as something you're younger self would be proud of, but also as something he'd be horrified by.

There are some things about myself I really hope my older self will rid himself off. Like being afraid of the unfamiliar, not stepping up when stepped on, my fear of rejection and what others think. I'd like to have the courage to do something when I know I'll look stupid doing it, but I don't care because it's fun.
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26-03-2017, 06:39 PM
RE: Just throwing it out there...
(26-03-2017 05:57 PM)IgniteThought Wrote:  
(26-03-2017 05:13 PM)julep Wrote:  As much as you can: enjoy that infinite thing where you can always dive deeper.

I understand that feeling of not achieving the goals you've set. When I was 15 years old and thought I was a great clarinet player, I expected to be sitting in the Boston Symphony or the Chicago Symphony shortly after graduating college. Deluded! Now I live in Boston, and I have friends in the Boston Symphony--and they are just a different order of good than me. I play with them sometimes and can hear the difference. (I'm pretty good, just not as good as they are. I'm good enough to sub, but not to own the chair.)

When I started writing--I have two areas of artistic inferiority--I wanted to be that combo of successful and critically acclaimed. I have quite a few friends who are "real" writers. My freshman college roommate: NY Times bestseller list. My photocopy buddy from my MFA days: NY Times bestseller plus a couple of movies based on his books.

Compared to people with real talent, I suck. Or, to put it more kindly, I operate in the second or third tier. But I love playing music and writing, and I keep getting better than I used to be because I can't stop diving.

All of that said, if you're not feeling in love with your art, there's absolutely nothing wrong with taking that energy and putting it into something else.

Right! I wish I was as persistent as you. I get frustrated when I write something and the words just aren't there and it's not as good as what I read from others. I feel like I'm failing and I stress about it to the point where I just want to stop. I was developing a novel, but right now I'm not working on it. I frequently I think about it and try to solve problems I find with it, but I never seem to want to sit down and actually write. It stresses me out. I perceive it like a chore I want to keep postponing.

I just like to be creative, I consider myself very creative, but I'm terrible at finding things that truly inspire me. In my previous job working at an university, I wrote and directed their TV spot, and I was so happy and proud of how it turned out. It was just 30 secs long, we didn't have money, but the results were pretty good. I also developed their insignia/logo, which is now adorning the floor of their library. It was a part-time gig, but I turned it into what I consider to be two of my life's biggest accomplishments. Right there with graduating college and perfecting a second language. I ought to focus on that rather than fixiating on what I didn't do or what I've failed at.

I hope one day I'll find a source of inspiration that will not run out.

I understand. Wouldn't that be awesome? Part of the inspiration is in the tapping in. I wish the very best of luck to you and whatever inspiration sources you find. This may be a little anti-antitheist of me, but I'm always hoping that others are going to find that internal peace that's so seductive--althoough not necessarily persuasive--to me.
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