Just venting
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12-06-2014, 02:42 PM
Music Just venting
Funny thing, my parents were more upset at me refusing to go to church one day than me telling them I'm an atheist.....I personally think they're in denial; thinking this is just a phase and if I continue to go to church it'll just wear off. I have no idea how they feel about my atheism. I almost wish they would tell me what they think right to my face so I could just know. This silence is killing me. Weeping

On top of that, I'm suicidal, lonely and considering running away from home (although technically it's not running away since I'm 18). Becoming an atheist and struggling with suicide at the same time is not easy. I wish I was still religious because then I wouldn't be suicidal. But now that I know I have nothing to fear from death, I know I can just die anytime I want...and I don't trust myself with that knowledge.

I'm planning on telling my two best friends (traditional catholic and protestant) that I'm an atheist. But I don't know how they'll react. I don't want anymore silence. I'm a curious person and I want to know what people think.

On a lighter note, I have one friend who is sort of acting like a psychiatrist to me. He knows I'm an atheist and is perfectly fine with it even though he's catholic and very religious (we're talking daily mass and the rosary everyday!).

I guess I just need somebody to talk to...or to listen...or to relate. Does anyone else experience this silence? The denial? The "going to church because it's a family thing"?
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12-06-2014, 04:34 PM
RE: Just venting
Be happy they are not bombarding you with arguments for god.

Also, let them soak in what you told them. They have been indoctrinated for a lot more years than you have been alive. It takes time for new thoughts to penetrate all of that.

Christians commit suicide all the time, it doesn't have anything to do with being atheist.

Maybe it is time you "ran away from home". If you think you are suicidal, a big change is what you need.

[Image: dobie.png]Science is the process we've designed to be responsible for generating our best guess as to what the fuck is going on. Girly Man
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12-06-2014, 04:54 PM
RE: Just venting
I've been in church willingly after becoming an atheist. It was to remember my grandfather's death (he died before I met him, but my mom did meet him and liked him very much). I felt disgusted, having to chant and whatever. I told her I wouldn't go with her the next year.
I've been to church when my aunt's father died. I went out of respect for my aunt and was sort of tolerating it, until I heard this from the priest:
"Atheists have no hope, but we do."
At that point, if the exit hadn't been blocked by other people, I would have left immediately.
Another time I was in a church was also when a person died. This time it was my grandmother's brother. Almost everyone cried, the priest did the usual "He's with god now" spiel, then it was over, but people still wanted some more time with the deceased. I left to get some air and heard this line from the priest, who was on the phone:
"I thought that would never end. Those people would not shut up."
This last story was several years ago (it's the second oldest one of the three), so the words might not be right, but the message is the same.

My advice to you is don't go to church unless your parents threaten you with kicking you out of the house or whatever. Don't run away either. You won't like what happens. I've never met anyone IRL who ran away from home and ended up with a good or even acceptable life. If you feel like committing suicide, there are places where you can vent. You can vent here, in a thread, or you can do it in private with a member of your choosing.
I have struggled with suicidal thoughts myself, but my advice on that may only make you feel worse. I still have them, but I dismiss them immediately as nothing more than "background noise" - random thoughts that pop into my head. They are of no import to me.

Whatever you decide, good luck.

The truth is absolute. Life forms are specks of specks (...) of specks of dust in the universe.
Why settle for normal, when you can be so much more? Why settle for something, when you can have everything?
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13-06-2014, 12:00 PM
RE: Just venting
I definitely feel for you, OP. I went through my deconversion during a time when I was dealing with some serious anxiety and depression, and I too had suicidal thoughts.

The thing you've gotta remember though, is that you're 18.

I want you to think about the most beautiful painting you can imagine.

The largest canvas you can envision, with amazing color, inspired strokes, and profound imagery spread from corner to corner of this canvas.

This canvas is your life. All of it, beginning to end. The people you will meet, the things you will do, the things you will accomplish, the friends you will make, those that will love you, and all of the experiences you will have.

Imagine somewhere on that canvas is a little dark blot, a small blemish, but a nasty one nonetheless. If you get really close and look it at, its ugly, but when you stand back, its really not so bad. Hardly noticeable, actually.

This is your life, man. You have got to take a step back and look at the big picture. Yes, things are tough now. I'm not trying to say they're magically going to get better now. But they will. You've got a new lease on life of being openminded, not being constrained by the teachings of a hateful old-fashioned establishment, and all you have to do is branch out and find people who share your beliefs and who love you for you.

An unfortunate lesson that many of us on this site (at least myself) have had to learn is that if someone can't accept you for who you are, its time to cut them loose. And the shitty part is that this sometimes involves family.

Maybe you don't have the money or means to be independent or move out of your situation, but that's, what, a year away? Two years? Maybe an inch or two around this nasty blot on your canvas.

You've got so much shit left to do in this awesome world, and you don't have to spend any time giving a damn what some perverted sky-daddy thinks about what you do.

Its gonna be tough, and there's gonna be alot of changes, but believe me it gets better. WAY BETTER. I remember just last year being at the point where I thought my life would never be good again, that I'd be stuck wallowing in anxiety and depression, but not even a year later and I'm happier than I have ever been. Ever.

So don't give up, buddy. Keep your chin up, tell the haters to fuck themselves, and think about all the awesome stuff you can do with your life now, and whenever you feel overwhelmed, just take a step back from your life, and look at it in the big picture. There's more to life than the now, and you'll get there soon.

Best of luck! Thumbsup
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14-06-2014, 05:13 PM (This post was last modified: 15-06-2014 07:30 AM by therealJim.)
RE: Just venting
(13-06-2014 12:00 PM)Jasozz Wrote:  I definitely feel for you, OP. I went through my deconversion during a time when I was dealing with some serious anxiety and depression, and I too had suicidal thoughts.

The thing you've gotta remember though, is that you're 18.

I want you to think about the most beautiful painting you can imagine.

The largest canvas you can envision, with amazing color, inspired strokes, and profound imagery spread from corner to corner of this canvas.

This canvas is your life. All of it, beginning to end. The people you will meet, the things you will do, the things you will accomplish, the friends you will make, those that will love you, and all of the experiences you will have.

Imagine somewhere on that canvas is a little dark blot, a small blemish, but a nasty one nonetheless. If you get really close and look it at, its ugly, but when you stand back, its really not so bad. Hardly noticeable, actually.

This is your life, man. You have got to take a step back and look at the big picture. Yes, things are tough now. I'm not trying to say they're magically going to get better now. But they will. You've got a new lease on life of being openminded, not being constrained by the teachings of a hateful old-fashioned establishment, and all you have to do is branch out and find people who share your beliefs and who love you for you.

An unfortunate lesson that many of us on this site (at least myself) have had to learn is that if someone can't accept you for who you are, its time to cut them loose. And the shitty part is that this sometimes involves family.

Maybe you don't have the money or means to be independent or move out of your situation, but that's, what, a year away? Two years? Maybe an inch or two around this nasty blot on your canvas.

You've got so much shit left to do in this awesome world, and you don't have to spend any time giving a damn what some perverted sky-daddy thinks about what you do.

Its gonna be tough, and there's gonna be alot of changes, but believe me it gets better. WAY BETTER. I remember just last year being at the point where I thought my life would never be good again, that I'd be stuck wallowing in anxiety and depression, but not even a year later and I'm happier than I have ever been. Ever.

So don't give up, buddy. Keep your chin up, tell the haters to fuck themselves, and think about all the awesome stuff you can do with your life now, and whenever you feel overwhelmed, just take a step back from your life, and look at it in the big picture. There's more to life than the now, and you'll get there soon.

Best of luck! Thumbsup

^^ This.

Here is a little help to see the big picture of things. As you look at it, try to imagine how many of us are out there to fill those planes and ships.
You may feel surrounded in your daily life by those who don't understand. But there are many great people out there. Some of them are here, many times more outside.

People who can inspire, entertain, enlighten, comfort, strenghten you. Who will show you your very own dignity and beauty as a human being.

All it takes, is going out looking for them while spreading honest words and gestures of kindness, i.e. sincere compliments given without any expectations Yes.

Will there be hard times? Yes. Will there be moments when you feel down? Yes. However in my experience those times are a price I pay gladly for the joy, the pleasure of understanding, and the awe-inspiring elegancy of nature.

So as an atheist, try to take it in. Because you have everything to live for. More than any theist ever will.

And if you need an open ear, let us know. We are here, and we will be there for you if you need us. We are here and we stay here.

Good luck, and please share what you learn with us. To me that is perhaps the best way to spread the value of life.

"Newton's third law: The only way humans have ever figured out of getting somewhere is to leave something behind." - TARS, Interstellar
"Newtons drittes Gesetz: Der einzige Weg wie Menschen irgendwo hin kommen, ist der dass sie etwas zur├╝cklassen." - TARS, Interstellar
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