Just words, but they can wound deeply
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01-03-2016, 11:07 PM
Just words, but they can wound deeply
It has been several years since I let my parents and immediate family members know that I am an atheist. Initially they were all supportive, but as the years passed us by, and it became clear that I would never be returning to their cherished beliefs...well things got a bit more tense.

Eventually, though they were outwardly civil, some members of my family revealed a deep and bitter anger towards me for my disbelief. Conversations that revealed these feelings were sometimes heated, and other times they were less so. Every once in a while though those conversations had such a bitter sting to them that I have been unable to shake the hurt of them. Even though years have passed since those conversations took place, they still haunt me and thinking of them still brings the hurt back.

One in particular which stung me particularly deeply may sound familiar to some of you. During one conversation with my mother she let me know that she thought that the reason I could disbelieve in God was because my life had simply been too easy. She then went on to tell me that she was praying that God would humble me. My own mother was basically trying her best to cast a curse on my life...albeit in a Christian way. Not to mention the fact that she had trivialized all the hardships that my life had thrown at me. To make it worse, she said it in a venomous voice dripping with malice. I told her that I did not appreciate her telling me that all of my times of heartache were insignificant, and I would not stand for that kind of judgment and that if she could not keep herself from thinking such things at least she would need to keep herself from voicing them. She then asked me what I thought was so hard in my past, and it struck me that she was basically asking me to reduce the pain in my own life into a pissing contest to see who had the biggest pain. I told her that I was not going to participate in that. It just really hurt to know that she wished me to experience such soul wrenching anguish that It would force me to abandon reason. I also choose not to list them here either. They are my pain and I do not wish to share them at this point.

I have forgiven my mother for this conversation, and she has promised not to repeat such awful sentiments in the future, but that doesn't
Make the hurt go away. There is still a knowledge at the back of my mind that she harbors something akin to hatred towards me as a result of my deconversion. I take comfort in the knowledge that at least she is conflicted about her negative feelings. Part of her still loves me enough that she is willing to pretend that the (maybe hatred is the wrong word) strong negative feelings are not there. But I saw them and they were real and I can not go back to having not seen them.

I just wanted to share this. Thank you for providing a place to vent. I love you all, and I want to give everyone here an internet hug.
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01-03-2016, 11:10 PM
RE: Just words, but they can wound deeply
Welcome.

Yes, I've been there.

Hug


But as if to knock me down, reality came around
And without so much as a mere touch, cut me into little pieces

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01-03-2016, 11:17 PM
RE: Just words, but they can wound deeply
Thanks for the hug.
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01-03-2016, 11:18 PM
RE: Just words, but they can wound deeply
You sound rather young to me. No ?
I suspect, more than likely, some day you will be grateful for everything .. exactly the way it happened. You stood up for yourself, ... something many people are not able to do. Pulling away from your parent's beliefs, (if they are different) can be very difficult.
I would suggest that you may wish to start thinking of this whole process, in a positive way. It is quite amazing you were able to be yourself, under those circumstances. Many people would crumble under those circumstances. So be kind to yourself .... and establish boundaries. Just say nicely, "I really am not going to discuss that, now. Period. I hope you understand that." All adults have a right to their individual lives.

Insufferable know-it-all.Einstein God has a plan for us. Please stop screwing it up with your prayers.
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02-03-2016, 12:14 AM
RE: Just words, but they can wound deeply
Not really young, no. This conversation took place several years ago and just stuck with me for some reason. I guess complaining may have made me sound immature. I don't know. I am 37, so most would not say young when describing me.

A little bit more about me just to introduce myself better:

I spent a couple years in college and then quit to join the U.S. Marine corps shortly after 9/11.

I served for four years, and met my wife while I was stationed in Okinawa. I have lived there for the past twelve years. In our partnership, I took care of the house more and she had the better job. Two years ago my wife was diagnosed with a serious health condition and it became clear that she was not going to be able to continue to work outside the home. At that time we decided to start ramping up my career so that I could be in a better position to support the family when her ability to earn most of our income came to an end. Doctors told us we had a few years to do this. Fortunately I already had a degree, but not much experience in my field. I had to take a distant job to get things moving for my career and the last two years have been especially tough as a result. The hardest part of this whole
process is knowing that I am trading about two years of my wife's healthful remaining years away from her. She is the best person I have ever met and I...

Of course it's not all gloom and doom for us. We have two wonderful daughters, ages 4 and 8. They are the best parts of both our lives even if they can be difficult at times.

Anyway, I know my current situation with my wife's health is entirely unrelated to my mothers desire that I be humbled, but I doubt that she sees it that way. I will certainly never bring it up with her.

Thank you for your kind words. It is certainly nice to meet fellow freethinkers through these forum's. I am so glad I found you all.
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02-03-2016, 02:51 AM
RE: Just words, but they can wound deeply
(01-03-2016 11:07 PM)lamar.ethington Wrote:  ...
She then asked me what I thought was so hard in my past, and it struck me that she was basically asking me to reduce the pain in my own life into a pissing contest to see who had the biggest pain. I told her that I was not going to participate in that.
...

Not being a first-hand witness, I'm not trying to correct your interpretation but I heard the question (as typed above) as a hurt mother would say it (imagine Jewish mother)... so not a pissing contest but a "Tell me I did do that was so wrong" question.

It seems to me to be someone questioning their own parenting skills i.e. We did our best to make things easy for you but perhaps that was the wrong approach as you have forgotten (or never realised) why you need to be grateful to a divine rescuer/protector/owner/whatever.

Perhaps it's a guilt thing.

And yeah, I fully recognise that my interpretation might well be projection.

Consider

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02-03-2016, 03:26 AM (This post was last modified: 02-03-2016 06:31 AM by god has no twitter account.)
RE: Just words, but they can wound deeply
It seems to me like your mother cares deeply for you. So much so that she will endure your short-term unhappiness for your longer-term happiness back in the bosom of god so to speak.

That's the problem with religtardology and christardology in particular. It pretends to be about peace, love, acceptance and understanding until times like this. Well, if that's the case, then you being an atheist should make no difference whatsoever. The acceptance and understanding bit should kick in and things should continue pretty much as normal. Of course, things never do. They forget the supposed teachings of jesus and turn against atheists.

When asked what would jesus do in this situation, they ignore it and quote shit from the OT about smiting the enemy yada, yada and casting out sin and the devil, praise de lard.

This christardology shit has really fucked mankind up in a big way.

Just make sure that your kids turn away from christardology. It should carry a health warning.

Marburg virus, Ebola, Rabies, HIV, Smallpox, Hantavirus, Dengue Fever all brought to you by god - who cares for us and loves us all Censored
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02-03-2016, 05:56 AM
RE: Just words, but they can wound deeply
It may help to see your mother as a victim of the indoctrination that she underwent and that she really thinks that you will be better off in the long run by believing. For her, wishing you to be humbled in order to turn your beliefs might be like her being willing to have you endure the pain of a vaccination in order to avoid a bigger problem later.

I try to be madder at what religion does to people than at the people. That said, what she said was uncalled for and you have every right to resent it.

Atheism: it's not just for communists any more!
America July 4 1776 - November 8 2016 RIP
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02-03-2016, 06:02 AM
RE: Just words, but they can wound deeply
Sticks and stones can break my bones.....

NOTE: Member, Tomasia uses this site to slander other individuals. He then later proclaims it a joke, but not in public.
I will call him a liar and a dog here and now.
Banjo.
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02-03-2016, 10:33 AM
RE: Just words, but they can wound deeply
My mother is a strange case, because she left the religion she grew up with as well. She even became an atheist for a while, but then she fell in with a new age group that had many similarities with her old religion though she doesn't see those similarities. She is now convinced that she is developing a personal relationship with the true God through some kind of magical connection to what she calls her guru.

Even though her childhood indoctrination wasn't effective in keeping her bound to the faith of her parents, perhaps it made it difficult for her to live without the idea of some kind of supernatural element to her life. Of course I have no way of knowing the inner workings of her mind. Her new religion seems baffling to me. They have her convinced they have no interest in money or material things, and yet they are constantly getting her to pay them for something. It's doubly baffling because they are selling the idea that they can teach you to basically learn magic powers that will let you bend the universe to your will such that you will always have everything you need or want etc, but for some reason, they (those who would teach these powers to her) still need her money.

I like to remind myself that in a mind that can hold such baffling contradictions loving someone and wishing them harm probably doesn't even seem strange.
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