Kind of a strange loss.
Post Reply
 
Thread Rating:
  • 0 Votes - 0 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
20-09-2012, 10:00 PM
Kind of a strange loss.
Found out this evening that my first love died this week. I don't have any details.

I was fascinated with him from the first time I saw him when I was about 14. A couple years later we started an on again off again tumultuous relationship that went on for nearly 20 years. Finally, his demons made me get away and stay away for good. It's been about 20 years since we had any contact.

Funny how people spanned many, many miles over the years to let me know where he was and what was happening with his life (most of it not good). So many people from back home just saw us as a couple, even when we weren't.

The peace he searched for all his life was never found.

It's a weird thing.

I'm not anti-social. I'm pro-solitude. Sleepy
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 3 users Like Anjele's post
20-09-2012, 10:03 PM
Kind of a strange loss.
Hug

It was just a fucking apple man, we're sorry okay? Please stop the madness Laugh out load
~Izel
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
20-09-2012, 10:57 PM (This post was last modified: 20-09-2012 11:01 PM by kim.)
RE: Kind of a strange loss.
Not to be any more confusing, I'm still sorry for your loss. Someone who was so much a part of your life and then was so much not a part of your life - it reminds me of Tom Waits' song Blue Valentine:

She sends me blue valentines
All the way from philadelphia
To mark the anniversary
Of someone that I used to be ...

Theoretically, I'll probably one day be notified of my ex husband's death (smoker) and I have no ideas about what I will feel. I'm just not that person anymore so the feelings are just not there... at least not the same feelings.

It is too bad your guy couldn't have gotten his shit together - people deserve to live a full life, and live it happily - poor fella.

Heart Take care.

link with lyrics and a vid player for Blue Valentine
http://www.lyricsfreak.com/t/tom+waits/b...38792.html

A new type of thinking is essential if mankind is to survive and move to higher levels. ~ Albert Einstein
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 3 users Like kim's post
21-09-2012, 04:45 AM
RE: Kind of a strange loss.
Well, he does not need to be a love or hate of your life to have respect for the person. When you know someone for 20 years, you feel something for that person. Love, hate, friendship, respect, disgust, it is up to you, but he was a part of your life, so do not feel strange about the fact that he died and now you feel strange.

[Image: a6505fe8.jpg]
I have a theory that the truth is never told during the nine-to-five hours.
-Hunter S. Thompson
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 3 users Like Filox's post
21-09-2012, 05:00 AM
RE: Kind of a strange loss.
I feel for you. My ex, too, will likely die young and hard, and I've no idea what I'll feel...

Sorry for your loss, Anjele...

Drinking Beverage Grab a cuppa' joe; sit-n-read my blog for a spell: www.vaweber.wordpress.com
Visit this user's website Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
21-09-2012, 05:04 AM
RE: Kind of a strange loss.
Indeed. It would be strange not to feel strange.

I know this feeling. I can empathise. But it's hard to put into words.

It's like (not exactly like) suddenly remembering a childhood ambition. One feels a sense a loss for that innocent hope but reality, the rational pragmatism that comes with maturity, has taken you down a different path and other paths that were not taken, were not yours to take.

Not sure what else to say.

Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 1 user Likes DLJ's post
21-09-2012, 07:13 AM
RE: Kind of a strange loss.
Sorry for your loss Anj.

" Generally speaking, the errors in religion are dangerous; those in philosophy only ridiculous."
David Hume
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
21-09-2012, 07:19 AM
RE: Kind of a strange loss.
(21-09-2012 04:45 AM)Filox Wrote:  Love, hate, friendship, respect, disgust, it is up to you, but he was a part of your life.
That's really all that needs to be said. Frankly, they were a part of your life in someway or another. So regards to whatever feelings you have, you're only human. Strange is fine.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
21-09-2012, 09:39 AM
RE: Kind of a strange loss.
It's really kind of neutral at this point. The time for ill-will is long past. But, we were so linked for so long that I can't deny the part he played in my life...good, bad, or indifferent.

I did learn, clumsily, how to drive a manual transmission in his souped up, jacked up 1966 GTO. It rode like a lumber wagon, was loud as hell, but would scream down the highway.

There are many memories, some very good, some very bad. It just is.

I'm not anti-social. I'm pro-solitude. Sleepy
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 4 users Like Anjele's post
21-09-2012, 10:02 AM
RE: Kind of a strange loss.
There are people I haven't had contact with in years, tracking me down to tell me of his death...that's how strongly people associated one of us with the other. It's almost unnerving.

I'm not anti-social. I'm pro-solitude. Sleepy
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
Post Reply
Forum Jump: