LJ's Intro
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12-07-2012, 10:23 AM
LJ's Intro
Let's see if I can make this short. Undecided

My name is LJ and I'm 40, female, a mother with 3 sons and wife. I live in the Bible Belt. I was raised in a non religious household. My adoptive father is an atheist and my mother has only been religious in the last 15 years. When I was 12 yrs old I baptized in the LDS (Mormon) faith. This was due largely to the fact that my friends were all LDS and since I attended church with a couple of them, the church sent the missionaries to my home to convert me.

This was a big deal to my atheist father, but since I was adopted (my real father committed suicide when I was 3 yrs old), my mother would allow him no say so in what I did. He did forbid her to allow the missionaries anywhere near my younger brother, though. They divorced in 1985, my mother sabotaged any relationship I would ever have with my Dad. It still suffers to this day.

All during my time as a "Christian" I was very bitter. I never felt anything in a church, I never felt any presence of God. I never felt the elation that other people felt about religion. This led me to crippling depression, thinking I was not good enough for God to connect with me. Other people "talked to God" why couldn't I? That depression led to drug abuse, relationships that were destructive and suicidal tendencies. In 1992, I left the LDS faith, finally realizing that Christianity was not for me. I was an atheist full time for 2 years. During that time, I kicked drugs and depression (no meds.). I felt happier for the first time in several years, but, still felt something was missing.

In '94, I got involved with paganism. I kept trying to "find Gods" that would accept me, knowing full well that there were none. They didn't exist. I didn't want to admit that. In my 18 years in paganism, I tried every religion I could find, studying them into oblivion. While people were telling me, "The Gods choose you, you don't choose them.", I was still trying to figure out what was wrong with me and why all these people claim to talk to Gods, yet, I can not. I've maintained that I'm an atheist in paganism the entire 18 years I've been involved with it. I write a pagan blog, talk on pagan forums.....walk the walk, talk the talk, but don't believe the belief.

Recently, I got mad, I decided that I wanted to devote to a God and I contacted an oracle for that God. The God told the oracle that I was already "taken", and named a name. I was elated! Jumping up and down and finally sure that I could feel that God's presence in my life. Two days later, I woke up. That God didn't contact me. Someone else told me that God was there and that they had been contacted for me. For years in Christianity, I had been told God was there. Other people could feel him, other people could see him. I was taking their word for it. Now I finally realized that I had been doing the exact same thing in paganism. Pretending. Taking someone else's word for something that isn't there.

I've been an atheist for 40, but I just got around to accepting it in the last 30 days. I no longer feel that bitterness that I felt for so long listening to other people talking about things that aren't there. And, I found this site and this podcast, I am thankful that I did. I have not informed my blog readers of any of this, yet. I will be doing so very soon. Atheists aren't really treated any differently in paganism than they are in Christianity, by the way. I won't lose readers, personally, but I have seen how atheists are treated in that community in other places.

My husband, once a very firm Baptist just recently embraced atheism as well.

I hope that wasn't too painfully long.
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12-07-2012, 11:31 AM
RE: LJ's Intro
(12-07-2012 10:23 AM)LJRich Wrote:  Let's see if I can make this short. Undecided

My name is LJ and I'm 40, female, a mother with 3 sons and wife. I live in the Bible Belt. I was raised in a non religious household. My adoptive father is an atheist and my mother has only been religious in the last 15 years. When I was 12 yrs old I baptized in the LDS (Mormon) faith. This was due largely to the fact that my friends were all LDS and since I attended church with a couple of them, the church sent the missionaries to my home to convert me.

This was a big deal to my atheist father, but since I was adopted (my real father committed suicide when I was 3 yrs old), my mother would allow him no say so in what I did. He did forbid her to allow the missionaries anywhere near my younger brother, though. They divorced in 1985, my mother sabotaged any relationship I would ever have with my Dad. It still suffers to this day.

All during my time as a "Christian" I was very bitter. I never felt anything in a church, I never felt any presence of God. I never felt the elation that other people felt about religion. This led me to crippling depression, thinking I was not good enough for God to connect with me. Other people "talked to God" why couldn't I? That depression led to drug abuse, relationships that were destructive and suicidal tendencies. In 1992, I left the LDS faith, finally realizing that Christianity was not for me. I was an atheist full time for 2 years. During that time, I kicked drugs and depression (no meds.). I felt happier for the first time in several years, but, still felt something was missing.

In '94, I got involved with paganism. I kept trying to "find Gods" that would accept me, knowing full well that there were none. They didn't exist. I didn't want to admit that. In my 18 years in paganism, I tried every religion I could find, studying them into oblivion. While people were telling me, "The Gods choose you, you don't choose them.", I was still trying to figure out what was wrong with me and why all these people claim to talk to Gods, yet, I can not. I've maintained that I'm an atheist in paganism the entire 18 years I've been involved with it. I write a pagan blog, talk on pagan forums.....walk the walk, talk the talk, but don't believe the belief.

Recently, I got mad, I decided that I wanted to devote to a God and I contacted an oracle for that God. The God told the oracle that I was already "taken", and named a name. I was elated! Jumping up and down and finally sure that I could feel that God's presence in my life. Two days later, I woke up. That God didn't contact me. Someone else told me that God was there and that they had been contacted for me. For years in Christianity, I had been told God was there. Other people could feel him, other people could see him. I was taking their word for it. Now I finally realized that I had been doing the exact same thing in paganism. Pretending. Taking someone else's word for something that isn't there.

I've been an atheist for 40, but I just got around to accepting it in the last 30 days. I no longer feel that bitterness that I felt for so long listening to other people talking about things that aren't there. And, I found this site and this podcast, I am thankful that I did. I have not informed my blog readers of any of this, yet. I will be doing so very soon. Atheists aren't really treated any differently in paganism than they are in Christianity, by the way. I won't lose readers, personally, but I have seen how atheists are treated in that community in other places.

My husband, once a very firm Baptist just recently embraced atheism as well.

I hope that wasn't too painfully long.
Welcome! I hope you have nice discussions here!

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12-07-2012, 12:04 PM
RE: LJ's Intro
That's quite a journey, LJ. Welcome to the community!
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12-07-2012, 12:31 PM
RE: LJ's Intro
(12-07-2012 10:23 AM)LJRich Wrote:  Let's see if I can make this short. Undecided

My name is LJ and I'm 40, female, a mother with 3 sons and wife. I live in the Bible Belt. I was raised in a non religious household. My adoptive father is an atheist and my mother has only been religious in the last 15 years. When I was 12 yrs old I baptized in the LDS (Mormon) faith. This was due largely to the fact that my friends were all LDS and since I attended church with a couple of them, the church sent the missionaries to my home to convert me.

This was a big deal to my atheist father, but since I was adopted (my real father committed suicide when I was 3 yrs old), my mother would allow him no say so in what I did. He did forbid her to allow the missionaries anywhere near my younger brother, though. They divorced in 1985, my mother sabotaged any relationship I would ever have with my Dad. It still suffers to this day.

All during my time as a "Christian" I was very bitter. I never felt anything in a church, I never felt any presence of God. I never felt the elation that other people felt about religion. This led me to crippling depression, thinking I was not good enough for God to connect with me. Other people "talked to God" why couldn't I? That depression led to drug abuse, relationships that were destructive and suicidal tendencies. In 1992, I left the LDS faith, finally realizing that Christianity was not for me. I was an atheist full time for 2 years. During that time, I kicked drugs and depression (no meds.). I felt happier for the first time in several years, but, still felt something was missing.

In '94, I got involved with paganism. I kept trying to "find Gods" that would accept me, knowing full well that there were none. They didn't exist. I didn't want to admit that. In my 18 years in paganism, I tried every religion I could find, studying them into oblivion. While people were telling me, "The Gods choose you, you don't choose them.", I was still trying to figure out what was wrong with me and why all these people claim to talk to Gods, yet, I can not. I've maintained that I'm an atheist in paganism the entire 18 years I've been involved with it. I write a pagan blog, talk on pagan forums.....walk the walk, talk the talk, but don't believe the belief.

Recently, I got mad, I decided that I wanted to devote to a God and I contacted an oracle for that God. The God told the oracle that I was already "taken", and named a name. I was elated! Jumping up and down and finally sure that I could feel that God's presence in my life. Two days later, I woke up. That God didn't contact me. Someone else told me that God was there and that they had been contacted for me. For years in Christianity, I had been told God was there. Other people could feel him, other people could see him. I was taking their word for it. Now I finally realized that I had been doing the exact same thing in paganism. Pretending. Taking someone else's word for something that isn't there.

I've been an atheist for 40, but I just got around to accepting it in the last 30 days. I no longer feel that bitterness that I felt for so long listening to other people talking about things that aren't there. And, I found this site and this podcast, I am thankful that I did. I have not informed my blog readers of any of this, yet. I will be doing so very soon. Atheists aren't really treated any differently in paganism than they are in Christianity, by the way. I won't lose readers, personally, but I have seen how atheists are treated in that community in other places.

My husband, once a very firm Baptist just recently embraced atheism as well.

I hope that wasn't too painfully long.
Nope, not too long; it was really quite wonderfully informative. Thank you and welcome to the real world. Smile

Skepticism is not a position; it is an approach to claims.
Science is not a subject, but a method.
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12-07-2012, 12:38 PM
RE: LJ's Intro
Welcome!

" Generally speaking, the errors in religion are dangerous; those in philosophy only ridiculous."
David Hume
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12-07-2012, 12:57 PM
RE: LJ's Intro
Welcome to TTA!

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12-07-2012, 04:51 PM
RE: LJ's Intro
(12-07-2012 10:23 AM)LJRich Wrote:  I write a pagan blog, talk on pagan forums.....walk the walk, talk the talk, but don't believe the belief.

Where's your blog? I'd like to read about paganism. These are the only pagans I know. Big Grin

As it was in the beginning is now and ever shall be, world without end. Amen.
And I will show you something different from either
Your shadow at morning striding behind you
Or your shadow at evening rising to meet you;
I will show you fear in a handful of dust.
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12-07-2012, 06:11 PM
RE: LJ's Intro
(12-07-2012 04:51 PM)GirlyMan Wrote:  
(12-07-2012 10:23 AM)LJRich Wrote:  I write a pagan blog, talk on pagan forums.....walk the walk, talk the talk, but don't believe the belief.

Where's your blog? I'd like to read about paganism. These are the only pagans I know. Big Grin
You sayin' you don't recall these P.A.G.A.N.s? People Against Goodness And Normalcy.

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It was just a fucking apple man, we're sorry okay? Please stop the madness Laugh out load
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12-07-2012, 06:13 PM
RE: LJ's Intro
Welcome, LJ! Glad you found your way to us. Big Grin

It was just a fucking apple man, we're sorry okay? Please stop the madness Laugh out load
~Izel
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12-07-2012, 07:45 PM
RE: LJ's Intro
Welcome Smile

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