Lack of direction
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07-07-2014, 08:15 PM
Lack of direction
Hi everybody I am new to this forum but feel like I want some insight and help me with anxiety/depression issues
I am not newly atheist and have never truly been a religious man.
For a long time I was a soldier, a medic actually and I think this is why I never thought about this sooner I was so happy just staying alive everyday feeling like I had purpose all i had to do was stay alive and keep someone else alive and my day was full of purpose. After releasing from the military I found myself under qualified for most things and a lot of jobs truly boring.
Lately Iv had some time of unemployment before going back to study and had some time to figure that maybe my anxiety isn't with the jobs I am doing but how meaningless they make me feel.
I left the army to become a plumber after serving on a disaster relief area and realising the importance of water related infrastructure is it seemed like the easiest option... But once i started learning the trade I realised it was nothing like what I wanted to do.. I was installing fancy bathrooms kitchens for people who already had enough and only doing emergency plumbing work for ridiculous sums of money for my company... which made me feel like a crook. it also takes 4 years to get a licence in plumbing and than at least 6 years to be certified enough to start your own business in plumbing which seemed way too long for so little reward.

Anyway career wise I guess I always wanted to work with disaster relief it kind of makes things seem at least a little meaningful to me.

Anyway a little deeper on to this though i feel that regardless of what we do in life its really for no purpose and sometimes I am jealous of christians and other theists but I can't just make myself believe Santa Claus is real because i want to be happy.

How do you find your purposes?
If all we do is work, buy, sell, reproduce the cycle continues for the next generation to do the same etc
I guess I feel like the only real purpose is to try and immortalise myself a little so that one day in the future someone will be reading about my life with wonder somewhere between Robin Hood and Guy Fawkes in a book of folk heroes.

Anyone have any input into how i feel?
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07-07-2014, 09:06 PM
RE: Lack of direction
Hi and welcome.

I think we all want to matter...to someone. We don't want our time and efforts to be wasted or to feel wasted.

We all have different things that motivate us and different things we want to accomplish. Sometimes the things we do follow a well laid out path and sometimes we deal with what life serve up along the way in the best way we can.

Sounds like depression has a bit of a grip on you. Have you sought some sort of counseling or meds for that. Either or both can be really helpful to get out of a funk. Also, your age can be a factor. I have found times in my life where I dwell on things like 'what am I here for' more than other times.

Guess for me my life has been most about surviving. Grand plans of my youth didn't work out quite the way I envisioned. Over all I think I have done okay. I raised three kids into fairly reasonable adults. I work and make my own way and try to be nice to people when I have to deal with them. I won't go down in any history books, but I am okay with that.

You will have to come to your own peace with where you are and where you want to go.

A

See here they are the bruises some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. - JF
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07-07-2014, 09:26 PM
RE: Lack of direction
Thanks for the honest post.
Yeah I was recently diagnosed with an anxiety disorder and placed on medications... the irony now tho is i have medical bills to pay and very little income etc and i ran out of citalopram maybe 2 months ago it was actually great for a while but lately I've been a bit up and down tbh...
A few things have triggered my thought into this... time i think not having a lot of work to do atm as I am on casual/temp hours
and feeling so bored after my military service made me start wondering how i could get the rush back but it wasn't until i started arguing with someone about why i needed the rush that i realised that all the adrenaline was just a great way to distract myself from wondering where to go next.
I guess I'm starting to get paranoid life was so easy when i had goals to chase every move was calculated and had a purpose etc but now it seems like I'm playing a game of chess against an opponent with invisible pieces I'm scared if i make a move i might be driving things into further failure.
Hence why i was wondering if anyone has any revolutions or similar ways of thinking and could help. Its actually not much use posting on non atheist boards because the answers almost always seem to end up with some religious aspect.. like find god and you will find yourself etc.
Im a little envious of that in religious folk but i can't make myself believe in fairy tales regardless of how much easier it would be
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08-07-2014, 08:03 PM
RE: Lack of direction
Actually, I completely relate. This is my second post, and about a year ago something clicked and I went from a very similar 'envy' of the true believers, existential angst if you will to a place where those questions are not necessarily 'answered', but missing the point. And am I grateful to not have them plaguing me.

The yearnings and questions you are asking seem 'unanswered' mainly because you appear to be in that 'between trapezes' sort of state. When my own life came back together after several extremely rough years, those questions no longer 'existed', so to speak. It's like the questions are a 'symptom' pointing to your need for greater personal 'health' (meaning, health in every human dimension; physical, mental, emotional, etc).

Most major pharmacies have generic antidepressants for a few bucks, I paid $4 USD for a month's supply back a few years for Celexa. You can't even go to McDonald's for that. Just getting your BRAIN back on track will do wonders, and shut down the energy feeding those kind of questions. The answers don't exist, therefore the questions themselves are in fact, irrelevant. YOU are not the questions, nor is anything about you 'wrong' to be asking them. I think it is a function of depression and what happens to the human brain over time when it is depressed.

You have every understandable reason for where you are right now, and perhaps getting a prescription and on some cheapo antidepressants will, from the bottom up (the bottom being your brain and body) 'resolve' these going nowhere kinds of ruts. You really deserve this. From one semi-adrenaline junky to another (I'm an RN lol) you have great purpose on this life Big Grin
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09-07-2014, 12:58 PM
RE: Lack of direction
"Work keeps at bay three great evils: boredom, vice, and need." ~ Voltaire

If you can't find satisfaction in your job, try finding a project. Might be refinishing a table, planting a garden, reading a book, baking a pie - anything that measures time by having a beginning and an end. The satisfaction of reaching the end will help overcome the "I'm useless" aspect of your situation. Small steps......

Set a goal of finding 3 disaster-related jobs you would be qualified to do each day. Are you willing and/or able to volunteer to help? Or would finances make it necessary that you find a paying job? Check the InterWeb for openings for those jobs. I've read about a few people who went to volunteer at a disaster and wound up getting corporate sponsorships to stay and continue their help.

Point being, if you're sitting in a chair going, "Gee, I'd like to be famous...." chances are nobody's going to be reading about you. Get up and go do something. The only one who can make your life worthwhile is you.

I'll be pulling for you finding success!

We have enough youth. How about looking for the Fountain of Smart?
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09-07-2014, 01:06 PM
RE: Lack of direction
Why does the job have to be your purpose? The purpose of the job is survival, nothing else.

There will be a zillion ways to pursue a purpose once you have a base income. There are so many different ways to volunteer and create change for people who need it.

Right now you don't have the freedom to pursue a purpose because you have no basic income.

Try to think of a job as mere money machine. Unlike in the military, your work here is not your life. It is quite rare for people to find their life's purpose in a job that also supports them.

[Image: dobie.png]Science is the process we've designed to be responsible for generating our best guess as to what the fuck is going on. Girly Man
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09-07-2014, 01:19 PM
Be of service
You're right about jobs these days. Service matters more, especially to people like you. I am a teacher and I've had two students graduate college and join Peace Corps. I do not know if a degree is required but you've got military service, specifically humanitarian service (medic), also the disaster relief experience, so you might look into that where the Peace Corps is concerned.

Also, there's a website -- http://www.idealist.org -- that has some interesting insights for people who like you are looking for more than a cookie-cutter job.

Money can't buy happiness but we all have to pay the rent. However, how much money a job is WORTH should make you think twice. Good money installing plumbing in expensive homes, I'll bet. Was it worth it? Obviously not, in your self-actualization. That's more important. Your value. Not your price. Good luck!
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09-07-2014, 03:57 PM
RE: Lack of direction
With your military service background have you considered being a paramedic? In Canada our ambulance attendants are well trained and well paid.
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