Leading a Double Life
Post Reply
 
Thread Rating:
  • 0 Votes - 0 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
23-08-2015, 11:06 PM
Leading a Double Life
Hi all. New to the forum but have been listening on and off to TTA for a couple of years now. I'm 46 years old and was christian most of my life. Started my deconversion 2-3 years ago and have reached the point where I desperately need interaction with other like-minded folks. All of my family members are christian, most of my friends are christian, my wife and oldest daughter are christian and the stress of leading this double life has reached a boiling point. I've dealt with a lot of loss the last 10 years, have been struggling with depression the last 7-8 years, have a very stressful job, and in combination with my closet-deconversion, I'm realizing I need to do something to relieve the stress. I have no one to really talk to about it, no one who really cares anyway, so you guys are stuck with me. :-)

A little bit more about myself. I grew up in the bible belt of Oklahoma. Went to baptist churches til I left for college in '87. Was "saved" when I was 12. Attended non-denominational churches throughout most of my adult life. Taking light loads and working my way through, I finally graduated college in '94. Was married to my first wife for 6 months during my sophomore year of college and have been happily married to my 2nd wife since '94, albeit not without some struggles and a lot of compromise. We have an 11 year old daughter and a 20 month old daughter. I have worked in the telecommunications/technology industry for 21 years, and plan to semi-retire in four more years, if I can take the stress that much longer. LOL. Not a lot of time for hobbies or interests, but my favorites are bass fishing, especially from a kayak, and soaking up all the knowledge about our universe and humanity that I have time for. My current favorite book is Atheist Universe. I don't have time to read a lot but I listen to audio books. I've "read" the bible more in the last couple of years than all of my adult life, just building ammo for the day I do finally "come out". I spend quite a bit of time shaking my head at a lot of the bullshit I read in the bible, and a lot more time nodding my head feverishly at what I read from atheist-based books, podcasts, videos, etc.

I don't want to bore anyone with too much personal stuff, so for now, that's my introduction. :-) I'm struggling pretty bad with being a closet atheist and just really need interaction with folks who understand. I still begrudgingly go to church almost every Sunday, because it's very important to my wife, and to come out of the closet at this point would destroy my marriage and family. She wants to pray at ever meal, pray over our toddler every night, etc. It's a monumental struggle. I'm hoping becoming a member of this community will aid in the struggle, and I'm looking forward to making new friends, interacting, and having an outlet for venting my frustrations. :-) I'll try not to be too high-maintenance, but I want to thank you in advance for all the support and feedback.

Sincerely,

"Killnmesmalls"
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 9 users Like killnmesmalls's post
23-08-2015, 11:17 PM
RE: Leading a Double Life
Welcome!

Hug

Many of us are in the closet. It's kinda crowded Tongue


But as if to knock me down, reality came around
And without so much as a mere touch, cut me into little pieces

Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 4 users Like Momsurroundedbyboys's post
23-08-2015, 11:23 PM
RE: Leading a Double Life
Welcome, cool name too.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 2 users Like pablo's post
23-08-2015, 11:32 PM
RE: Leading a Double Life
Welcome! This place has been great for maintaining my sanity with my closet frustrations and recovering from the initial "oh my god I'm an atheist" deconversion moment.

The ranting corner is great - ya gotta vent somewhere. Pics for a laugh at religion is another one of my favorites - I couldn't say or share any of it in public.

"If there's a single thing that life teaches us, it's that wishing doesn't make it so." - Lev Grossman
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 1 user Likes Nurse's post
23-08-2015, 11:45 PM
RE: Leading a Double Life
Welcome!

"Let the waters settle and you will see the moon and stars mirrored in your own being." -Rumi
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
23-08-2015, 11:49 PM
RE: Leading a Double Life
Hi there. Welcome.

NOTE: Member, Tomasia uses this site to slander other individuals. He then later proclaims it a joke, but not in public.
I will call him a liar and a dog here and now.
Banjo.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
24-08-2015, 07:09 AM
RE: Leading a Double Life
Thx for the welcome and kind words. :-)
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
24-08-2015, 08:11 AM
RE: Leading a Double Life
Hello! Big Grin

Hug
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
24-08-2015, 08:30 AM
RE: Leading a Double Life
As a fellow recent de-convert and closet-dweller, I welcome you to the club. I have only very recently told my wife of my apostasy. So far, we seem to be surviving, mainly because as long as I don't question her belief she doesn't question my lack thereof. I am becoming more and more comfortable with my situation. I keep waiting for someone to out me on Facebook or something... personally, I think it would be a relief, but I just can't bring myself do it. Anyway, I hope it helps you to know that there are plenty of us here facing some of the same things you are right now. Cheers!

I just wanted to let you know that I love you even though you aren't naked right now. Heart
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 2 users Like TurkeyBurner's post
24-08-2015, 09:23 AM
RE: Leading a Double Life
Hello and welcome,
As a current closet dweller, I understand: I know that "coming out" to my mom would be devastating for her, so I take her to church on Sunday ... I usually spend the time training my mind to focus on something else (like planning the week ahead) while the priest drones on and I try to view the participants as a social scientist would. Sometimes I invent stories about the lives of the people around me. (Of course, I still grind my teeth when a friend sends me a religiousy email or Facebook post, or someone ends a sentence with "God bless")

I survey the greying of the congregation with satisfaction, firm in the knowledge that although so many have never been encouraged to question their beliefs, and may never do so, their children are indifferent to these beliefs and most of their grandchildren will probably reject religious doctrines as intolerant and inconsistent with social progress.

Don't worry too much about your children growing up to be devout Christians: given the Internet, I would imagine that even in the Bible Belt, shielding children from knowledge of other belief systems, and the inevitable questions this poses, is getting harder and harder. As a parent, I would just expose them to the wonders of nature, encourage their critical thinking skills, and focus on teaching them values, such as empathy, authenticity, generosity, rather than beliefs.

I was a devout Catholic when my children were growing up, sent them to Catholic schools, did everything I could to encourage their faith, and (fortunately) both have lapsed during their college years (although they might not admit to being atheists, they are not religious, which is good enough for me Smile )

Your faith is not evidence, your opinion is not fact, and your bias is not wisdom
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 6 users Like Reducetarian's post
Post Reply
Forum Jump: