Leading a Double Life
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24-08-2015, 10:08 AM
RE: Leading a Double Life
Hello and welcome!

**Crickets** -- God
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24-08-2015, 10:48 AM (This post was last modified: 24-08-2015 10:52 AM by Mr. Boston.)
RE: Leading a Double Life
(24-08-2015 09:23 AM)Reducetarian Wrote:  Don't worry too much about your children growing up to be devout Christians: given the Internet, I would imagine that even in the Bible Belt, shielding children from knowledge of other belief systems, and the inevitable questions this poses, is getting harder and harder. As a parent, I would just expose them to the wonders of nature, encourage their critical thinking skills, and focus on teaching them values, such as empathy, authenticity, generosity, rather than beliefs.


Just to weigh-in specifically on the issue of the kids, I have a 4-year-old son and 3-month-old son and this has always been the strategy my wife and I have had. I'm an out and proud atheist, she's a non-denominational deist who was raised with no specific faith but has a (non-practicing) Jewish dad and recovering Irish Catholic mother. There is a wide variety of faiths in the various branches of our family tree which is Jewish, Irish Catholic, German Protestant; just a hodge-podge really. We try to expose the kids to as much culture AND nature/reality as we can. We don't try to shield them from the more religious members of the family. Our 4-year-old knows what praying and saying grace mean, and he has a rough idea of what the god hypothesis is about. But he also fantasizes that he's a Jedi Knight vampire, so you know, there's an active imagination at work there. But he also understands a lot of scientific concepts for a kid his age and is constantly asking us questions about how certain things in the world and the universe work. I try to give him the best age-appropriate answers I can and when he asks me a science question I can't answer (my formal "education" was in literature and fine arts, lol) we look it up.

Anyway we observe Christmas we do the tree and the mistletoe, and I tell him it's a time when many people celebrate Jesus, but that most of the traditions have their origins in pre-Christian rites and rituals, like solstice celebrations, etc. We also observe Hanukkah and Passover because we want him to understand his Jewish cultural roots but we focus on the traditions of family and community and charity moreso than specific holy writings. His take on Judaism and his own Jewish identity seems to be, "I'm a Jew, so I have to fight the bad guys." That's good enough for me!

I guess the point is, behind all the celebrations and cultural traditions we observe throughout the year we direct most of his attention towards real knowable phenomena in the physical universe. If he ends up wanting to be a practicing Jew to connect with his people, that's fine with me. If he comes to a point where he's convinced like I am that it's all simply material and that morality is a human construct, that's also fine. If he ends up like his mom, somewhere in the middle, with a strong connection to her culture and its customs but with a scientific fact-based perspective on our existence in the universe, that's fine as well. Our goal has always been to teach him to ask questions and give him the best tools we can to help him figure out whatever path suits him best. Whatever his views may end up being we don't want them to be based on ignorance or lack of exposure to opposing views.
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24-08-2015, 10:57 AM
RE: Leading a Double Life
Welcome, guy with awesome name.

You'll fit right in, here. Even if you have to dip into the world of religious lunacy on a daily basis, you can always come here for a dose of rational thinking. Smile

"Theology made no provision for evolution. The biblical authors had missed the most important revelation of all! Could it be that they were not really privy to the thoughts of God?" - E. O. Wilson
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24-08-2015, 12:23 PM
RE: Leading a Double Life
Welcome! Fantastic name. Hug
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24-08-2015, 01:45 PM
RE: Leading a Double Life
I deconverted when I was 46 about 3 years ago-it's never too late!

I'm from Oklahoma too, though Facebook took care of friends and family knowing where I stand on the god hypothesis.

Welcome!

Gods derive their power from post-hoc rationalizations. -The Inquisition

Using the supernatural to explain events in your life is a failure of the intellect to comprehend the world around you. -The Inquisition
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24-08-2015, 02:27 PM
RE: Leading a Double Life
Welcome! Feel free to vent or question anything you like Smile we have many people here who can give you very good answers and just keep you company and even put a smile on your face.

(23-08-2015 11:17 PM)Momsurroundedbyboys Wrote:  Welcome!

Hug

Many of us are in the closet. It's kinda crowded Tongue

Damn R-Kelly probably taking up most of the room Tongue

"If you keep trying to better yourself that's enough for me. We don't decide which hand we are dealt in life, but we make the decision to play it or fold it" - Nishi Karano Kaze
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24-08-2015, 04:08 PM
RE: Leading a Double Life
Welcome! I'll hold my opinion about remaining in this type of a relationship, since this is the intro section. Big Grin

But, I hope that you stay true to you. If your wife can't accept you for who you truly are, then what kind of relationship are you trying to keep going?

Okay, that's all I'll say. I don't believe in marriage, so don't mind me. Laugh out load

Have a cupcake!
[Image: cupcake.png]

Be true to yourself. Heart
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26-08-2015, 09:07 AM
RE: Leading a Double Life
Lovin all my new friends here! Thanks so much for all the kind words and great feedback. So nice to feel welcome and know that I have a place to express myself freely now!
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26-08-2015, 09:20 AM
RE: Leading a Double Life
(26-08-2015 09:07 AM)killnmesmalls Wrote:  Lovin all my new friends here! Thanks so much for all the kind words and great feedback. So nice to feel welcome and know that I have a place to express myself freely now!

Find some active threads and jump right in Thumbsup

"If there's a single thing that life teaches us, it's that wishing doesn't make it so." - Lev Grossman
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26-08-2015, 09:38 AM
RE: Leading a Double Life
Deidre32, I do see where you're coming from and I have days when I wonder what the hell am I still doing here. LOL. But we have an 11 yr old and a toddler together, and after the losses I've had over the last 10 years, battling depression, and losing my faith, I kinda feel like they're all I have left. It's a crazy battle, the religion stuff drives me nuts, and there are days when I just want to come out and take my chances, but I usually just try to keep everyone happy. It's fucked up, I know, but for now I've just decided to roll with it and not risk blowing it up, cause I think that may be worse than the current situation. For now I'm just trying to deal with it, day to day. It's kinda my "glue" for now. :-)
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