Let's write a book together
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21-08-2011, 09:39 PM (This post was last modified: 22-08-2011 12:22 AM by DeepThought.)
RE: Let's write a book together
Morgan Freeman/The Flying Spaghetti Monster spoke with a booming voice "See how my chosen hero has broken the ten commandments of the false gods, you midgets really are humanities last hope to save humanity, from itself!" as the ~300 Greek/Scottish midgets gather to observe the crater where the biblical commandments once stood.

Corrected spelling... and added some stuff so it makes more sense..

“Forget Jesus, the stars died so you could be born.” - Lawrence M. Krauss
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22-08-2011, 11:15 AM
RE: Let's write a book together
Seeing that all the midget could think of was masturbating, and that his Commandments had been received with a nuke, Morgan Freeman got very disappointed on the dwarf race and said "This one dwarf is single handedly making me sorry I created not only dwarfs, but also men, trees. the E.Coli bacteria, Mount Everest, and the Andromeda galaxy. My noodly appendages are itching to wipe it all out in a giant childish tantrum".

English is not my first language. If you think I am being mean, ask me. It could be just a wording problem.
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22-08-2011, 12:54 PM
RE: Let's write a book together
In the following silence a muffled "I am not a crook" was softly heard...

Observer

Agnostic atheist
Secular humanist
Emotional rationalist
Disclaimer: Don’t mix the personal opinion above with the absolute and objective truth. Remember to think for yourself. Thank you.
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22-08-2011, 01:10 PM
RE: Let's write a book together
50) Angered by this, Sarah Palin took of one of her shoes and stabbed the spaghetti monster in the eye with the heel, thus blinding it permanently.

I want to rip off your superstitions and make passionate sense to you
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22-08-2011, 01:23 PM
RE: Let's write a book together
Here is our story so far...

Once upon a time in beautiful kingdom far far away, there was an atheist dwarf that was in desperate need of human baby meat for his renowned 'immoral cannibal burger deluxe'. One day while he was walking round thinking about his "burger deluxe" he came up with a brilliant idea, but at that moment something distracted him. It was a spiritual being, called: The voice of reason. The voice was none other than the soothing voice of Morgan Freeman, who proceeded to proclaim to him a horrible disaster that will strike the planet Earth in 3 days. Astounded, he tried to communicate with the voice, yelling, "Can I stop it?!" The voice replied "Yes, but not alone, you will need help"! The voice continued, "March into the city of Nog, and gather 300 men, then bring them to this location, I will give the 301 of you more instructions once you arrive." And so our hero's journey began, taking with him only his walking stick, iPad 2 and a picture of Richard Dawkins in a pink bikini. On his travels he came across foul beasts called Christians. They're odors where far worse then anything imaginable, there skin covered in scales. He panicked at the sight of these foul beasts, so he opened his iPad 2, and googled how to defeat these creatures. But he couldn't even connect, because Internet had been cut off by the King who was tired of flash mobs wrecking havoc in his kingdom. He then took the Dawkins bikini picture and showed it to the beasts who, sadly enough, were not impressed, but preferred debating the picture with faulty arguments and logical fallacies. The Christians came closer... They sprinkled him with holy water and chanted "the power of Christ compels you!" ...And came closer again... So Monty, our friendly lil non believer, decided to challenge these evil Christians to a riddle, for his passage. The riddle was: "If god is all good, why is there evil?" The Christians began to turn red and struggle to breath, they attempted to answer mumbling incoherent babble about 'free will' and 'mysterious ways' but they were no match for the riddle and were eventually overcome, falling to the ground unconscious. Our hero thought the Christians defeated. That's when they unleashed their deadliest weapon. A huge beast reared up from among the the crowd, far more horrific than the rest of the Christians combined, feral though cunning and inherently evil, a beast by the name of Kent Hovind! Hovind began to shout some shit about a −300 °F ice meteor hitting the earth causing a flood. Our hero clearly taken aback by the stupidity he was hearing counter attacked with logical arguments based on empirical evidence, but Hovind was immune to these attacks by placing his fingers in his ears and reciting the ancient spell of "lalala I can't hear you I'm right your wrong lalala", all hope seemed lost when suddenly. So while Hovind's hands were busy being stuck over his ears, our hero kicked him square in the nuts: after all, he was an atheist and not bound by the biblical Commandment "Thou shall not kick fundies in the nuts". After seeing this, this first group of Christians stepped aside allowing his passage while they were still able to "Be fruitful and multiply". After this encounter, our hero reached the city of Nog after 5 days of marching, only to realize the place was entirely inhabited by Elvis imitators. Our hero pulls the boombox out of his backpack and connects the ipod2 headphone output to the boom-box. Being cheap mass produced Apple rubbish the iPod2 GUI locks up and starts playing a Justin Bieber song on infinite repeat at maximum volume. Over 300 Elvis Impersonators surround him angrily. The impersonators begin to stone him, but not in the biblical sense if you catch my drift. Overwhelmed by the toxic yet seemingly pleasant gas, our hero has, for no reason, unlocked his latent superpowers secretly granted to him by the FBI - THE POWER OF PUNCHING SOMETHING AND SETTING IT ON FIRE SIMULTANEOUSLY! He wanted to use his super powers but he was afraid to use it against the elvish pointy ears and bows. The unholy fumes started to make everybody hungry so the people of Nog gathered their eggs, and made egg Nog. While mellowing out, Monty showed them his copy of Mars Attacks, and they were much taken by the ending.

Suddenly, the ground erupted with icy tendrils! Jumping in fear the Elvis impersonators spill their Eggnog all over the icy tendrils, and they start crying. Luckly the eggnog melted the icy tendrils but the problem of having no eggnog to drink still remained open for monty/the next poster to solve. At this point the atheist dwarf was about to give in to despair, but suddenly realized how good he had it: if instead of Nog he'd found himself in Sodom, he'd have had to get to know every man, from child to old geezer, in the Biblical sense, and suddenly he stopped crying over the spilled egg nog. He said: People... I need to get to know 300 of you... And then he masturbated. The voice of Morgan Freeman boomed out "did I ask you to do that, stick to the plan asshole, gather your 300 soldiers and I shall reveal my true identity"! Each of the 300 looked like Gerard Butler, with a funny beard and a 6-pack and their accent was scottish for some reason even though they were clearly greek. (Its a plot hole that we choose to ignore). Okay, he waited until now, And then he masturbated. The booming voice of Morgan Freeman said "Stop the spontaneous public masterbation and Get back to your quest, If you touch it again i will take it away from you". There was a crash of lightning and the voice boomed out "You have formed the army, I will now reveal my true identity", the clouds parted, a huge shape was descending from the heavens, his noodly appendages blowing in the wind, it was none other than his noodliness, the Flying Spaghetti Monster! And then he masturbated. All of a sudden, with a flash, his sword made of meat GREW 3 TIMES AS LARGE! Then it turned blue and from now on our dwarf hero shall faint every time he gets a woody - from blood loss due to the unnatural size of his meat sword. (Hopefully he doesn't see any pretty girls in the middle of battle) Then suddenly, Sarah Palin appeared, wearing nothing but high heels and an american flag. This caused his boner to be killed faster than babies at an atheist BBQ. Morgan Freeman/The Flying Spaghetti Monster, attempting to show that he has a sense of humour, forced our dwarf to masturbate towards the direction of Sarah Palin! He ejaculated on her face with great force (before passing out due too blood shortage), accidentaly filmed it all with is iPad2 and was (for some strange and very sick reason) immedialy nominated for various AVN awards. He wakes up and realises there are noodles hanging out of his ass like tape worm and meatball residue left in his mouth which he promptly cleans up and swallows while he thinks to himself: "I'm not doing that again... what a night that was!"
He thought to himself that, and he decided to break all the 10 Commandments simultaneously. Our hero looks up at a nearby hill and seeing the 2 engraved stone tablets sitting there with the 10 commandments engraved on it, he pulls the mini-nuke launcher out of his backpack. "Whoever wrote this crap must be dispatched with immediately" he muttered... Using the V.A.T.S. on his pipboy he saw that he had a 19% chance of a headshot on the stone tablets, he said "fuck it" and lanched the mini nuke anyway. With a GIANT KABOOM, our hero watching the blooming mushroom cloud, laughed like a madman. He never knew what knocked him unconscious. He woke up a few days later, only to find out the massive radiation had caused a horrible mutation on his body... His left arm had been replaced by his left leg and vice versa his right arm was now a tentacle and his testicles now resembled Richard Nixon and would occasionally say "I am not a crook". Morgan Freeman/The Flying Spaghetti Monster spoke with a booming voice "See how my chosen hero has broken the ten commandments of the false gods, you midgets really are humanities last hope to save humanity, from itself!" as the ~300 Greek/Scottish midgets gather to observe the crater where the biblical commandments once stood. Seeing that all the midget could think of was masturbating, and that his Commandments had been received with a nuke, Morgan Freeman got very disappointed on the dwarf race and said "This one dwarf is single handedly making me sorry I created not only dwarfs, but also men, trees. the E.Coli bacteria, Mount Everest, and the Andromeda galaxy. My noodly appendages are itching to wipe it all out in a giant childish tantrum". In the following silence a muffled "I am not a crook" was softly heard... Angered by this, Sarah Palin took of one of her shoes and stabbed the spaghetti monster in the eye with the heel, thus blinding it permanently.

63) The FSM acted in a great fury: "I will hide fossils all over the earth, giving the impression the earth is waaaay older than 6000 years, causing heated debates in schools everywhere!"

"Infinitus est numerus stultorum." (The number of fools is infinite)
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22-08-2011, 02:41 PM
RE: Let's write a book together
64) At that, William Lane Craig fell on his knees crying "Thank you oh god for giving me the chance to prove to you that my faith is impervious to every fact, evidence, and logical argument! Praise Jesus!"

English is not my first language. If you think I am being mean, ask me. It could be just a wording problem.
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23-08-2011, 05:17 AM
RE: Let's write a book together
65) And so it was; praising Jesus, voting Sarah Palin into the White House and banning our hero to Mexico (where he died after choking on a jalapeño dipped nacho, but came back as a blessed zombie).



FIN



Stay tuned for season 2!

- Who's that foxy elven shemale that looks at our hero with lusty eyes?
- What is the Qur'an doing under Palin's pillow?
- What is the only and official way to make spaghetti?

All these questions will be answered soon. Thank you for reading.

"Infinitus est numerus stultorum." (The number of fools is infinite)
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23-08-2011, 06:47 PM
Wink RE: Let's write a book together
((i can not believe i just read the whole thing! lol!))

Google is one of my best friends Heart
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23-08-2011, 07:44 PM
RE: Let's write a book together
(23-08-2011 06:47 PM)seljusisk. Wrote:  ((i can not believe i just read the whole thing! lol!))

And now, to complete the rite of passage, you should masturbate.

As it was in the beginning is now and ever shall be, world without end. Amen.
And I will show you something different from either
Your shadow at morning striding behind you
Or your shadow at evening rising to meet you;
I will show you fear in a handful of dust.
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24-08-2011, 12:16 PM
RE: Let's write a book together
This was a great thread. We have collectively written a future bestseller Big Grin

Behold the power of the force!
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