Letting Go of God
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29-11-2012, 12:22 AM
Letting Go of God
It's been almost four months since I began my de-conversion. Already I've noticed improvements to my life outside and in.

The most recent was finally finding answers to internal struggles I've been trying to find answers to most of my life.

Now I am beginning to realize that prayer and worship keeps us in sort of a hope loop. I used to believe that one day opportunities and certain realizations would just sort of happen, maybe by an answered prayer. That for some reason God was making me wait.

Now I understand how things really are in my hands and I don't have to wait and wish for better things to come along.

I think that is the real miracle. If only more people understood this and really helped others who are struggling in life or did the work to answer their own hopes and prayers.

I don't want to be that person anymore I was just 4+ months ago.
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29-11-2012, 12:40 AM
RE: Letting Go of God
Wow, that's a quick de-conversion. Were there already significant seeds of doubt within your mind over the years or was it a full blown collapse that started suddenly this year?

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29-11-2012, 12:44 AM (This post was last modified: 29-11-2012 01:02 AM by kpax.)
RE: Letting Go of God
It was a process over the years starting in childhood (I'm in my 30s now). Went from losing my Mormon religion, then heavily studying other religions, went through a period of debating heavily with atheists online (haha - funny I thought I was planting the seeds in them, they were the ones planting in me!), from there it went to trying to be non-denominational and then it just pretty much slapped me in the face this year what was actually happening to me.

So, officially accepting it 4 months ago, now that I think about it, deconverting really all my life.

The first de-conversion, when I left the Mormon religion at age 14, was actually a traumatizing experience. I went through years of internal struggle, confusion, sorrow, mourning.

However, I'm really happy now. I struggled greatly trying to find answers for many years. It never occurred to me that it was okay to not believe at all.

It's like meeting myself again for the first time.
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29-11-2012, 12:57 AM
RE: Letting Go of God
Interesting.

I can't really relate to the experiences of most of those here since I was never really a believer myself. I don't know what it's like to have myself trapped into that sort of delusional thinking. I sometimes wonder what it would have been like to have first hand experience with such thought processes, but then I remember that many describe it as an unpleasant memory of fruitless endeavors of internal monologues (which are perceived as dialogues) and inner turmoil. You seemed to have bounced around quite a bit, which seems to imply that delusion meme of yours was viciously trying to protect itself from eradication, but you had the capability of fighting it off.

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29-11-2012, 01:10 AM (This post was last modified: 29-11-2012 01:15 AM by kpax.)
RE: Letting Go of God
(29-11-2012 12:57 AM)Tartarus Sauce Wrote:  You seemed to have bounced around quite a bit, which seems to imply that delusion meme of yours was viciously trying to protect itself from eradication, but you had the capability of fighting it off.

I thought I had to believe in a god in order to function so I was trying to figure out what I believed in.

You know, growing up being fed what it would be like to deny god and being fed horror stories of what atheists were, etc.

Imagine the most horrible person in the world and doing whatever it takes to not be that person. Adults telling you from childhood how horrible this person is, the horrible things they do and the horrible things that happen to them. "Don't ever be like this person", they say. Some believers never grow out of that.

Then people like me who take a closer look at this "horrible person" and realize they start to make sense. And maybe they aren't so bad. Then learning that their ways actually make more sense than what you've been told. Then realizing perhaps you would like to be friends with this person. And then maybe one day realizing you would like to be this person.

But since you are so terrified of what your loved ones told you over the years and how much you would disappoint them just for speaking this "horrible person's name" an internal struggle begins.

This is what deconverting is like.
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29-11-2012, 01:18 AM
Letting Go of God
Your title reminds me of Julia Sweeney's story. Did you mean to say that or was this Satan's work?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=geRUTfgTQlo&sns=em

It was just a fucking apple man, we're sorry okay? Please stop the madness Laugh out load
~Izel
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29-11-2012, 01:20 AM
RE: Letting Go of God
HaHa. Maybe subliminal advertising. I watched her video months ago. Very moving.
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29-11-2012, 10:42 AM
RE: Letting Go of God
(29-11-2012 12:22 AM)kpax Wrote:  It's been almost four months since I began my de-conversion. Already I've noticed improvements to my life outside and in.

The most recent was finally finding answers to internal struggles I've been trying to find answers to most of my life.

Now I am beginning to realize that prayer and worship keeps us in sort of a hope loop. I used to believe that one day opportunities and certain realizations would just sort of happen, maybe by an answered prayer. That for some reason God was making me wait.

Now I understand how things really are in my hands and I don't have to wait and wish for better things to come along.

I think that is the real miracle. If only more people understood this and really helped others who are struggling in life or did the work to answer their own hopes and prayers.

I don't want to be that person anymore I was just 4+ months ago.
I agree. I'm tired of hearing from believers how much better off the world is because of religion. It's just the opposite; it holds us back waiting for things that will never happen by counting on gods that don't exist. And it sets us up to be divided and to rebuke and/or condemn people over ridiculous matters.

"Religion has caused more misery to all of mankind in every stage of human history than any other single idea." --Madalyn Murray O'Hair
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29-11-2012, 02:21 PM
RE: Letting Go of God
(29-11-2012 10:42 AM)Impulse Wrote:  
(29-11-2012 12:22 AM)kpax Wrote:  It's been almost four months since I began my de-conversion. Already I've noticed improvements to my life outside and in.

The most recent was finally finding answers to internal struggles I've been trying to find answers to most of my life.

Now I am beginning to realize that prayer and worship keeps us in sort of a hope loop. I used to believe that one day opportunities and certain realizations would just sort of happen, maybe by an answered prayer. That for some reason God was making me wait.

Now I understand how things really are in my hands and I don't have to wait and wish for better things to come along.

I think that is the real miracle. If only more people understood this and really helped others who are struggling in life or did the work to answer their own hopes and prayers.

I don't want to be that person anymore I was just 4+ months ago.
I agree. I'm tired of hearing from believers how much better off the world is because of religion. It's just the opposite; it holds us back waiting for things that will never happen by counting on gods that don't exist. And it sets us up to be divided and to rebuke and/or condemn people over ridiculous matters.

I think it's today that someone pointed out on the forum a news article about a guy who was very nearly jailed for pointing out that water seeping from a 'weeping' statue was in fact sewage water. For this he was charged under blasphemy laws. How can we be bright enough to build computers and go to the stars if we're this fucking thick?
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29-11-2012, 02:47 PM
RE: Letting Go of God
(29-11-2012 02:21 PM)morondog Wrote:  
(29-11-2012 10:42 AM)Impulse Wrote:  I agree. I'm tired of hearing from believers how much better off the world is because of religion. It's just the opposite; it holds us back waiting for things that will never happen by counting on gods that don't exist. And it sets us up to be divided and to rebuke and/or condemn people over ridiculous matters.

I think it's today that someone pointed out on the forum a news article about a guy who was very nearly jailed for pointing out that water seeping from a 'weeping' statue was in fact sewage water. For this he was charged under blasphemy laws. How can we be bright enough to build computers and go to the stars if we're this fucking thick?
It's not "us", it's "them". Angel Evil_monster

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