Letting go of friends and other stuff
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16-01-2014, 09:58 AM
Letting go of friends and other stuff
I'm usually not good at maintaining my feelings in general. To give an understanding, I feel like I'm carrying around a suitcase. And not a suitcase with everything folded neatly inside. Everything is stuffed and crammed around, wrinkles or broken or just lost. I don't know. But what I do know is that I'm a teenager, and I'm probably not the most stable because of that.

I'm one of those people that can't say "No." I'm too nice. I was. And I was too patience too.

Now, I don't feel anything. I don't care. I've done some bad things lately. I'm not here to sound like I'm confiding into some pastor though. I'm just worried because I don't give a shit. I feel nothing whatsoever for my bad actions.

I'm hurting people's feelings, and I think that's one of the worst things you could do to a person, and be completely aware of it.

Oh, but the main point of this was because of my best friend. Well, best friend not so much anymore. I wish there was a non-asshole-ish way to say "our friendship has run its course, you make me uncomfortable with your feelings and a lot of shit you do pisses me off bye." but still remain completely honest.

I've told this friend I'm uncomfortable with her and the things she does. I've told her I don't want anything to do with her problems, but man, I feel like I'm drowning. Literally in over my head in a bucket of bullshit that isn't even mine. And I'm already carrying my bucket of bullshit! Why do I need two?

Anyways, I suppose this was my place to rant about said buckets of metaphorical manure.
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16-01-2014, 10:08 AM
RE: Letting go of friends and other stuff
I agree that some friendships only last for 'a time' and then they are done. Whatever the mutual bond was in the beginning has lost its glory.

If your friend didn't have her bucket of problems, and they were all magically solved, would you still feel tired of this relationship and still walk away? Or are her problems just become too much?


I have been the friend just simply tired of the company of friend and moved on.
I have been the friend that just couldn't handle someone else's problems.
I have been the friend with a bucket of problems too big for my friends to deal with.
I have been the friend that got left behind because others simply tired of me.

every position has its hurts, and every position learns something when it is all said and done.


"Life is a daring adventure or it is nothing"--Helen Keller
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16-01-2014, 10:12 AM
RE: Letting go of friends and other stuff
(16-01-2014 10:08 AM)Bows and Arrows Wrote:  I agree that some friendships only last for 'a time' and then they are done. Whatever the mutual bond was in the beginning has lost its glory.

If your friend didn't have her bucket of problems, and they were all magically solved, would you still feel tired of this relationship and still walk away? Or are her problems just become too much?


I have been the friend just simply tired of the company of friend and moved on.
I have been the friend that just couldn't handle someone else's problems.
I have been the friend with a bucket of problems too big for my friends.
I have been the friend that got left behind because others simply tired of me.

every position has its hurts, and every position learns something when it is all said and done.

I think right now, it's just that I can't handle her problems. Her problems are beyond self control. She can't take care of them just by talking and venting and trying to be strong. There are underlying problems that she needs serious help to fix. After a while, I started to suffocate as I watched her destroy everything she had, and then cover it up with some facade.

I've always been the friend that's been left behind, simply because they grew tired of me, or I was just that easy to forget.

It doesn't hurt as much when you're in the shoes of the person moving on, but when you're the person behind them, you don't quite understand why you're being left alone.
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16-01-2014, 06:15 PM
RE: Letting go of friends and other stuff
That doesn't sound like being an arsehole at all. You have told them their behaviors are having a negative impact on you. If they continue with them they have no one to blame but themselves.

The most important thing you can feel about your friends is a deep and abiding respect. They should make you want to be a better person and that can carry you through the shitty times. If you don't look at them, even at their very worst and think "Fuck I am lucky to have you in my life" then that person is either just an acquaintance or a liability.
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16-01-2014, 06:24 PM
RE: Letting go of friends and other stuff
Sometimes people that come into your life just don't belong there forever. The friend that does last forever is something special...I have a great friend that I have known since I was 13...that's like a bazillion years ago. We are far apart geographically so see one another seldom. Over the years we have been super close, talking at least once a week and sometimes life keeps us busy and we don't talk often...but we pick up right where we left off.

But I have had other friends that I was really close to that just stopped being good for me or I stopped being good for them. It's the way things are. I know it's not pleasant but people will wander into and out of your life. Memories of some will make you smile and others will make you cringe. Things change...people change...hugs to you.

I'm not anti-social. I'm pro-solitude. Sleepy
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20-01-2014, 03:06 PM
RE: Letting go of friends and other stuff
In my senior year of high school I met a friend, let's call him Hank.
Hank was a weirdo, like me. We were the outcasts of the school and we didn't mind. Then we went to college together, stayed in touch after, worked together for a couple of years, I introduced him to a group of friends of mine. Good call, he started dating the couple of bi-sexual girls.
Now, the friendships started changing a little, most of them couldn't stand the girl I was dating (stubborn alpha 'groupleader' versus stubborn alpha) so I didn't really care anymore.
Then I moved away. And the guy I had daily contact with for 8 years just stopped replying to messages.
Sure, it hadn't been as great as it once was, but he was still my bud.
Him and most of that group of friends haven't spoken to me in at least 4 years now.
At first I thought that sucked. But I didn't really mind, those women fighting over domination, pathetic.
And I had other, far more mature, friendgroups.
I can't stand the Shawshank Redemption but Get busy livin' or get busy dyin'.

Aspiring optimist
Eternal Pragmatist.
With the uncanny ability to see all sides in every argument.
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20-01-2014, 03:24 PM
RE: Letting go of friends and other stuff
(16-01-2014 09:58 AM)Ferdinand Wrote:  I'm usually not good at maintaining my feelings in general. To give an understanding, I feel like I'm carrying around a suitcase. And not a suitcase with everything folded neatly inside. Everything is stuffed and crammed around, wrinkles or broken or just lost. I don't know. But what I do know is that I'm a teenager, and I'm probably not the most stable because of that.

I'm one of those people that can't say "No." I'm too nice. I was. And I was too patience too.

Now, I don't feel anything. I don't care. I've done some bad things lately. I'm not here to sound like I'm confiding into some pastor though. I'm just worried because I don't give a shit. I feel nothing whatsoever for my bad actions.

I'm hurting people's feelings, and I think that's one of the worst things you could do to a person, and be completely aware of it.

Oh, but the main point of this was because of my best friend. Well, best friend not so much anymore. I wish there was a non-asshole-ish way to say "our friendship has run its course, you make me uncomfortable with your feelings and a lot of shit you do pisses me off bye." but still remain completely honest.

I've told this friend I'm uncomfortable with her and the things she does. I've told her I don't want anything to do with her problems, but man, I feel like I'm drowning. Literally in over my head in a bucket of bullshit that isn't even mine. And I'm already carrying my bucket of bullshit! Why do I need two?

Anyways, I suppose this was my place to rant about said buckets of metaphorical manure.

I've been there, and it's hard. Really hard to disengage at times. Some people seem to thrive on their personal drama and don't see it for what it is, drama.

Now, everyone goes through difficult patches, but I'm not talking about that...I'm talking about people who live like a soap opera.

There are a couple people I know, very nice women. One has had a rough year (family, illness, death) and I'm very considerate of her and will listen endlessly while she unloads. I dont mind it.

Then there's the other friend, who's now for years inflating her own drama and she's the one everyone seems to run to, to comfort. Seriously!

So yes, despite the years of frienship -- I've had to leave the other person addicted to her drama, creating her problems and blaming the world or Obama for her troubles. I had to just disengage from them and yes it hurt me to do that. Yet, at the same time, it was like I could again breathe and wasn't worried about the next text message or the next time I saw her (we tend to travel in the same social circle).

Hug Ferdi you'll get through it and if you ever need to talk shoot me a PM.


God is a concept by which we measure our pain -- John Lennon

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20-01-2014, 03:34 PM
RE: Letting go of friends and other stuff
(16-01-2014 06:24 PM)Anjele Wrote:  Sometimes people that come into your life just don't belong there forever. The friend that does last forever is something special...I have a great friend that I have known since I was 13...that's like a bazillion years ago. We are far apart geographically so see one another seldom. Over the years we have been super close, talking at least once a week and sometimes life keeps us busy and we don't talk often...but we pick up right where we left off.

But I have had other friends that I was really close to that just stopped being good for me or I stopped being good for them. It's the way things are. I know it's not pleasant but people will wander into and out of your life. Memories of some will make you smile and others will make you cringe. Things change...people change...hugs to you.


I very much agree with Anjele here.
Also, I'd add that some of us are *major* givers in life and sometimes there just comes a point when you, my friend, are all tapped out. That's the 'don't give a shit' feeling you have right now. And I know it well. Hang in there. There's nothing wrong with you. You're tired from the sounds of it - emotionally strapped and worn out. If when you bounce back (even a little) your real friends will still be there. Anyone who's Not still around wasn't a true friend.

Hug

When I want your opinion I'll read your entrails.
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