Life
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04-12-2017, 07:43 PM
Life
I'm not sure how to talk about this. It's all so complex that I don't even understand it all. The only thing I know is that I don't like life, I dislike virtually all people, and I feel absolutely alienated from everything and everyone. I remember feeling this way as far back as a young child. I always had a hard time making friends, getting people to notice and respect me, and ultimately navigating through daily life effectively. Everyone else seems to get on relatively well. They can make friends, people listen to them when they speak, they can get dates, people invite them to parties, their good attributes and accomplishments get recognized, etc... For me this has never been the case. I've come to the conclusion that I'm just a dud. No one really likes me, and no one really cares about me. I've never really had a friend, and I've never had a girlfriend. People never care what I have to say. Even when I put my best foot forward and try to be more outgoing, it just backfires. Everything I try to do backfires.

I'm to the point where I just don't really want a good life anymore. I just don't really want it anymore. I can liken it to going to a restaurant and sitting down at the table. You sit there ten minutes and nobody comes to your table. You see another party walk in behind you and the waiter goes directly to their table. You keep waiting and more people walk in after you and they all get waited on. Eventually you just say "hell with this. I don't even want it anymore," and get up and walk out. That's how I feel with life. I just want it to end so I can finally stop having to put up with the pain. Nothing really matters to me anymore and the desire is gone. I wouldn't want a good life even if you offered it to me at this point. I just want to be gone and for people to forget I ever existed (which shouldn't be difficult it seems). I just want it to be over.
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04-12-2017, 08:06 PM
RE: Life
*hugs* Well, I care what you have to say and so do several other people on here who responded to your previous thread that you created. There are a lot of jerks in the world no doubt, and I'm sorry you feel lonely. I hope you decide to give yourself a chance, kick any negative jerks to the curb, and give yourself a chance. I know that is easier to say than do particularly because I know you mentioned you suffer from depression. But you are worth a life and worth being happy, no matter what is going through your head right now. I hope you decide to talk to a therapist about it, it's too much for you to try and conquer all on your own. If you are having suicidal thoughts, I do urge you to call a help line. Suicide is exactly that-a final solution. Please don't let depression win. It doesn't get to.

If you are simply feeling sad and lonely tonight and just want someone to talk to, come to some of the threads in the Casual Coffeehouse. Lots of people to talk to in there and to become friends with.
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04-12-2017, 08:19 PM
RE: Life
(04-12-2017 08:06 PM)jennybee Wrote:  *hugs* Well, I care what you have to say and so do several other people on here who responded to your previous thread that you created. There are a lot of jerks in the world no doubt, and I'm sorry you feel lonely. I hope you decide to give yourself a chance, kick any negative jerks to the curb, and give yourself a chance. I know that is easier to say than do particularly because I know you mentioned you suffer from depression. But you are worth a life and worth being happy, no matter what is going through your head right now. I hope you decide to talk to a therapist about it, it's too much for you to try and conquer all on your own. If you are having suicidal thoughts, I do urge you to call a help line. Suicide is exactly that-a final solution. Please don't let depression win. It doesn't get to.

If you are simply feeling sad and lonely tonight and just want someone to talk to, come to some of the threads in the Casual Coffeehouse. Lots of people to talk to in there and to become friends with.

I do appreciate your post and kindness, but your entire post is a prime example of how no one gets it. It's not just "a few jerks", it's everyone. Everyone disregards me, and I seem to not matter to anyone. I've come to the conclusion that it's not them, it's me. This is something I've been living at the nexus of my entire life. I live through it every day. The reason why I never try to reach out for help is because the only thing people can offer is platitudinous responses like yours. Not trying to sound rude. It's just the truth.
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04-12-2017, 08:41 PM
RE: Life
(04-12-2017 08:19 PM)Stoop Wrote:  
(04-12-2017 08:06 PM)jennybee Wrote:  *hugs* Well, I care what you have to say and so do several other people on here who responded to your previous thread that you created. There are a lot of jerks in the world no doubt, and I'm sorry you feel lonely. I hope you decide to give yourself a chance, kick any negative jerks to the curb, and give yourself a chance. I know that is easier to say than do particularly because I know you mentioned you suffer from depression. But you are worth a life and worth being happy, no matter what is going through your head right now. I hope you decide to talk to a therapist about it, it's too much for you to try and conquer all on your own. If you are having suicidal thoughts, I do urge you to call a help line. Suicide is exactly that-a final solution. Please don't let depression win. It doesn't get to.

If you are simply feeling sad and lonely tonight and just want someone to talk to, come to some of the threads in the Casual Coffeehouse. Lots of people to talk to in there and to become friends with.

I do appreciate your post and kindness, but your entire post is a prime example of how no one gets it. It's not just "a few jerks", it's everyone. Everyone disregards me, and I seem to not matter to anyone. I've come to the conclusion that it's not them, it's me. This is something I've been living at the nexus of my entire life. I live through it every day. The reason why I never try to reach out for help is because the only thing people can offer is platitudinous responses like yours. Not trying to sound rude. It's just the truth.

That's the best I can do on the internet. That's why I suggested you speak with a therapist or at the very least, a helpline. It sounds like you are dealing with a lot and I'm sorry about that. And no worries, I didn't find you rude.
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04-12-2017, 08:56 PM (This post was last modified: 04-12-2017 09:04 PM by Stoop.)
RE: Life
Talking about it won't help. Psyciatrists/therapists are some of the dumbest people on the planet. There's not a goddamn thing they can do for you. The entire field is a sham. They have no idea what suffering is actually like, and there's nothing beyond the superficial that they can learn or understand about you. And for that matter, no one could ever understand anything about my problems or situation . The only person with even a remote grasp on it is me. I'm 100% alone, and there's nothing and no one that can help me.
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04-12-2017, 09:23 PM
RE: Life
It must count for something that you bothered to post this and express your feelings. There must be some glimmer of hope there somewhere. Things could flip in an instant with the right person, it's not written in the stars that there not be somebody you hit it off with as friend or lover or whatever. Don't throw away at least the possibility and the opportunity things might turn your way. A year from now you might be thinking, man, a year ago, I can't believe how bummed I was...

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04-12-2017, 09:25 PM
RE: Life
On my way to work there are these three enormously tall towers off the side of the interstate. They must be a couple thousand feet tall. Every single day when I pass them I envision selling everything I own and taking an Uber out there one day, climbing to the top of one with a pistol, jumping off, then shooting myself in the head on the way down.

I really wish I were dead. I hate life so much I just wish I never existed. I'm not important anyway. The world will get up the next day and move right along just fine (better even) without me.
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04-12-2017, 09:34 PM
RE: Life
Are you looking for ideas and suggestions to make your life different, or do you prefer to express your frustration and know that people are hearing you? Either is okay, but it is helpful to know.
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04-12-2017, 09:45 PM
RE: Life
I would meet with a therapist asap.

Are you in the U.S.? https://www.nami.org/Find-Support
There is a drop down menu to the right and you can choose your state. Please get help.

"If you don't have a seat at the table, you're probably on the menu."

[Image: beb1339cfc76b95693fe0fd59c12ec05.jpg]
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05-12-2017, 12:59 AM
RE: Life
Stoop, congratulations on having the wisdom to sit back and look at your life, and to talk about it with people who might have clues. Even though this is a forum it's you I'm talking to, because there was this tree on the outside of a bend in the road after a long straight and it was already heavily scarred from impacts, and for a time I thought of it as my tree, my destiny.

On a moonlit night with nobody around I'd hurl my bike down that road and kill the headlights. There was a little dip in the road to let me know it was time to light up or die. One night I saw my mate John's bike ahead and flew past in the dark flat out and hit the air horns and he almost jumped off his Z1000. Hilarious. If you're not living on the edge you're taking up too much room.

Cops turned up at my door asking about him because he officially lived there and I said he was out. Turns out the cop knew him personally and bush-walkers had found his body and bike some distance from the road. I knew exactly what had happened, and you can imagine it too. He made that choice not to come back from the edge, closed his eyes and leaned forward. I got to tell the boss why John hadn't been showing up for work, and the bastard was writing an official report on how John couldn't even be bothered calling in sick. As I carried John's coffin to his grave there were a couple of things sprang to mind I might have done or said so he would still be here to play another day.

If I were to blame myself for contributing to his death I'd have to start a list, so no. James rode a bike same as mine in similar style and we both owned guns, legally. I carried him to his grave too after he shot himself in the head. It was drugs got me. I wasn't a regular user but way overdid it one time and woke up days later attached to machines. I'm not fond of near-death experience stories but I remember having a choice, go back now or go back later, and I came back. The quality of the experience is gone.

Frosty dropped in a while ago and we drank and smoked all night talking about death and dying and it was sometimes hilarious. He slammed his bike through a gap in a bridge railing and woke up drowning in a creek. It was a full moon and he just floated the fuck out of there, and it was good to get out of that busted body. Medics dragged him back but he was soon drowning again in the helicopter, choking on his own blood, and he was out of there again, away into the moonlight, but brought back choking and spewing blood.

The pointlessness of existence and the joy of release from this burden are well-kept secrets, and people make up no end of bullshit to keep themselves excited at the prospect of climbing out of bed yet again. Life becomes performance art, but that is a good thing if you're into it.

I've stepped back from the edge a bit, although you can still see it from my place, and since I still had a job I wrote a list of fun things to do. Surfing, windsurfing, sailing, water ski-ing, scuba diving, sky diving, car racing, travel, art, and I did these things. Women came and went, I fell in love a few times, got married once, got divorced and was living a happy, peaceful single-guy life when I woke up in a car wreck.

I went home in a wheelchair, got better, got fit and got a paraglider, and then a back-pack fan for it and flew over my place smiling.

This world is a spiritual Fun Park. Enjoy! Feel the lows, really feel them, but don't kill yourself or you'll just have to come back and get it right next time. Stay for the highs, even though we know they're just highs, like we give a fuck, just waves on the ocean, but there to be surfed.

If you climb that silo enjoy the view. Climb back down safely and contact your local paragliding school, do the training and go run off a cliff and fly away. Float in the sky with eagles. If you want perfect peace and personal empowerment go flying.

Just don't waste your life. It goes by fast enough and you'll be dead soon anyway.

Thankyou for being open and honest. I hope I've returned the favour.
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