Life
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05-12-2017, 02:13 AM
RE: Life
(04-12-2017 09:34 PM)julep Wrote:  Are you looking for ideas and suggestions to make your life different, or do you prefer to express your frustration and know that people are hearing you? Either is okay, but it is helpful to know.
I'm under no illusion that people are hearing me. People have never heard me or cared about me in the years I've been alive. I just barely qualify as human in people's eyes.
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05-12-2017, 02:36 AM
RE: Life
The problem with talking to people is that they have no goddamn clue what I'm saying. They don't know what it's like to be disliked by everyone. They're used to being normal and having it easy getting people to like them and seek their company. They don't realize that I'm ACTUALLY telling the truth here, and that life for me is not happy. I'm not likable or desirable. I have not one single thing to offer. I'm just better off dead.
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05-12-2017, 03:54 AM
RE: Life
(04-12-2017 07:43 PM)Stoop Wrote:  I'm not sure how to talk about this. It's all so complex that I don't even understand it all. The only thing I know is that I don't like life, I dislike virtually all people, and I feel absolutely alienated from everything and everyone. I remember feeling this way as far back as a young child. I always had a hard time making friends, getting people to notice and respect me, and ultimately navigating through daily life effectively. Everyone else seems to get on relatively well. They can make friends, people listen to them when they speak, they can get dates, people invite them to parties, their good attributes and accomplishments get recognized, etc... For me this has never been the case. I've come to the conclusion that I'm just a dud. No one really likes me, and no one really cares about me. I've never really had a friend, and I've never had a girlfriend. People never care what I have to say. Even when I put my best foot forward and try to be more outgoing, it just backfires. Everything I try to do backfires.

I'm to the point where I just don't really want a good life anymore. I just don't really want it anymore. I can liken it to going to a restaurant and sitting down at the table. You sit there ten minutes and nobody comes to your table. You see another party walk in behind you and the waiter goes directly to their table. You keep waiting and more people walk in after you and they all get waited on. Eventually you just say "hell with this. I don't even want it anymore," and get up and walk out. That's how I feel with life. I just want it to end so I can finally stop having to put up with the pain. Nothing really matters to me anymore and the desire is gone. I wouldn't want a good life even if you offered it to me at this point. I just want to be gone and for people to forget I ever existed (which shouldn't be difficult it seems). I just want it to be over.

I think the short answer here, is that nobody on this forum may be able to help, other than to suggest seeking medical advice.

For what it's worth, I'm personally just coming out of the tail end of depression and learning about the signs/symptoms, so I can manage it better. Knowing this information now, I know that I was chronically depressed for a very long time, and I get the feelings you're having: Feeling alone [despite, most likely having a potential support network around you; family/friends, yet you don't want to talk to them], the feeling of being unimportant [like anything you say/do doesn't matter], having a major dislike for basically ALL other people, and in some weird way feeling superior [Like you know something they don't] yet totally inferior to everybody you meet [like they have life in the bag and you're struggling despite everything else].

I get it, it's a hard road to walk, especially when you hold different views to the norm. Hell, If I was confident/smart/liked football and dressed like a complete twat, I might be living the big life now. But because I beat myself up about small things, dress like a 90's twat, think football is total shit, and have a hard time relating to other people, it's been hard to make friends/keep friends when things change in the world.

A hard truth to face for me once, is I once stood on a beach, alone, wondering if I walked out into the sea and killed myself....would anybody care/notice? It took me a long time to think about it, and to ultimately NOT do that, and get some fucking help.

Personally, i can only advise to see a doctor about your thoughts/feelings, so they can help; either through therapy or medication, which I know you may not think will help, but trust me when I say, it will. Therapy in particular is a two way street, you have to put effort in, but if you do, you learn a whole lot about yourself and in the process learn how to move forward.

When that is in the process of being sorted, my personal advise is just to get out of the house. Walking really helps me just chill the F out, and I don't have to be with anybody to do it either, because being alone is something I NEED at times. Even then, don't restrict it to walking, get on a train and travel. After spending some time out of my home town, I quickly realised that part of my issue with "people" is just my towns social culture. The town/city you're are in will differ from others, and you may find a place that is more friendly/welcoming. I'm not saying it's the answer to all your problems, but sometimes a change of scenery (be it at home/workplace or even place to live) really helps put things into perspective.

Anyway, I really hope you consider getting help, because I really do understand that at times, it doesn't compute that talking to another person or taking meds will help, but at age 29 and spending a good 10+years deep in the depression/anxiety hole, I can say it 100% helped me, and whilst I still have my up/down days, it's more up than down, and I know how to manage any issues I have.
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05-12-2017, 05:59 AM
RE: Life
(05-12-2017 02:13 AM)Stoop Wrote:  
(04-12-2017 09:34 PM)julep Wrote:  Are you looking for ideas and suggestions to make your life different, or do you prefer to express your frustration and know that people are hearing you? Either is okay, but it is helpful to know.
I'm under no illusion that people are hearing me. People have never heard me or cared about me in the years I've been alive. I just barely qualify as human in people's eyes.

Okay.

If you're not interested in advice or support--as it seems from the above--this would not be the appropriate section for this post, and the moderators can move it do a different section of the forum.
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05-12-2017, 06:36 AM
RE: Life
(04-12-2017 09:25 PM)Stoop Wrote:  On my way to work there are these three enormously tall towers off the side of the interstate. They must be a couple thousand feet tall. Every single day when I pass them I envision selling everything I own and taking an Uber out there one day, climbing to the top of one with a pistol, jumping off, then shooting myself in the head on the way down.

I really wish I were dead. I hate life so much I just wish I never existed. I'm not important anyway. The world will get up the next day and move right along just fine (better even) without me.

From what you have posted, it sounds like you live in a large city. Is that correct? People drive you nuts. You don't relate to them. They don't find you to be someone that they can relate to. There are quite a few people like that. Society tends to think that this is something that can be 'cured', but I am skeptical. We tend to think that happy people should hang out with other happy people, and that people who aren't so fortunate should hang out together. That doesn't work. Group therapy for misanthropes is probably the dumbest idea on the planet.

How 'married' are you to your job? Are you married? How set are you on maintaining your current standard of living? Are you willing to move? I am asking these questions because if you are a single person with no real responsibility to others, then you can pretty much check out of society without killing yourself. You might discover that this new way of living appeals to you.

One more question: Have you ever read 'Walden'? If you haven't, then you should.
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05-12-2017, 06:46 AM
RE: Life
Seek help.
Good luck.

[Image: barfly_condenados_pelo_vicio.gif]
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05-12-2017, 07:41 AM
RE: Life
(04-12-2017 07:43 PM)Stoop Wrote:  I'm not sure how to talk about this. It's all so complex that I don't even understand it all. The only thing I know is that I don't like life, I dislike virtually all people, and I feel absolutely alienated from everything and everyone. I remember feeling this way as far back as a young child. I always had a hard time making friends, getting people to notice and respect me, and ultimately navigating through daily life effectively. Everyone else seems to get on relatively well. They can make friends, people listen to them when they speak, they can get dates, people invite them to parties, their good attributes and accomplishments get recognized, etc... For me this has never been the case.

Why in the world would you want a girlfriend and want people to respect and care about you if you "dislike virtually all people"? I would think you would be delighted by your solitude.

If on the other hand you really do like to be around people, you need to lose the negative attitude toward them and toward yourself. Nothing turns other people off faster than an unending series of complaints, because people have enough troubles of their own.

People are very complex, so you have to see them as having both strengths and weaknesses. You should side with their strengths in such a way as to oppose their weaknesses. It's tricky, and you won't always be successful, but people can use all the help they can get. You aren't the only person struggling, and if you learn to help others you can help yourself too.
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05-12-2017, 08:07 AM
RE: Life
(05-12-2017 07:41 AM)Thoreauvian Wrote:  
(04-12-2017 07:43 PM)Stoop Wrote:  I'm not sure how to talk about this. It's all so complex that I don't even understand it all. The only thing I know is that I don't like life, I dislike virtually all people, and I feel absolutely alienated from everything and everyone. I remember feeling this way as far back as a young child. I always had a hard time making friends, getting people to notice and respect me, and ultimately navigating through daily life effectively. Everyone else seems to get on relatively well. They can make friends, people listen to them when they speak, they can get dates, people invite them to parties, their good attributes and accomplishments get recognized, etc... For me this has never been the case.

Why in the world would you want a girlfriend and want people to respect and care about you if you "dislike virtually all people"? I would think you would be delighted by your solitude.

If on the other hand you really do like to be around people, you need to lose the negative attitude toward them and toward yourself. Nothing turns other people off faster than an unending series of complaints, because people have enough troubles of their own.

People are very complex, so you have to see them as having both strengths and weaknesses. You should side with their strengths in such a way as to oppose their weaknesses. It's tricky, and you won't always be successful, but people can use all the help they can get. You aren't the only person struggling, and if you learn to help others you can help yourself too.

I think that you are being a little confrontational with him. I think that he is just one of those people who needs some solitude. I think that he is right about it being him, and not other people. But I think that he is wrong if he thinks that there is something wrong with that. I have sought solitude all of my life. I have single-handed a small sailboat all over the north Pacific, spending weeks at a time without seeing another human being. I have lived in remote camps in Alaska. I go on very long bicycle journeys where I camp out every night, and have almost nothing to do with other people. I get into passionate arguments with myself that almost come to blows. I need this. There are others like this. This guy who started this discussion might need something like this.
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05-12-2017, 08:42 AM
RE: Life
(05-12-2017 06:36 AM)Yonadav Kenyon Wrote:  From what you have posted, it sounds like you live in a large city. Is that correct?
No, I live way out in the country, born and raised. I've only been working in the city for the past 9 months. I commute.
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05-12-2017, 09:06 AM
RE: Life
(05-12-2017 08:42 AM)Stoop Wrote:  No, I live way out in the country, born and raised. I've only been working in the city for the past 9 months. I commute.

Have you ever considered moving to the city? If you lived there you might have more opportunities to interact with other people. And instead of worrying about whether others listen to you, it might help if you listen to them. Perhaps if you showed an interest in them they might become more interested in you.

If it could be demonstrated that any complex organ existed, which could not possibly have been formed by numerous, successive, slight modifications, my theory would absolutely break down.
Charles Darwin
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