Life, Death and the Stuff in between it all
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18-12-2016, 11:14 PM
Life, Death and the Stuff in between it all
I'm struggling to post this. What can I say? I guess I'll go for a slightly cryptic metaphor, that the reader can try to cypher.

I view life in an odd way, go with me on this, I feel life is very much like a giant beach party (California girl), and everyone I've ever known in my life and cared about is there with me. At some point, and no one can be sure when someone finds themselves no longer on the beach, but on a raft very close to the shoreline. We don't know when the raft showed up or when that person got onto it -- maybe it was there all along, buried under the sand and uncovered by the very low tide. It's like it's suddenly there. There's a rope, but we can't fasten it securely enough to any part of the raft and the person on the raft has to hold onto to it.

When my mother in law began having issues this summer and we feared dementia, she was suddenly on the raft, holding onto a long rope. The rope tethered her to us, but we were helpless to secure it better. We hoped that it would be something simple (as her doctors originally thought) and she'd soon rejoin us on the beach. That wasn't meant to be though. When the diagnosis became dire, final, she bravely chose to remain on the raft, keeping her hands on the rope, so she couldn't drift too far from us. The tide would pull her out a little ways and push her back to the shoreline where we all stood.

Now, it seems the tide has gotten her tiny craft, pulling it further out to sea, and it's become unlikely that it will return. The rope is right beside her but she can't hold onto it, eventually it will slip away.

We're left holding onto the other end, wishing we could do more but resigned that we cannot.

Our numbers over the years have diminished and now we worry when the next raft will suddenly appear and who will be on it.


But as if to knock me down, reality came around
And without so much as a mere touch, cut me into little pieces

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18-12-2016, 11:45 PM
RE: Life, Death and the Stuff in between it all
Your mother in law's story sounds very similar to my wife's grandmother's. She was a good woman and had a long and generally happy life. She had been gently drifting on the tide for some time before she suddenly and rapidly declined in May. All the family flew home fearing the worst, but she rallied strongly and was lucid and reasonably well they arrived. Then in August in about a week she slipped out over the horizon. Probably how she'd have wanted it. Had enough time to say her goodbyes but didn't linger in a home or hospital.

I can't tell you how sorry I am that you're suffering a loss like this. The best that I can do is to party so that the beach will never forget that I was here.

[Image: flip-flops-free-hugs.jpg]

---
Flesh and blood of a dead star, slain in the apocalypse of supernova, resurrected by four billion years of continuous autocatalytic reaction and crowned with the emergent property of sentience in the dream that the universe might one day understand itself.
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18-12-2016, 11:48 PM
RE: Life, Death and the Stuff in between it all
We go through the motions during these times because that is all that we can do. Our roles have been defined for us and it sucks. All we are left with is the way that we will board the raft, and if we will set sail and leave the shore far behind us, or try to hold on to the rope.
Hug
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18-12-2016, 11:56 PM
RE: Life, Death and the Stuff in between it all
That was a very apt analogy and I'm sorry this has to happen. My wife went through this a few years ago with her mom. I feel for you.

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----
Atheism promotes critical thinking; theism promotes hypocritical thinking. -- Me
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19-12-2016, 12:08 AM
RE: Life, Death and the Stuff in between it all
Hug

Sorry Moms. But... while she was there, she partied hard Smile So let's remember her well and tell the DJ to turn the music up louder and dance one more dance for her.

We'll love you just the way you are
If you're perfect -- Alanis Morissette
(06-02-2014 03:47 PM)Momsurroundedbyboys Wrote:  And I'm giving myself a conclusion again from all the facepalming.
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19-12-2016, 12:38 AM
RE: Life, Death and the Stuff in between it all
(18-12-2016 11:14 PM)Momsurroundedbyboys Wrote:  I'm struggling to post this. What can I say? I guess I'll go for a slightly cryptic metaphor, that the reader can try to cypher.

I view life in an odd way, go with me on this, I feel life is very much like a giant beach party (California girl), and everyone I've ever known in my life and cared about is there with me. At some point, and no one can be sure when someone finds themselves no longer on the beach, but on a raft very close to the shoreline. We don't know when the raft showed up or when that person got onto it -- maybe it was there all along, buried under the sand and uncovered by the very low tide. It's like it's suddenly there. There's a rope, but we can't fasten it securely enough to any part of the raft and the person on the raft has to hold onto to it.

When my mother in law began having issues this summer and we feared dementia, she was suddenly on the raft, holding onto a long rope. The rope tethered her to us, but we were helpless to secure it better. We hoped that it would be something simple (as her doctors originally thought) and she'd soon rejoin us on the beach. That wasn't meant to be though. When the diagnosis became dire, final, she bravely chose to remain on the raft, keeping her hands on the rope, so she couldn't drift too far from us. The tide would pull her out a little ways and push her back to the shoreline where we all stood.

Now, it seems the tide has gotten her tiny craft, pulling it further out to sea, and it's become unlikely that it will return. The rope is right beside her but she can't hold onto it, eventually it will slip away.

We're left holding onto the other end, wishing we could do more but resigned that we cannot.

Our numbers over the years have diminished and now we worry when the next raft will suddenly appear and who will be on it.

I know about this. It's like myself. I can see Dale on the horizon, and I try to reach him. But he remains on the horizon out of reach.

The human condition eh. I've been struggling with it all day.

Best wishes mum. Heart

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19-12-2016, 02:18 AM
RE: Life, Death and the Stuff in between it all
At work.

Hug

Heart
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19-12-2016, 07:32 AM (This post was last modified: 19-12-2016 07:45 AM by Dom.)
RE: Life, Death and the Stuff in between it all
Hug

It sucks.

As the years go by, various people you know well will get on that raft for various reasons. Some will fight, some will sail off into the sunset. Some will come back to the beach for a while, some will float off looking for peace.

It's one of the two things that suck about growing old. (The other is your own physical deterioration).

For you, letting go is the hardest. For them, it's often finding peace while everyone urges them to hold on longer.

What is really difficult for us to imagine is what the actual needs of the person on the raft are. Often throwing them a soft pillow is more helpful to them than throwing them a rope.

You will go through the pain of loss one way or another. It's important though not to confuse your own pain with their mind set. One's attitude towards one's own last journey changes fundamentally as one heads for that last ride.

You will find it a little easier to cope once you truly understand that death can be blissful peace for someone whose body is failing. The pain is all for the survivors. Grieving is all about you and the gap in your life, and not at all about the departed.

And, did I say that it sucks?

Heart

[Image: dobie.png]Science is the process we've designed to be responsible for generating our best guess as to what the fuck is going on. Girly Man
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19-12-2016, 09:53 AM
RE: Life, Death and the Stuff in between it all
Hug Sorry to see this.
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19-12-2016, 10:04 AM
RE: Life, Death and the Stuff in between it all
You know where to find me if you need to talk.

Heart

See here they are the bruises some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. - JF
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