Life and help
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28-05-2017, 08:18 PM
RE: Life and help
(28-05-2017 07:09 PM)JesseB Wrote:  And yea ya'll are strangers on the internet. Your words are nice but.... how do I put it.... Actions speak louder than words? A real friend is far more meaningful than an Imaginary friend? People get some very strong emotional investments in people they don't even know online, but for me... Just doesn't do it. Not saying I want everyone online to go away, just saying it's really not near enough. I've lived mostly alone my entire adult life and I generally function pretty ok usually so it's not that I'm unable to be alone with myself, and given the number of times I've had sexual partners I don't think it's a confidence issue.

When I was younger, I said to a friend that I was busy fixing myself so that I'd be good enough for a relationship. His response was that I had things backward, that we get into relationships because we need fixing (implying that being social was the cure, not the destination). I confess that I skimmed a lot of this, So I'm unsure whether your aloneness has to do with not having friends or if it has to do with not having someone with whom you are physically intimate. It sounded like a combination of the two. If that's the case, perhaps you might concentrate on just being social, period. Get involved. Do volunteer work. Get active in environments in which you can make friends of both types, and perhaps the social skills will follow. I don't imagine it will be a smooth ride, but not taking those steps may keep you stuck at the interaction level you are at.
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28-05-2017, 08:41 PM
RE: Life and help
(28-05-2017 08:18 PM)big green mouth Wrote:  
(28-05-2017 07:09 PM)JesseB Wrote:  And yea ya'll are strangers on the internet. Your words are nice but.... how do I put it.... Actions speak louder than words? A real friend is far more meaningful than an Imaginary friend? People get some very strong emotional investments in people they don't even know online, but for me... Just doesn't do it. Not saying I want everyone online to go away, just saying it's really not near enough. I've lived mostly alone my entire adult life and I generally function pretty ok usually so it's not that I'm unable to be alone with myself, and given the number of times I've had sexual partners I don't think it's a confidence issue.

When I was younger, I said to a friend that I was busy fixing myself so that I'd be good enough for a relationship. His response was that I had things backward, that we get into relationships because we need fixing (implying that being social was the cure, not the destination). I confess that I skimmed a lot of this, So I'm unsure whether your aloneness has to do with not having friends or if it has to do with not having someone with whom you are physically intimate. It sounded like a combination of the two. If that's the case, perhaps you might concentrate on just being social, period. Get involved. Do volunteer work. Get active in environments in which you can make friends of both types, and perhaps the social skills will follow. I don't imagine it will be a smooth ride, but not taking those steps may keep you stuck at the interaction level you are at.

If this is the case, then nothing can change until I find a way to leave this place. There's not exactly any opportunities for social (or employment) anywhere close by.

DLJ Wrote:And, yes, the principle of freedom of expression works both ways... if someone starts shit, better shit is the best counter-argument.
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28-05-2017, 09:00 PM
RE: Life and help
(28-05-2017 01:31 PM)JesseB Wrote:  If I block someone that's making me uncomfortable will it prevent them from seeing my posts?

It will prevent them from sending you personal messages. I don't know about the other effects, beyond you not being able to see their posts.
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28-05-2017, 11:46 PM
RE: Life and help
Is the way I think/express my thoughts really so abnormal?

DLJ Wrote:And, yes, the principle of freedom of expression works both ways... if someone starts shit, better shit is the best counter-argument.
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29-05-2017, 03:31 AM
RE: Life and help
(28-05-2017 01:31 PM)JesseB Wrote:  If I block someone that's making me uncomfortable will it prevent them from seeing my posts?

I don't think so, it stops you from having to see their posts but unless they block you I think your posts will still be visible.
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29-05-2017, 01:57 PM
RE: Life and help
It's a lot of shit you went through and that is what some of us just have. A life that, at least up to a point, simply consists of a nice neat row of piles of shit.
But you know what the great thing is?
The fact that, even without a therapy, you can change a lot of things in your life and shift it to something more positive. You said therapy hasn't worked for you so far and that is fine.
Seeking happiness has never worked for everybody. Our brains are not wired that way and while we can make changes in our thinking, nobody can be happy 24/7 (and it would be kinda freaky and exhausting too).

I am not sure what would help you to be honest. Probably an open ear that will listen without judgement. Maybe someone you can bounce some ideas and thoughts off, someone who can maybe make you see things from different angles and so on. If you don't have friends like that in real life, you still have us here. I can offer to listen, if you want to pm me, go ahead.

Generally what has helped me most of my life, to stay sane and work through different things, it was always just reflecting on everything. To use every quiet moment before sleeping or whatever, to just reflect on everything that happened that day. Things that annoyed me, things where I fucked up, etc. Just reflecting and being honest to myself. You'd be surprised how much you can learn about yourself and how much you can alter your own behavior just from being honest to yourself. Not saying you are not honest to yourself but in case you have not used your quiet moments to sit down and play with the things that work you up. Nothing can happen if you play through different scenarios in your head.
For example that nurse that raped you (let's just call that by its name, shall we). You already mentioned that she didn't listen to you, that she was going to fast, and that she didn't stop. You already mentioned that you couldn't do anything. But you can play with all the what if's in your head. You will probably still come to the conclusion that you were young and really there was nothing you could have done (rape victims for some reason are never taken serious on that). But once you played through all the scenarios that you can come up with and everything leads you to the same conclusion, at least you can make peace with it. It won't make better what happened to you, but you can come to the point of "ok this happened. this is how it impacted my life. I am aware of it. And I can finally move on."
And this approach can probably work with most everything that caused you trauma and distress in your life. It is a long rocky road that you have in front of you, my friend, but you can walk it and we are all here to catch you if you stumble.

You can also look into the concept of "mindfulness". It is a newer concept but the idea behind is to recognize the things in your life and how they are impacting you and simply accept that your feelings and emotions about things are okay. It is to recognize what you are going through and understanding yourself better. I like the concept generally. See if it is maybe something you like too?

Be well and take care of yourself.

"Freedom is the freedom to say that 2+2=4" - George Orwell (in 1984)
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29-05-2017, 02:05 PM
RE: Life and help
(29-05-2017 03:31 AM)adey67 Wrote:  
(28-05-2017 01:31 PM)JesseB Wrote:  If I block someone that's making me uncomfortable will it prevent them from seeing my posts?

I don't think so, it stops you from having to see their posts but unless they block you I think your posts will still be visible.

Let me jump in there because I actually work, and have been working, in social media for the past 4 years.
What blocking does depends a bit on the service you use but usually it is two way. If you block someone, then you won't see what they post and usually they don't see what you post either.
It depends on the service whether or not that person gets a notification or not. And it depends on the service what else happens (like can mutual friends / followers share something and then the blocked person sees it? stuff like that)
But generally when you block someone, they should also not see your stuff anymore.

"Freedom is the freedom to say that 2+2=4" - George Orwell (in 1984)
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29-05-2017, 02:36 PM
RE: Life and help
(29-05-2017 03:31 AM)adey67 Wrote:  
(28-05-2017 01:31 PM)JesseB Wrote:  If I block someone that's making me uncomfortable will it prevent them from seeing my posts?

I don't think so, it stops you from having to see their posts but unless they block you I think your posts will still be visible.

If you (general you) block someone, you can still read their posts (it just requires an extra step to do so). And if they haven't blocked you back, they can still easily read your posts and respond to them. The only way to be invisible to one person is to be invisible to all (that is, to stop posting).
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29-05-2017, 02:53 PM
RE: Life and help
(28-05-2017 01:18 PM)JesseB Wrote:  Thanks DLJ, and thanks to everyone else who commented.

I didn't share my story for hugs or sympathy (though it is nice and appreciated), more for me what I need are tools? Ideas? Understanding? If that makes sense. I'm not the type to cry very often, though when things stay this bad this long without an opportunity for change I do get a bit.... Compromised.... quick to outburst. I don't particularly like that. I don't feel myself when that happens.

I don't know, but the score was 32. I'm not sure how reliable some internet "test" would be. My parents took me to countless psychologists when I was younger and the only thing they could come up with was "Pervasive Development Disorder not otherwise specified" AKA they had no clue, they kept telling my mom I seemed healthy and normal but they couldn't deny I had no friends. All they'd do is say, "He's very intelligent, has a unusually strong sense of right/wrong, and is unusually empathetic for his age"

However you're totally right, while it's easy to know when a person is lying to me, and it's easy to pick up on emotions through tiny body language, it's still damn near impossible to understand what the fuck is going on inside peoples heads, like I've been working on this to the exclusion of almost everything else for as long as I can remember. Just a survival thing ya know. I can never seem to understand what's really motivating a person. To put it in a way I tend to say it, people are confusing and scary as fuck. They are emotional and irrational and that makes them all dangerous. At least from my perspective.

Like I can easily tell what a person is feeling based on tiny changes in the face, yet I have no fucking clue what it means or what they'll do as a result. One thing I do know no one seems to ever respond the way I would, so It's hard to anticipate even with all the data I collect......

PDDNOS can be a not-yet-classified as well as a no-clue dx. It's frequently made in cases where it's considered too early to diagnose a person with autism or one of the other non-neurotypical classifications, yet it's apparent that the person would benefit from some extra help. (My kid started out PDDNOS at around 4-5 and then had an evaluation at 8 that moved his dx to autism, for example.) You need an official diagnosis in most public schools in order to be eligible for extra services like speech or occupational therapy, social skills groups, etc.

Formal diagnosis as an adult, which many people do now: you may or may not benefit from it. If you did have a workup that produced a diagnosis, it could give you some tools to help you navigate socially and professionally. Or you might find that your own workarounds are better than the ones presented to you.
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29-05-2017, 03:11 PM
RE: Life and help
(29-05-2017 02:05 PM)Leerob Wrote:  
(29-05-2017 03:31 AM)adey67 Wrote:  I don't think so, it stops you from having to see their posts but unless they block you I think your posts will still be visible.

Let me jump in there because I actually work, and have been working, in social media for the past 4 years.
What blocking does depends a bit on the service you use but usually it is two way. If you block someone, then you won't see what they post and usually they don't see what you post either.
It depends on the service whether or not that person gets a notification or not. And it depends on the service what else happens (like can mutual friends / followers share something and then the blocked person sees it? stuff like that)
But generally when you block someone, they should also not see your stuff anymore.

Ah ok I was thinking he was talking about putting someone on ignore on this forum social media wise I've no idea as I don't use it.
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