Poll: Should I come out to my friends and family?
Yes, you deserve to live your life unafraid.
No, it is none of their business.
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Living a Double Life
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27-07-2015, 07:38 PM
RE: Living a Double Life
(27-07-2015 07:27 PM)carasaurus_wres Wrote:  
(27-07-2015 07:25 PM)pablo Wrote:  If you think being open about your atheism at work could have negative effect on your income, it might be best to keep quiet. Something to consider before coming out.

I don't think it would have negative effects on my career. Just on personal relationships. Which seem to be rocky to begin with. I feel like I'm wearing a mask and am having trouble getting close to people for that reason. But would revealing my true self only make things worse? I'm new to this state (Missouri) and feel like I just need friends. But I want to be open and honest with people. It feels very conflicting at the moment.

While coming out might not have a direct effect on your cereer from your employer, it could inadvertently create a less than optimal work environment for you with co-workers.
I'm not saying it will, and I'm not trying to be a drag or scare you. Just saying it's something to think about. Once it's out there it's out there, and this is your career you're talking about.
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27-07-2015, 07:40 PM
RE: Living a Double Life
(27-07-2015 07:36 PM)carasaurus_wres Wrote:  
(27-07-2015 07:32 PM)jennybee Wrote:  Maybe start slow with telling them bits and pieces of your personal life (minus the atheism). I think if you develop friendships with these women first, you will show them that atheism isn't a bad word. It will also make it easier to weave the topic of atheism into conversations.

Do you still live with your parents? If you do, you may want to wait until you get a place of your own. If you are living on your own, and telling them is important to you, then you should be true to yourself and your feelings. Just be prepared for questions (and a strong reaction) if they are quite religious. Go through different scenarios and questions in your mind and think about how you would answer them. You can use this technique for the people at work as well. It is scary thinking about various reactions to atheism, but if you are prepared, it can make things a lot less scary and a lot less intimidating.

Be yourself and be strong. You will be okay Smile

I don't live with my parents but I have recently developed a very strong relationship with both of them. I was not very close to them in high school or college and we fought a lot and now that I am graduated from school I feel like I don't want to screw things up. But I have to lie and pretend that I am still Christian, which is exhausting. Keeping my mouth shut, especially at work, is becoming more trouble than it's worth but that does't make me any less scared of what the social repercussions might be.

I've been afraid of letting others in, but maybe I should. Then I might be able to let people know more easily.

I think if you let people get to know you, it will definitely be an easier and more comfortable conversation re: atheism.

You could start the conversation with your parents by telling them that you are so happy you are closer with them---as such, it makes it easier for you to share with them who you really are as a person.
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27-07-2015, 07:40 PM
RE: Living a Double Life
Quote: Long story short, I offended her by saying that.

Then she's an idiot and you're better off not getting involved. If the others are the same or worse then screw all of them.

Do your work and let your boss appreciate you.


Or, you could try telling them you were a catholic but quit when the child abuse scandals broke. That should shut them up.

Atheism is NOT a Religion. It's A Personal Relationship With Reality!
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27-07-2015, 07:41 PM
RE: Living a Double Life
You probably won't find many other atheists until you make your atheism plain -- but it's been my experience that once you do, you realize there are a hell of a lot more of us than most folks know.
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28-07-2015, 04:39 AM
RE: Living a Double Life
If you've been in your position for a while and the other people in the office are still standoffish towards you, I'm not sure coming out as an atheist to them is going to make things better for you socially. That might trigger the Christian mania for conversion and get you a set of temporary friends with agendas. If you reject their conversion efforts, then some might actively turn on you.

Maybe a first step would be getting involved in more of the conversations they're having, at least the non philosophical ones, and reaching out more. Help someone with a project, find other common interests, etc., and then eventually come out once the friendship has been established.
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28-07-2015, 04:50 AM
RE: Living a Double Life
You are there to work or socialize ? Sadcryface2
It's none of their damn business. When they start in, start asking how many charitable activities the holy-rollers are engaged in. Ask how many of them serve meals to the homeless.

Insufferable know-it-all.Einstein God has a plan for us. Please stop screwing it up with your prayers.
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28-07-2015, 05:24 AM
RE: Living a Double Life
A suggestion...

You need to do a lot of ground work before announcing anything (i.e. telling one person and letting the rumour spread).

Start by having e.g. a copy of the Quran on your desk and flicking through it at lunch time.

Sooner or later someone might ask, "Are you a Muslim?", to which you reply, "No, I'm just fascinated by what other people believe."

Rinse and repeat with books on the Greek or Roman or Norse gods and books on Philosophy.

You will be creating an image for yourself as someone who is inquiring and knowledgeable and reflective. It then becomes easier to join conversations as a 'neutral expert' rather than an outsider who would be seen as a threat.

It will also be easier to ask questions like "why do you think/believe that?" because those questions will be heard as "please tell me more, I'm hungry for knowledge" rather than, "What?! Are you fucking serious?"

Wink

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28-07-2015, 05:44 AM
RE: Living a Double Life
Consider --- atheism really doesn't do anything for you in life.

The religious have a placebo effect with their belief. We, having no invisible buddy to ask for help - don't have that -- and frequently rely on other people too much.

Self reliance is the key here.

You might consider trying some stuff that puts you outside of your comfort zone - and build up your self confidence. Try to pick stuff that would be beneficial and not detrimental to yourself. (Like try rock climbing or running a marathon or taking college classes in astrophysics -- rather than "experimenting" with dope, drinking or other dumb shit)

Confidence is a better ally than an invisible buddy who rarely comes through when you need him.....

Keep at it -- you'll get it..

.......................................

The difference between prayer and masturbation - is when a guy is through masturbating - he has something to show for his efforts.
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28-07-2015, 05:47 AM
RE: Living a Double Life
I don't go out of my way to tell people I'm an atheist, but I don't hide it either. Most of the time it doesn't come up. I freaked out a bit over telling my parents - I didn't tell them for years - and in the end it was fine, although they still don't seem to get it.

For telling your parents, if you can show them that you're still the same person then... I think what people fear is that being atheist is gonna turn you into a crackhead evil murdering rapist - my own dear Mama, on the day that I told them, first question out of her mouth was "So why aren't you off murdering people then?" or words to that effect Laugh out load

Again, for telling your work colleagues... the *threat* is that they may think that you think their religion is stupid (which... is true, in my case, but I don't tell 'em that). As long as you can make it clear that you respect their right to believe whatever they like and won't be causing shit with them, they probably won't have a problem with it. I'd not make an announcement of it if I were you though, just... if it came up in conversation I'd let it slip that I was a heathen. You can use words like "I'm not religious" or "I'm not a believer" to soften the blow - somehow people do react rather strongly to the word atheist.

We'll love you just the way you are
If you're perfect -- Alanis Morissette
(06-02-2014 03:47 PM)Momsurroundedbyboys Wrote:  And I'm giving myself a conclusion again from all the facepalming.
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28-07-2015, 05:49 AM
RE: Living a Double Life
(28-07-2015 05:47 AM)morondog Wrote:  somehow people do react rather strongly to the word atheist.


I've always suspected that the "devout" believe atheism to be contagious...

Let's hope that for once, they're right...

Big Grin

.......................................

The difference between prayer and masturbation - is when a guy is through masturbating - he has something to show for his efforts.
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