Lost a friend over Christianity tonight
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02-08-2014, 06:24 AM
RE: Lost a friend over Christianity tonight
It hurts to say goodbye to a friend, no matter the way they leave our life. I'm sorry for your loss.


I agree with the others, you are better off for it.

I'm curious how your family reacted to his emails to them. Did they question you in regards to his claims or did they just wonder what is going on with your friend?


"Life is a daring adventure or it is nothing"--Helen Keller
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02-08-2014, 07:30 AM
RE: Lost a friend over Christianity tonight
(02-08-2014 06:24 AM)Bows and Arrows Wrote:  It hurts to say goodbye to a friend, no matter the way they leave our life. I'm sorry for your loss.


I agree with the others, you are better off for it.

I'm curious how your family reacted to his emails to them. Did they question you in regards to his claims or did they just wonder what is going on with your friend?

My nephew is an atheist, and he was just arguing with him about Islam. He sent him provocative posts denigrating the Muslims, when my nephew didn't go along with that extremist viewpoint he started denigrating him, saying how he didn't know what he was talking about.
My nephew was in Iraq for a year and met many Iraqis personally, enjoyed their hospitality and gracious attitudes. He knew they weren't the monsters my friend was making them out to be.
For him to condescend to him like that was really offensive and outrageous, my friend doubled down on his nastiness and contacted his mom (my sister) and started the same conversation. He insulted me, my nephew, my sister and her parenting skills and even threw in a snide reference about my fiance'.

My sister messaged me about his appalling behavior, she even told him he wasn't being a very good Christian. My sister is a Christian, so this was a fellow Christian telling him he was out of line, he just made more insulting comments after that. She blocked him, told me about it and I called her, I talked to my nephew about it earlier.

I am close to my sister and nephew, they viewed this as an alien from the outside assaulting our family- that's the way I viewed it as well. No friend behaves this way...

The tree of delusion is nourished by the vague promises and skewed perception of prayer. -The Inquisition

Using the supernatural to explain events in your life is a failure of the intellect to comprehend the world around you. -The Inquisition
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02-08-2014, 07:44 AM
RE: Lost a friend over Christianity tonight
(01-08-2014 09:20 PM)TheInquisition Wrote:  I've known this person most of my life, we grew up together. When I came out as an atheist, we had some vicious back and forths over religion on Facebook. He's fundamentalist and can't let things alone, he constantly posted disparaging things about atheists on his page, posting stupid and insulting scriptures. i put up with this for a couple of years, but today I found out he was contacting members of my family and saying disparaging things about me, about my family, my fiance'.
He sent demeaning messages to my nephew who served in Iraq and has PTSD, my nephew is atheist as well. He denigrated his service in the military, denigrated how my sister raised him. I've known him all my life, but he has used his religion as an excuse to judge and denigrate people.

I posted a message on my Facebook page and only shared it with his and my family, I wanted what he did made public to all those around him, I am enraged by his actions and have nothing but contempt for him now. Excuse me for venting, here is what I posted:

I don’t think it’s too much of a secret that I don’t believe in god. I re-evaluated my reasons for believing a couple of years ago and realized I just couldn’t continue in the Christian faith. It was actually a scary decision initially, since I had been told that hell awaits me, but I couldn’t pretend this religion made any sense to me anymore, this was a moment of honesty about who I was and it was not something I came to lightly.
I had conversations with my brother about this who seemed to show what a true Christian should do when someone doesn’t believe in Christian doctrine anymore- love, understanding, and acceptance.
I’ve also had a longtime friend with which I’ve had serious disagreements with on Facebook. I knew he was a fundamentalist and had a hard time with the path I chose, but I thought perhaps we could eventually agree to disagree and possibly have an adult conversation about our perspectives on god and philosophy at some point. I now know that this friend has been sending unsolicited hate-filled emails to my family members disparaging me, my nephew and even my fiancé.
This is beyond the pale, you have exemplified the worst aspects of what a so-called Christian is, you are no friend of mine sir.
This is my public repudiation of you and what your extremist beliefs represent, maybe someday you can learn about not just Christian love, but about being a decent human being.

Goodbye to you and your hate!


So there you have it, the end of a friendship that lasted for over 40 years because a person can't contain their hate for someone that doesn't believe as they do.
There was no response after I got back from seeing a movie this evening, I defriended him, but his wife and sister are still friends of mine. I will not tolerate a single disparaging comment from this person again.

Well done!

"Belief is so often the death of reason" - Qyburn, Game of Thrones

"The Christian community continues to exist because the conclusions of the critical study of the Bible are largely withheld from them." -Hans Conzelmann (1915-1989)
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02-08-2014, 08:07 AM
RE: Lost a friend over Christianity tonight
Sometimes we have to draw a line that we won't allow people to cross. Then we have to hold that line. Certainly not always an easy thing to do. Using religious belief to mask and okay hate isn't acceptable.

It's sad to lose a long-time friend but I don't think this person could be considered a friend any more anyway. It sounds like he was methodically killing that friendship for a while - you just pulled the plug.

I'm not anti-social. I'm pro-solitude.
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02-08-2014, 11:41 AM
RE: Lost a friend over Christianity tonight
I think you lost this "friend" a long time before you admitted it to yourself. Kudos to distancing yourself from all the hate in a classy manner.

We have enough youth. How about looking for the Fountain of Smart?
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03-08-2014, 08:55 PM
RE: Lost a friend over Christianity tonight
Personally I'd have approached the situation by employing the use of swear words, threats of violence and abusive language...

But your approach was good too.

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08-08-2014, 10:38 PM
RE: Lost a friend over Christianity tonight
I will spare you the ''that person was never your friend to begin with,'' because I've heard this told to me after losing two Christian friends, after I ''came out'' as an atheist. I think that for many religious people, they take it as a rejection of them. Religion often becomes one's identity, so in essence, it is a rejection of them, and really you're not doing any such thing.

Like all losses, you have to grieve this loss like any type of loss. There will be stages of anger, sadness, and then that will give way to peace. You will look back at the good times with the person, and move on with your day. We can't change people, only how we react to them...or don't. lol

Hugs for you. Sorry for the pain this has caused you, just the same.

The beauty of the heart, is the lasting beauty. - Rumi Heart
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10-08-2014, 12:54 AM
RE: Lost a friend over Christianity tonight
The town I grew up in has a long history of exemplary Military families and if he talked like that to anyone servicemen in my old hometown he'd walk with a limp for the rest of his life, Christian or not.
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12-08-2014, 07:33 AM
RE: Lost a friend over Christianity tonight
This is pounded into the heads of fundamentalist Christians. They are incredible snobs yet see it as gawd's wishes. None of them are respectful of the choices others make. I have found that many of them seemed to have had any happiness drained from them and chose to bring others down with them.
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12-08-2014, 07:59 AM
RE: Lost a friend over Christianity tonight
Regardless of issue, relationships are cost benefit. If one can live with differences without feeling like the life is being sucked out of them, or do not give the other ultimatums, then there is no reason to end a relationship. My mom and I as far as habits and politics are polar opposites, but our love of each other overrides our differences.

I have had to cut off people over different issues outside religion and even on religion. Each person in a relationship has the right to be themselves, it is unhealthy for either side to expect the other to bow to them. It is unreasonable to expect no differences and to always agree all the time.

My cut off point is when the person is sucking the life out of me and expecting me to be a clone of them or to always accept their behavior. I cut off a guy who said he would not have pot in his car if I was a passenger. I never told him I would not be his friend because he smoked. But merely because it was illegal in our state and I didn't want to risk legal trouble. I've cut other people off because they insisted on driving home from bars drunk with me as a passenger. The issue wasn't their rights, but their risk taking I simply wanted my own right to consent or handle it separately.

I did cut off my older brother because emotionally he sucked the life out of me and made everything a drama, including bible thumping. I still get along with my older sister who does not do that.

Nothing wrong with allowing others to be themselves, but it also is unhealthy to stay in a relationship if it is mentally draining you. You do not have to hold a grudge if you hit a point where you see no resolution. Sometimes people change and move on.

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