Lost my little brother
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22-10-2016, 11:46 PM
RE: Lost my little brother
Hug
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22-10-2016, 11:53 PM
RE: Lost my little brother
Such an unfathomable tragedy. I'm sorry, Thammuz.
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23-10-2016, 01:58 AM
RE: Lost my little brother
My condolences, there is little else I can ssy.

Tomorrow is precious, don't ruin it by fouling up today.
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23-10-2016, 08:39 AM
RE: Lost my little brother
Never met you, but so very sorry for your loss.

Need to think of a witty signature.
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23-10-2016, 09:15 AM
RE: Lost my little brother
(22-10-2016 05:09 PM)Thammuz Wrote:  It's been a year or more since I came here, but considering the situation, I couldn't really think of an alternative, even though I have friends and family supporting me.


I lost my younger brother yesterday. He committed suicide, only hours after we last spoke and laughed and made plans to go out next week. He left a wife and a 4yo daughter. And he left me... He was a 30yo navy petty officer and he died alone in his quarters on base, without leaving a note or even the slightest trace that might explain his decision.

As an atheist, I don't have the delusion that he is 'in a better place', 'playing with the angels' or 'shining as a special little star in the sky'. For me, he's just gone, forever.

I always thought that we had a special relationship and that we could share anything. He lived in a house right across the street from me, so we saw each other a lot. And still, I didn't see it coming. I never suspected the slightest thing until it was too late.

He was always the optimist and the fun one, and he had way more friends. I'm much more serious, lost most of my friends while obtaining my university degree as a working student, and I have depressive tendencies combined with a somewhat cynical personality. He was my mother's favorite ever since he was born as a breech baby with club feet. He was somewhat frailer, needed more attention in school, had asthma (but still managed to join the navy), almost died of pneumonia as an infant, but he was a cute little guy that everybody loved, including (and especially) me. I didn't care that she made his sandwiches many years after I already made my own, because that's a perk of being the youngest. I was never really jealous, because he would smile at me and I would love him for it.

I taught him to walk, ride his bike, play on the Nintendo... about everything. And sure, we fought a lot like brothers do, but we loved each other and were always there for one another. He joined the navy 2 years after me and we had really fun times together during our service period together, like our youth would never end.

He found a really beautiful wife and they got an equally beautiful daughter together. I got a son with my girlfriend last year. Our kids played together during a family reunion last weekend, we shared a nice meal, talked, joked, laughed, discussed politics... just your normal family meeting.


All that ended yesterday... Everything I've experienced with him for the last 30 years seems like a lie now. I wasn't there for him when he needed me most. He didn't ask for my help. He didn't even give me a hint. He didn't leave a reason why. I could have given him all my spare time, my money, those things weren't an issue. If he wanted to leave his wife for some reason, I have a spare bedroom with facilities and privacy, he could have stayed as long as needed and I would have done everything to get him back on his feet.

He didn't share his motive and he didn't ask for my help.

He died alone, hanging from a rope, in the military barracks where he stayed 1-2 nights a week. And I wasn't there for him... And I just wondered what he was thinking those last moments...


I can't look at my own son without seeing his face, my baby brother, because they look so much alike. I couldn't utter a single word at the funeral home today. I'm a 198cm tall port authority officer that has to make tough calls all day with arrogant and aggressive people and I have to be confident in doing so. Now I cry when I see the slightest reminder of him, which is about everything and everywhere. And I'm so mad, and I feel so so guilty for not being there for him. I would spend all my savings and give away my house just to know why he did what he did.

And the worst of all is, he's gone. No afterlife, no friendly ghost, no reincarnation as a deity with own personal planet. he's just completely gone forever and I can't do anything about it... And I don't know how to go on from here. Everything seems like a huge lie...

You aren't responsible for another human's action.
You were there for him but you can't be a mind reader.
And it is ok to be mad at him.
Suicide doesn't end the pain, it just transfers it to others.

Just be there for your family.
My sincerest condolences.
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23-10-2016, 10:04 AM
RE: Lost my little brother
I'm so saddened to hear of this my friend. And I know that words can't do justice to my feelings, but please know that my thoughts are with you right now.

I'm a creationist... I believe that man created God.
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23-10-2016, 01:27 PM
RE: Lost my little brother
Thanks for the support, all. Not sure where to go from here, but time doesn't stop, so I'll just see where I land in the end.

See you all around.

"Infinitus est numerus stultorum." (The number of fools is infinite)
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23-10-2016, 01:53 PM
RE: Lost my little brother
(23-10-2016 01:27 PM)Thammuz Wrote:  Thanks for the support, all. Not sure where to go from here, but time doesn't stop, so I'll just see where I land in the end.

See you all around.

Go well. We will be thinking of you.

We'll love you just the way you are
If you're perfect -- Alanis Morissette
(06-02-2014 03:47 PM)Momsurroundedbyboys Wrote:  And I'm giving myself a conclusion again from all the facepalming.
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23-10-2016, 03:40 PM
RE: Lost my little brother
(22-10-2016 09:16 PM)KUSA Wrote:  I really feel bad for you. What an awful thing to be burdened with.

I don't understand why there weren't any indicators of why he did it. Don't most people leave a note or give clues beforehand? Hopefully you will find some answers and one day peace.

Most leave a sign, though it's often only obvious in hindsight bias.

I've lost more of my (proverbial) brothers to suicide than to the enemy. Some showed signs, some didn't. Heck I've probably showed signs.

'Murican Canadian
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23-10-2016, 05:44 PM
RE: Lost my little brother
(23-10-2016 03:40 PM)yakherder Wrote:  
(22-10-2016 09:16 PM)KUSA Wrote:  I really feel bad for you. What an awful thing to be burdened with.

I don't understand why there weren't any indicators of why he did it. Don't most people leave a note or give clues beforehand? Hopefully you will find some answers and one day peace.

Most leave a sign, though it's often only obvious in hindsight bias.

I've lost more of my (proverbial) brothers to suicide than to the enemy. Some showed signs, some didn't. Heck I've probably showed signs.

Don't you go doing that shit! Angry Go sledgehammer a punkin or something, instead.
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