Love/Hate thing about arguing with my grandmother
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02-12-2012, 02:54 PM (This post was last modified: 02-12-2012 02:57 PM by Percepticon.)
Love/Hate thing about arguing with my grandmother
I'm not at all close to my paternal grandmother but somehow feel obliged to make an effort to retain some small semblance of a relationship with her. She's in her 80's, lives alone in rural Indiana but has 5 sons, 4 of whom live close enough to her, has been a Southern Baptist since before she was conceived...aside from her overall ignorance and the crazy-stupid ideas she has, she's a good person in general.

Where our communication goes, the pattern seems to be this: I write a letter consisting of neutral topics that we might both enjoy. She sends a letter barely acknowledging my letter, and talking about how my sexuality and my choice of (non)religion is wrong, and what I should do about it. I reply, politely yet firmly explaining that this is who I am, she is who she is, we'll always disagree on this, so instead of discussing these things, let's talk about other things we can both enjoy discussing, which are plentiful. She doesn't reply. After awhile, I start over, writing a letter that doesn't include the hot-button issues. My last letter, several months ago, was a response to her letter, and in it this time I did very plainly but politely ask her to stop sending me messages about changing my sexuality and (non)religion, and invited her again to topics of mutual enjoyment. No response.

About a month ago, I wrote again. I updated her on what's new at work, how my cat-kids are, Sandy and the devastation and the heartwarming ways everyone is helping everyone else, my mom's new job and how happy I am for her, how I hate the earlier nightfall and would be out looking at the stars more often if I lived in a rural area...ya' know, just talking....

So we'll see what, if anything, comes back. I think my last letter (from months ago) was unmistakably clear in saying, "please, stop this" so that if again she continues on with it, any further effort on my part would constitute insanity, "doing the same thing over and over again, while expecting a different result."

And yet, there's a part of me that also wants her to write another oppositional letter, so I can refute her again. More insanity. I refuse to speak to her by phone most of the time because I get annoyed the moment she brings up religion & end up wanting to hang up anyway. That actually was initiated before I was an atheist, when I called her in 2009 to say Happy Thanksgiving and she asked if I'd changed my mind about liking girls (as if it were so simple!). "No ma'am," I replied. "Well, when you're about to die, you'll wish you had."

Christmas is coming, which means I'll probably get a Christmas card from her sometime just before or just after the New Year. It's sick that I simultaneously anticipate and dread her letter.

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Love/Hate thing about arguing with my grandmother - Percepticon - 02-12-2012 02:54 PM
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