Love for an ex.
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02-03-2015, 11:17 AM
Love for an ex.
So I've been with my wife for over 3 years and married for just under a year(June makes a year) and I really couldn't imagine a better match for myself. Now this isn't me saying have feelings still for an ex or want to be with her. Quite the opposite. I'm just basically getting this off my chest and on paper(for lack of a better term).

So my ex was someone I had met during my time in technical training for the air force. She went to the local university the base was located. After my training the relationship continued for about a year or so with us seeing each other every few months. Now after about a year I broke it off due to suspicion of her cheating. For the next few months she basically made me feel guilty for this accusation so I started to come around and was trying to get past this assumption. Then out of nowhere she actually admits to the cheating. Gasp So likewise that was the end of that.

So why the title love for an ex???

Well it's not the same sort of love that I have for my wife or anything but its like more of a friendship type of love. Basically if she really did need my help I wouldn't hesitate(depending on what it was of course). Before we were a couple we were friends so that part is still there. Now I will add that I have no contact with this person. Yet I still feel guilty for the thought of still having respect and platonic love for an ex.

I know total bullshit right? Same thing I was thinking at first which was really scaring me at first. Then I realized something of course I love my wife and of course I made the right choice walking away. Around the time of this break up I was just coming to terms with my atheism and guess who was a hardcore christian...my ex. So apart from the trust being going in a romantic relationship she also was a christian so it would've never have worked anyway. This is how I know that part of our relationship is over and friendship is as far as it goes.

Side track here because this popped into my mind. Around the time me and my now wife got together I still had minimal contact with my ex(How's school going, You still alive, cool, etc.) Now once things got serious I had literally no contact with my ex. Last we talked we brushed over the subject of me being an atheist. Out of nowhere she has the nerve to message me about my atheism basically saying it was a phase and basically preaching to me about how it's wrong. Isn't ironic that the person who cheated on me turns out to be so christian and has to nerve to try to preach at me. Undecided

ANYWAY!

I just...I dunno just wanted some feedback on this. Don't spare any punches.
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02-03-2015, 11:39 AM
RE: Love for an ex.
I think your feelings are common. Many people go thru life with the acceptance that a relationship is over without animosity. I am sure there were hurt feelings initially but you have got over them and realized that life is ok without her being a significant other in it. Thumbsup Yay for maturity!

The fact that you were friends before lovers and in the end hold no ill will now is why you would still help her if she needed it, because deep down you are a good person who cares for the people in your life whether they be friend, neighbor, former lover, or current spouse. I am betting you would do as much for her if needed as you would for many other people in your life.


"Life is a daring adventure or it is nothing"--Helen Keller
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02-03-2015, 12:12 PM
RE: Love for an ex.
Oh, I am still friends with a couple of exes and was so during 30 years of marriage to someone else. Hubby didn't have a problem with them coming over for dinner longs as they brought the wine or something. They all became friends. There was nothing romantic about any of it, we were just people who knew each other well and cared about each other.

I don't see what's wrong with that, although I know that probably most men would have been bothered by it.

Yay for hubby! Thumbsup

[Image: dobie.png]Science is the process we've designed to be responsible for generating our best guess as to what the fuck is going on. Girly Man
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02-03-2015, 12:26 PM
RE: Love for an ex.
Marriage need not be about ownership. We can't just shut down to 50 percent of human beings, especially those we've cared for. But until you and your wife can reach agreement about that, you have to play the pretend 'you're the only one for me' game.
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02-03-2015, 02:02 PM
RE: Love for an ex.
(02-03-2015 12:26 PM)freetoreason Wrote:  Marriage need not be about ownership. We can't just shut down to 50 percent of human beings, especially those we've cared for. But until you and your wife can reach agreement about that, you have to play the pretend 'you're the only one for me' game.

Yeah and this person in particular she doesn't like anyway so that coupled with the fact that it's only been a few months of marriage will keep me playing that game.
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02-03-2015, 03:19 PM
RE: Love for an ex.
(02-03-2015 12:12 PM)Dom Wrote:  Oh, I am still friends with a couple of exes and was so during 30 years of marriage to someone else. Hubby didn't have a problem with them coming over for dinner longs as they brought the wine or something. They all became friends. There was nothing romantic about any of it, we were just people who knew each other well and cared about each other.

I don't see what's wrong with that, although I know that probably most men would have been bothered by it.

Yay for hubby! Thumbsup

Had thought of starting a new thread but it seems to fit in here.
Some 43 years ago I was bi and involved in a 13 months gay relationship.
Felt some guilt, it ended, and things moved on........
Last year my friend contacted me on face book.
Yesterday Imet him again for the first time since the late sixties.
It was at his son's house (age 41) and gay too, as is his daughter.
His marriage ended in divorce after 11 years,. They are still friends.
Quite a moving encounter; yes love does conquer all.
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02-03-2015, 05:11 PM
RE: Love for an ex.
It could be worse.... My ex did a drive by on the house. I know it was her - because she's the only one I knew who had a 36 caliber blackpowder pistol at the time..... I found a ball lodged in the window frame -- the trajectory indicated it was on an upward angle -- meaning it was shot from the road grade from a vehicle........

I never even bothered to report it...The ball had probably been there for a few months. She never could shoot for shit anyway.......

Funny part???? When we got divorced - she had a restraining order against me..... No reason given.... Go figure...

.......................................

The difference between prayer and masturbation - is when a guy is through masturbating - he has something to show for his efforts.
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