Making yourself understood
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02-01-2012, 03:01 PM
Making yourself understood
A few points:

I once read that very intellegent people sometimes have difficulties making themselves clear because their jumps of thoughts are logic to them but to noone else.

Also "special needs people" are often difficult understood when they think they make complete sense.

Also under strong medication or drugs you think you make sense when you are talking but noone will understand you really.

And the simple minded people, those of low intelligence often say things that are not logic at all but they think they said something smart.

-----------

I have a problem.

I don't think I am very smart or stupid, I am also not under medication or anything special but sometimes things that seem completely clear to me, I can't really voice them.

I just tried to explain that to my hun but I failed miserably.

I want to explain how thoughts are in my brain and would like to find out if anyone has the same problem and an idea how to actually solve it.
I do not have that all the time but I have it lots of time and it starts bothering me because it is frustrating when people do not understand what I am saying.

So here I go (trying to stay clear):

I have a thought or an opinion or an idea or whatever it is. So I want to tell what it is and here comes the first problem.
The second I want to open my mouth and just say it the idea gets bigger. Details are added and I rethink and I start to talk.
I have twenty things to say and want to address them all and I try to shorten my speech and I start at a weird point in my idea. (Actually I have that problem right now as I am typing).
So I try to restart the whole thing, I want to explain by starting at another point.
When I find the good starting point and I talk I squeeze in all the information as it comes to my mind but apart from me noone can make the connection between the thoughts (unless the person knows me or is on the same wavelength).

In writing it is all so easy.
You type what you want and then you give it order.
But in real life, talking to people... Sometimes I just decide to stop talking, I say things like "ah well... whatever" or "That was a stupid idea"... it is frustrating to get the odd looks that say "what the hell are you talking about?!"
Is it really so difficult to understand me?
And what adds to it, I have problems focussing on stuff, so when someone interrupts I have a real problem.

It is not like I lack vocabulary, grammar, or knowledge... I feel really stupid when that happens


Any input on this? Ideas? Links where I can find stuff? (I don't even know what to google for in this case)

"Freedom is the freedom to say that 2+2=4" - George Orwell (in 1984)
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02-01-2012, 03:40 PM
RE: Making yourself understood
I have trouble eloquenting (if such word exists) myself with writing.........I think that partly why I do the "........" thing.

Its only my opinion of course Leela but do you think that maybe you have taught yourself to see it as a problem.........it is easy to focus on what we see as negative aspects and with repetition of thought we can empower them.

Do you know where it stemmed from??? Can you remember the first few occasions of it happening and what you thought about it at the time........is there a reason for you thinking this way, with that I mean did you notice it by people saying something to you or was it an observation made by yourself in comparison to others???

For no matter how much I use these symbols, to describe symptoms of my existence.
You are your own emphasis.
So I say nothing.

-Bemore.
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02-01-2012, 04:01 PM
RE: Making yourself understood
I know how you feel. I think. Well, maybe. I'm not sure.

It was just a fucking apple man, we're sorry okay? Please stop the madness Laugh out load
~Izel
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02-01-2012, 04:01 PM
RE: Making yourself understood
I just notice when people obviously do not understand. Dunno when I noticed that first and as I said I don't have that all the time. But it starts getting on my nerves that I have to rephrase over and over again and explain and still get that look. Sometimes I just shrug, "forget it, not important" even if it is for me.

"Freedom is the freedom to say that 2+2=4" - George Orwell (in 1984)
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02-01-2012, 04:11 PM
RE: Making yourself understood
(02-01-2012 04:01 PM)Leela Wrote:  I just notice when people obviously do not understand. Dunno when I noticed that first and as I said I don't have that all the time. But it starts getting on my nerves that I have to rephrase over and over again and explain and still get that look. Sometimes I just shrug, "forget it, not important" even if it is for me.

I think whats funny is that you can talk to people and they say they understand but you have no guarantee that they do..........I think we all understand things in our own way.........I am writing this with certain thoughts in mind and you are going to read it and interpret it in your own way...........I have no guarantee you can "empathise".

The video I allways use when describing communciation.





It is one of the most frustrating things though when we feel we are not heard or understood.

For no matter how much I use these symbols, to describe symptoms of my existence.
You are your own emphasis.
So I say nothing.

-Bemore.
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02-01-2012, 05:18 PM
RE: Making yourself understood
I watched the clip. I am not sure that this is the same I am describing.

When I was in college I was selected to be a tutor. And all of the selected people attended a seminar that was mostly about learning patterns and communication. So basically I absolutely know how to comunicate things to other people clear so they understand what I am saying. When it is important I will tell you exactly how to draw a circle in oder for you to know what I talk about when I talk about a circle.
The situations when I get frustrated when it is really not the other persons fault. It is when my brain bounces from here to there because it is too hyper to stay simple and I can't make it stop because all the things I wanna say want to get out now all at the same time while I am trying to keep them in order while talking. I am not even sure if it comes out like this.

I remember a situation here in the Forum, Malleus wrote a long post in the thread about Facebook preachers, and someone (Erxomai?) was thanking him for saying those things so clear because he wasn't able to say them like that for a long time. (something like that)
I feel like that sometimes, I feel I need someone to translate those things (the complicated things because these are the ones I have problems communicating about) into a clearer language.

I have an example from my experience. I applied somewhere. The lady who prepared me for the interview (it was via an agency) went through the questions I might be asked. We came to a point where there would be a logical question. She explained to me that the thought process is interesting when I answer that so I should pay more attention to saying how I come to the solution. So she asked me a question "how many golf balls fit into an office?" And I started thinking. I thought about the size of the office and about furniture and how much space would be left and if I would be allowed to make the balls square to fit or if they had to stay round etc etc... And I thought and thought and I didn't know where to start talking. So I started about the size of the office and what exactly would be in the office and I described and described. It took 5 minutes until I solved it because I didn't stop telling every little thought about the golfballs and the office when the solution would have been much easier and clearer.

Maybe I tend to see things more complicated than they are? At least judging by that example.... oooh I guess I got it...

ok so now how solve that? Big Grin

"Freedom is the freedom to say that 2+2=4" - George Orwell (in 1984)
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05-01-2012, 02:34 PM
RE: Making yourself understood
I have the same problem--you had me at the second paragraph. We all think faster than we can verbalize.

Sometimes I blurt things out and get great big blank stares. Luckily my husband understands me. What I think I'm doing is forgetting that the words I am thinking are not being said, and I complete a sentence as if the things I know were expressed. Sometimes I assume too much of others, as if they obviously know things I do not.

I don't think you're autistic or impaired. You just need to keep being aware of this. Keep it in mind. Practice.
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05-01-2012, 04:11 PM
RE: Making yourself understood
This is a huge problem for me. When I speak verbally I find it difficult to express myself well. There are either too many ideas floating around for me to know where to start (and I start in the wrong place, have to backtrack, cause confusion, and eventually give up too), or else I get hung up trying to remember a word that slipped my mind. It drives me crazy and I feel stupid when that happens.

It happens more when I get worked up- angry, frustrated, excited, etc.
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05-01-2012, 04:37 PM
RE: Making yourself understood
I have a similar problem. I have schizophrenia, and have auditory hallucinations. Often they are voices talking. I don't mistake them for real voices, but at the same time, when I am trying to articulate something, and at the same time hearing other, irrelevant words, my own words can come out jumbled. At times I will even combine two sentences, and say them at once, alternating the words. And I don't even realize it is happening. It is frustrating. Especially when I have something important to say.

But, strangely enough, most people think I am very well spoken. That I share my ideas clearly. That's because I have a secret. I talk to myself. A lot. I mean I REALLY talk to myself a lot! When I have an idea that I want to develop, I have a long conversation with myself about the idea. By the time I am done, I can see what points are unclear, and what order to put the points into, to make the concept make sense. Until I actually say something, I just don't know if it will make sense, so I say it before trying to say it to someone else.

Yes, I am that crazy guy at the grocery store, who seems to be arguing with no one in particular. But I really don't care what the other patrons think, so I just go on hashing things out in my head, so that later I can explain them to the people that do matter.

Writing things out (which has been suggested to me before, and I gave it a good try) just doesn't seem to work. I think it's because I use a different part of the ole noggin when I am trying to articulate an idea verbally.

So many cats, so few good recipes.
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05-01-2012, 04:51 PM
RE: Making yourself understood
heh I am talking to myself too, not a lot but i mumble around here and there. Even at work Big Grin I mean I can stare at the screen at work and tell it to "stop that now!" in very frustrated way Big Grin

But ontopic: Feels good to know that I am not crazy that way and that others have that problem, too.

And Stark Raving You should move to ireland, lots of people talk to themselves on the street (or store or where ever) here, or sing, grin, whistle. Common here, noone will looke at you weird Smile

"Freedom is the freedom to say that 2+2=4" - George Orwell (in 1984)
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