Marriage
Post Reply
 
Thread Rating:
  • 0 Votes - 0 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
11-10-2010, 12:41 PM
Marriage
I posted something similiar to this many months ago, but I want to bring it back up.

Personally speaking, I think marriage is outdated. The divorce rates are high usually fluctuating between forty to fifty percent in the United States. Also, if you add seperation then you get 60 percent of married couples either ending in divorce or seperation. In addition, if you want to add unhappily married coupled then the chances of a couple, in the United States, of either divorcing, seperating, or being unhappily married are at 92 percent. A professor told me this, and I looked at the internet and it backs him up well.

Marriage has changed over the last few hundred years starting at simply being means for business and economic gains. Such as gaining more property. I have heard that fact for a while. My point being the reason it is around today is not in any way related to the reason it started as an institution.

We are becoming a more individualistic society. Relying more on ourselves. Especially women are becoming more individualistic. People in general are taking better care of themselves. I personally, don't want to even think about getting a wife until I am in my late twenties, early thirties, or I may end up staying single.

Child bearing is not an issue. Divorced couples have been able to do it, so that is not a counter argument.

My solution is that if two people want to live together, let them do it, but they don't need to get married. They may even feel happier since they wont feel locked down. They would feel as if they have more freedom. The only difference between a married couple and a couple simply living together is that the married couple had a wedding one day, and feel tied down with divorce being the only way out rather then simply being able to walk out of the house or apartment.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
11-10-2010, 01:18 PM
 
RE: Marriage
That is the sentiment of Bill Maher, who believes that love is love, and it is not necessary to bring the government (or religion for that matter) into your union.

The only problem is the increased benefits you get from being a couple, but if that can be a resolved, I agree. Although there is the quintessential "get married and have a few kids" dream.
Quote this message in a reply
11-10-2010, 01:42 PM
 
RE: Marriage
I was thinking that religous marriage aside (cause that will always be) couples could if the with finacially merge. This would be a simple business agreement to protect couples who choose to be a sigle income family or really anyone who wants to invoke it. It would proctect the parties much the same way marriage does, and allow joint tax filing etc... However if they choose not to then divorce is simple, "your on your own!" If children are invloved custody would be determined and both parties will be equally finacially responsible (if they are not legally joined).
Quote this message in a reply
11-10-2010, 04:12 PM
 
RE: Marriage
I think the inducement of marriage, besides wide eyed starry eyed love that makes it seem realistic to commit to one and only forever, is that it affords monetary benefits, that the single person doesn't enjoy. And while it may be realistic to the young couple that believe at the outset they can live together for a great many decades to come, forsaking all others till death comes to either or both of them, the reality of that proposal is quite something else indeed. As adultery very often proves.

However, it's not realistic to think the institution itself will ever fall away. Especially when the headlines lend evidence the far right faithful crowds are willing to defend it against gays gaining access, even when it means violating the inalienable rights assured under the Constitution.

As it stands, if I had it to do all over again knowing what I know now, I'd never get married. I find that marriage and fidelity for as much as 50 years, depending on how old one is when they enter into marriage, are unrealistic. (That doesn't mean I'm a slut and married. It means I'm a realist and married! Ha!)
Quote this message in a reply
11-10-2010, 05:36 PM
RE: Marriage
I'm married 13 years as of November 2 and I still very much love my wife, consider myself happily married and do not anticipate us ever breaking up. I can honestly say I've never cheated on my wife, and it's not because there were not opportunities to do so. To the best of my knowledge, my wife has never cheated on me. My parents have been married for 46 years as of this past August and, to the very best of my knowledge, have always been faithful to each other. Both sets of my grandparents were "death till us part", my father's parents being married just shy of 50 years when my grandfather died and my mother's parents being just shy of 60 years when my maternal grandfather died. So, for me, I've always seen marriage in its ideal form. My parents had fights, of course, but as a general rule they have always gotten along and spend most of their free time together (although they will go out with friends separately). My wife and I were the same.

From my perspective, marriage - in the sense of a commitment - is not an outdated concept. And, if you think separate parents don't have a negative impact on the kids, I think you're kidding yourself. I think the issue is not so much that marriage is "out" as much as selfishness and narcissism is "in".

Btw, all that said, if something did happen and my wife died or we split up, I would probably note get married again. I've enjoyed being married but I'm in my 40s now and I can't imagine starting from scratch with someone new.

Shackle their minds when they're bent on the cross
When ignorance reigns, life is lost
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
11-10-2010, 06:56 PM
 
RE: Marriage
(11-10-2010 05:36 PM)BnW Wrote:  I'm married 13 years as of November 2 and I still very much love my wife, consider myself happily married and do not anticipate us ever breaking up. I can honestly say I've never cheated on my wife, and it's not because there were not opportunities to do so. To the best of my knowledge, my wife has never cheated on me. My parents have been married for 46 years as of this past August and, to the very best of my knowledge, have always been faithful to each other. Both sets of my grandparents were "death till us part", my father's parents being married just shy of 50 years when my grandfather died and my mother's parents being just shy of 60 years when my maternal grandfather died. So, for me, I've always seen marriage in its ideal form. My parents had fights, of course, but as a general rule they have always gotten along and spend most of their free time together (although they will go out with friends separately). My wife and I were the same.

From my perspective, marriage - in the sense of a commitment - is not an outdated concept. And, if you think separate parents don't have a negative impact on the kids, I think you're kidding yourself. I think the issue is not so much that marriage is "out" as much as selfishness and narcissism is "in".

Btw, all that said, if something did happen and my wife died or we split up, I would probably note get married again. I've enjoyed being married but I'm in my 40s now and I can't imagine starting from scratch with someone new.

In that respect, I think what impacts kids is to live in the atmosphere, and watch the level of dysfunction that often occurs between parents who would be better off divorced.

I was raised in a family that stayed together because of their only child. Mom dreamed of having a cabin in the woods, where she could be free of verbal, emotional and mental abuse. Dad simply ignored her existence.
But they stayed together for the sake of...my having to witness that level of dysfunction all of my years until I moved out as soon as was legally possible.

So rather than them divorcing for their own sake, so their child could learn by that example of what it means to seek salvation out of a bad relationship for one's own sake and for the sake of the child that witnesses all of it, they stayed together in a dysfunctional abusive environment. One that wouldn't have even been considered a relationship save for the relationship they had in hating one another and the level of self-loathing that engendered. And in the end, it was I who left them as soon as I turned 18.

Mom was dad's second wife. He was her first husband. They remained together until dead they did part. Because by the time they were in their 60's their resignation to their life was impressed upon by the cancers they suffered until the end.

In my opinion, narcissism is staying together when the love is gone, because one thinks the child can't do without that image and likeness of a family model. Dysfunctional as it is.
Parents are the role models for any child(ren). Children aren't stupid. They can see and feel what's happening. The fights make it readily apparent. And as such, all of that impresses upon a boy or girl, what relationships look like, and their place in them when they're old enough.
Quote this message in a reply
11-10-2010, 06:59 PM
RE: Marriage
I think that living together is fine, or marriage, either way is cool. Most States have laws protecting people who have lived together for a certain period of time as far as property and children go. The thing is that most companies insurance only cover marriage partners, not non-married partners (in the States, other developed countries have socialized medicine) etc. It's mostly for legal purposes, plus, even though the divorce rate is high, most people will split up faster (if they are going to split up) if they are living together rather than the married ones. Not that it's good to stay together if you can't stand each other or anything. LIke BnW said, it's more of a commitment thing.
I've been married for 20+ years, and before that I was married for 8. I like being married to my husband now, but if something happened I would never get married again, or live with anyone. When you get to a certain age (i'm 48) you just don't want to put up with anyone else's eccentricities.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
11-10-2010, 07:16 PM
RE: Marriage
Quote:In my opinion, narcissism is staying together when the love is gone, because one thinks the child can't do without that image and likeness of a family model. Dysfunctional as it is.
Parents are the role models for any child(ren). Children aren't stupid. They can see and feel what's happening. The fights make it readily apparent. And as such, all of that impresses upon a boy or girl, what relationships look like, and their place in them when they're old enough.

I should have clarified my comment. I don't believe you stay in a marriage no matter what, and I don't think kids benefit from being in household where the parents are openly hostile to each other. Sometimes divorce is the best option for everyone. However, I do think that today people are far too quick to walk away from their commitments and ignore the impacts their actions have on others, specifically their children. Sometimes breaking up is the best thing, but sometimes it is not. Each situation is unique.

Quote:Most States have laws protecting people who have lived together for a certain period of time as far as property and children go.

Not a family law guy but I'm not sure that is true. Most states of done away with common law marriage. A parent always has rights where a child is concerned, married or otherwise, but property? I don't think so. At least not in most states in the US.

In Europe they have a legal status of "partner" where, I believe, you get certain rights. There are several Europeans on this board so maybe one of them could comment as I don't know the intricacies of it.

Shackle their minds when they're bent on the cross
When ignorance reigns, life is lost
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
11-10-2010, 07:19 PM
RE: Marriage
Maybe not on the property thing. heck, I've been married almost all my adult life so i really have no idea on current law.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
11-10-2010, 09:29 PM
 
RE: Marriage
(11-10-2010 05:36 PM)BnW Wrote:  From my perspective, marriage - in the sense of a commitment - is not an outdated concept. And, if you think separate parents don't have a negative impact on the kids, I think you're kidding yourself. I think the issue is not so much that marriage is "out" as much as selfishness and narcissism is "in".

I completely agree with this. Just watching the effect their grandparent's divorce had on my kids (and the subsequent change of relationship) has made me re-think my views about marriage. I think it's essential that my hubby and I stay together in a good marriage for the sake of my daughters who I would do absolutely anything for. Frankly, most of what it takes to have a good marriage relationship is what it takes to be a good person in general: kindness, maturity, humility, acceptance, and lots and lots of patience. These qualities do seem to be lacking in our selfish, materialistic society.

We've had our ups and downs, and some really, really hard times. Working through those made us grow up and become better people.
Quote this message in a reply
Post Reply
Forum Jump: