Marriage and Divorce
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06-07-2015, 05:45 AM
Marriage and Divorce
With marriage between to people of the same gender being legal, I saw a lot of backlash on Facebook as well as other social media sites. One thing I was starting to notice was that the majority of the people with such great grievances with this are not even married or have been married multiple times. Just a random fact but this is leading to something I promise.

So I was reading this article on rawstory about Wayne Allyn Root, a well known conservative, and this is what he had to say in his latest rant:

“Marriage is the most difficult thing in the world,” he said, “I’m talking to you as someone who has been married 24 years, marriage is so difficult that if you do not go to church every Sunday and your whole life isn’t built on a bedrock faith in God and you don’t have kids and your whole life isn’t built around those kids and none of that’s in place and you’re married, the odds of you staying married are close to zero. Divorces will now triple. Gays will never stay married. They just bought themselves the biggest bunch of unhappiness and legal bills that they could ever imagine.”


What stuck out the most with this was the first sentence. Why does it have to be difficult? Why do we get stuck in these social norms and think you're suppose to do these thing? I've noticed this is more "normal" for the south about what your "duties" are in life.

If you're a man you are suppose to womanize until you find you someone who puts up with you. Then you never show emotion work hard at some terrible dangerous job and that's it.

If you are a woman well you just do whatever your husband needs. If you fail him it gives him the right to do what he sees fit and no matter what you can't leave him or else you're part of the problem.

Now together you're suppose to pump out at least two kids raise them and be miserable doing so. Which again begs the question why?

I understand that everything is not easy in a marriage but damn I've never taken it to the point of being miserable. I think mainly because me and my wife are not constricted to the Christian/social norm that our country has. We don't have gender selective chores. She knows how to change oil(as do I), I know how to bake a cake. She works full time just as I do and we both pay our share of the mortgage. We have equal say in what happens in our household simple as that. I understand most of us run our households the same way but you'd be surprised at how some of the more conservative parts of the country operates.

At the end of the day I think you shouldn't live hating your marriage. If it's not working out why suffer and not deal with the problem that both parties are seeing. Sometimes people grow apart and it's ok to leave. I see that as more respectable that just sticking it out and cheating on the side. I digress.

I just think people should take the time out sometimes to really ask themselves what they actually think. We get so wrapped up in the NORMAL way we never think to do things OUR way.
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06-07-2015, 05:53 AM
RE: Marriage and Divorce
As an atheist who's been married for almost 20 years, my first and only marriage, while the religious people in my family have divorced with mad abandon, I'd say Root is full of shit. Marriage has its ups and downs, sure, but I would not call it the most difficult thing in the world. I agree that the model of marriage where each partner has strictly defined and limited roles is one that leads to resentment on both sides over time. The Christian congregations that reinforce that model are doing a disservice.
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06-07-2015, 06:44 AM
RE: Marriage and Divorce
Do you know what I think? I'll tell you anyway... hahahahaha. I think that as human beings we don't like uncertainty. We prefer structure rather than no structure because no structure is unpredictable. Many people have heard now that marriage is difficult but they still go ahead a rush to it because it represents structure.

Something is impossible until someone does it. What needs to happen? We need to see more people that are successful and leading fulfilling lives that aren't married. Then people may start accepting that it is possible. People need to see that even if you're not married that there can still be a structure in that very thing.

What a load of crap I just wrote. Hahahahaaha.

8000 years before Jesus, the Egyptian god Horus said, "I am the way, the truth, the life."
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06-07-2015, 06:48 AM
RE: Marriage and Divorce
This guy is an asshole and a half.

First and foremost, the potential difficulty of marriage is no reason to deny people their equal rights. I'm sure some number of gay couples will end up with the same problems that straight couples have after marriage, and they will go through divorces and what not. So what?

As for this morons view that religion and god makes marriage work, perhaps he can explain why the most religious states usually rank as having the highest incidents of divorce.

But, this argument of "we're saving you from the headaches of marriage" is just bullshit. Fuck this asshole. I'm really getting sick of these people.

I'll say it again: the revolution is over. The bigots lost.

Shackle their minds when they're bent on the cross
When ignorance reigns, life is lost
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06-07-2015, 06:52 AM
RE: Marriage and Divorce
(06-07-2015 05:53 AM)julep Wrote:  As an atheist who's been married for almost 20 years, my first and only marriage, while the religious people in my family have divorced with mad abandon, I'd say Root is full of shit. Marriage has its ups and downs, sure, but I would not call it the most difficult thing in the world. I agree that the model of marriage where each partner has strictly defined and limited roles is one that leads to resentment on both sides over time. The Christian congregations that reinforce that model are doing a disservice.

Yeah I never got why they do that. They sit here and try to put up a front when deep down their just as fucked up and most of the time it's worst.
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06-07-2015, 06:55 AM
RE: Marriage and Divorce
(06-07-2015 06:48 AM)BnW Wrote:  As for this morons view that religion and god makes marriage work, perhaps he can explain why the most religious states usually rank as having the highest incidents of divorce.

If the basis of his marriages is belief in an imaginary god based on the writings of a bronze-age herding culture then I'm not surprised they failed.

Atheism: it's not just for communists any more!
America July 4 1776 - November 8 2016 RIP
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06-07-2015, 07:02 AM
RE: Marriage and Divorce
(06-07-2015 06:55 AM)unfogged Wrote:  
(06-07-2015 06:48 AM)BnW Wrote:  As for this morons view that religion and god makes marriage work, perhaps he can explain why the most religious states usually rank as having the highest incidents of divorce.

If the basis of his marriages is belief in an imaginary god based on the writings of a bronze-age herding culture then I'm not surprised they failed.

Seriously because all that god guy does is fail.
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06-07-2015, 07:37 AM
RE: Marriage and Divorce
So in short without faith life sucks. I would be surprised if believer thought otherwise.

And about divorces - let's say that there indeed would be more of them, lot more. So what? It's equal rights that matters not number of divorces I would say.

The first revolt is against the supreme tyranny of theology, of the phantom of God. As long as we have a master in heaven, we will be slaves on earth.

Mikhail Bakunin.
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06-07-2015, 09:29 AM
RE: Marriage and Divorce
My college girlfriend, a grad student who helped me to grasp that I was an actual atheist and not just an "Ijustdontgiveafuckist", keeps in touch with me via Facebook. Wonderful girl; we stayed friends after our breakup, and I introduced her to her husband, to whom she is still married 15 years later. They have a beautiful kid. She is now a sex therapist and (along with that job desription) often serves as a sort of marriage counselor.

Both of them are atheists. They have an excellent marriage in large part because they don't keep to strict gender roles or "traditional" expectations of one another. They are a partnership, and wonderful to behold in-action.

Her best advice, as far as I've seen: "Don't ever think that it's HER job to do any chore. Figure out what you're both good at, and divide your chores and responsibilities in the relationship as if you were both of the same gender."

Under that perspective, gay marriage may be the best thing that could possibly happen to the overall institution of marriage, showing everyone a model of equality. No wonder the Christians fear it so much... I've been trying to figure out why they're so adamant about the issue, given that the anti-gay verses are so few and so nebulous (in the NT version, anyway), compared to many many other "sins" (like divorce, which they seem to accept). Perhaps it is that somehow, subconsciously or otherwise, they recognize that a model of truly egalitarian marriage undermines the entire foundation of their Patriarchal, Bronze Age model of social construction.

The rest of us will just go right along happily treating our women like human beings and vice versa. Fuck those Fundies and their Bronze Age tribal sheepherder claptrap. Fuck them right in the ear.

"Theology made no provision for evolution. The biblical authors had missed the most important revelation of all! Could it be that they were not really privy to the thoughts of God?" - E. O. Wilson
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06-07-2015, 09:47 AM
RE: Marriage and Divorce
Meh...

Hubby and I started dating in 1984 and got married in 1988 -- as an atheist, I find the idea that I'd need to attend church to have a successful marriage rather insulting.

Since most people are religious, who exactly is getting all the divorces? Consider

A friend said on facebook about how the divorce rate will go even higher...
I actually replied that it was kind of her to deny gays the right to get married to save them from needing to divorce. Facepalm

I think she deleted me. Smile


But as if to knock me down, reality came around
And without so much as a mere touch, cut me into little pieces

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