Marriage to a believer
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09-03-2013, 06:34 AM
RE: Marriage to a believer
(08-03-2013 01:04 AM)Heywood Jahblome Wrote:  
(07-03-2013 11:58 PM)JonDoeTheThird Wrote:  I'm not sure if this is the correct place to post this thread, or if it's already been posted before (if so I apologize in advance).

I've been in a relationship with my girlfriend for about 2 years now. Everything has been great for the most part. We often like to discuss things early on before they erupt later when we're married. When we first got together I was an agnostic, then converted to Islam (which she was very happy about). My girlfriend is Jewish, but isn't very strict in practice. She prays every night, goes to temple whenever she can, and prays before eating. That's about the extent of it. After about a year of being Muslim I decided it was all a load of crap and became atheist (that story is much longer, but I don't want to get off topic). She was very upset at this initially, but after I explained my reasoning she seemed to accept it.

The only issue that comes up for me is CHILDREN. I want to marry this woman, but I'm very afraid of raising religious kids. She's VERY insistent on the children being raised under Judaism. I was raised Christian, and I know it differs a bit from Reformed Judaism, but I know how much pressure a child can have when introduced to a religious life. I really do not want my kids going through this. Just to end the argument I decided to let her win and allow the kids to be raised Jewish, but deep down inside it still bothers me. What should I do? I don't want to break up with her over some silly superstition, but shes not going to see it done any other way.

(Also, her mother always wanted to raise her more religiously, so that's why she feels the need to raise our kids that way.)
If you get married and have kids....its going to be a trainwreck.
This is correct. Don't do it. No
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09-03-2013, 01:45 PM
RE: Marriage to a believer
I'm atheist and married to a Christian. However, he doesn't go to church that often and we don't argue about religion. We never discussed it before having children. After my children were born, they did attend church with him. They learn about religion, but if they question it, I let them know what I think. I will not lie to them. I explain to them that some people believe this way, but I don't think it's possible. From this information, they are free to choose weather to believe or not. In my mind, it is the equivalent of believing in the supernatural. If you believe in it, fine. I will tell you why I don't, but if it helps you to sleep at night-believe what you want.

~Philosophy is questions that may never be answered. Religion is answers that may never be questioned.~
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11-03-2013, 10:43 AM
RE: Marriage to a believer
It will be a trainwreck, especially when the in-laws insist on snipping off your son's foreskin. I was married to someone who's family wanted this done and I refused, both my sons were spared this horrific mutilation.

It would be best to talk about all this before committing to marriage, you should have answers about all of this before taking the plunge.

Good luck,


"What can be asserted without evidence can also be dismissed without evidence."

- Christopher Hitchens

"For most people, religion is nothing more than a substitute for a malfunctioning brain."
- Gene Roddenberry
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11-03-2013, 10:47 AM
RE: Marriage to a believer
(11-03-2013 10:43 AM)Peter_24601 Wrote:  It will be a trainwreck, especially when the in-laws insist on snipping off your son's foreskin. I was married to someone who's family wanted this done and I refused, both my sons were spared this horrific mutilation.

It would be best to talk about all this before committing to marriage, you should have answers about all of this before taking the plunge.

Good luck,
As an atheist I still had my son circumcised. Not for religious reasons, but because I think it is more sanitary. I didn't put much thought into it, and it didn't scar him for life.

~Philosophy is questions that may never be answered. Religion is answers that may never be questioned.~
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11-03-2013, 11:28 AM
RE: Marriage to a believer
(11-03-2013 10:47 AM)kellyrm Wrote:  
(11-03-2013 10:43 AM)Peter_24601 Wrote:  It will be a trainwreck, especially when the in-laws insist on snipping off your son's foreskin. I was married to someone who's family wanted this done and I refused, both my sons were spared this horrific mutilation.

It would be best to talk about all this before committing to marriage, you should have answers about all of this before taking the plunge.

Good luck,
As an atheist I still had my son circumcised. Not for religious reasons, but because I think it is more sanitary. I didn't put much thought into it, and it didn't scar him for life.
Why not cut his hands off too? Those things introduce more bacteria to the body than having five dicks could. And yes, he is scarred for life... body parts don't grow back.

The beginning of wisdom is to call things by their right names. - Chinese Proverb
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11-03-2013, 11:31 AM
RE: Marriage to a believer
(11-03-2013 11:28 AM)bbeljefe Wrote:  
(11-03-2013 10:47 AM)kellyrm Wrote:  As an atheist I still had my son circumcised. Not for religious reasons, but because I think it is more sanitary. I didn't put much thought into it, and it didn't scar him for life.
Why not cut his hands off too? Those things introduce more bacteria to the body than having five dicks could. And yes, he is scarred for life... body parts don't grow back.
What a drama queen. He didn't have a body part removed...it's no more painful than giving birth or getting a tattoo, which people do all the time. And he was young enough to not remember it. Ever encountered a sweaty uncircumcised penis? Smells like death.

~Philosophy is questions that may never be answered. Religion is answers that may never be questioned.~
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11-03-2013, 11:37 AM
RE: Marriage to a believer
I'm a non-believer and will allow my first son to be circumcised. I look at it as more of a custom from the bible belt area that I live in, I don't have mine and there's never been a day where I felt like I missed it. Its not even worth having an argument with my wife.

As for the religious upbringing, its good you're having this discussion now. My wife and I had this discussion and I told her that she could bring up kids up in a church but Word of Faith, prosperity gospel churches are off limits (what I was raised), so are any crazy cultish churches (any which practices shunning). I wont' join them except for on Easter and Christmas and once my children are old enough (12+) if they ask I'm going to give them my reasons for not believing and by the time they drive they can choose for themselves if they want to continue to go.

I don't see this being a major issue since my wife doesn't actively go to church, but if it becomes one its good to discuss these things from the start. At least now you're not already married and deconverting.
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11-03-2013, 11:41 AM
RE: Marriage to a believer
(11-03-2013 11:31 AM)kellyrm Wrote:  
(11-03-2013 11:28 AM)bbeljefe Wrote:  Why not cut his hands off too? Those things introduce more bacteria to the body than having five dicks could. And yes, he is scarred for life... body parts don't grow back.
What a drama queen. He didn't have a body part removed...it's no more painful than giving birth or getting a tattoo, which people do all the time. And he was young enough to not remember it. Ever encountered a sweaty uncircumcised penis? Smells like death.
Adults choose to give birth and have tattoos, children don't have the option of choosing. Females go through some pretty smelly times with their genitals as well but we somehow find the compassion to refrain from lobbing off parts of their genitals, so why the double standard?

Understand, my wife and I also fell for the sanitary nonsense when our son was a baby but since then we have learned the truth of the matter and have changed our position on genital mutilation. We've also apologized to our son and we don't make excuses or try to minimize the affair in order to avoid facing the fact that we denied him the option of deciding what is best for his body.

The beginning of wisdom is to call things by their right names. - Chinese Proverb
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11-03-2013, 11:42 AM
RE: Marriage to a believer
Um, according to my wife (comparing pain thresholds), childbirth is certainly worse than a brit! I have had a bit of surgery down there without a local, and I agree with her.

“I've done everything the Bible says — even the stuff that contradicts the other stuff!"— Ned Flanders
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11-03-2013, 11:44 AM
RE: Marriage to a believer
I had my son circumcised as well for non-religious intent. I honestly didn't know that there was any debate on the matter until about a week before his birth and my wife asked me what my opinion on the matter was. I frankly didn't know there was much of a choice but I was wrong. Did conformity play into our decision, honestly, a little. The doctor said it was our choice with neither being a "mistake". While I don't know what it's like to be uncircumcised, I don't have any regret as weak as that argument may be. I will say that an non surgical environment was never an option.

what's done is done and it was done with deliberation and thought. Could we have been wrong, sure, but I have no regrets. There are lots of decisions parents make about their children that can't be undone.
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