Married to a Believer...Success
Post Reply
 
Thread Rating:
  • 0 Votes - 0 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
01-10-2013, 07:10 PM
Married to a Believer...Success
Hey folks...I've been lurking a long time, and seen this issue come up repeatedly. I wanted to share with you my success, and hope that maybe we can exchange ideas to improve all of our home lives. I'm damn sure not perfect, but our household works well, and maybe there's something we can do to help.

My wife and I have known each other for almost 20 years...since we were kids. Her family is composed of rigid fundies, complete with all the "that's why I'm not a Christian" thoughts at their psychotic behavior. My family is all Christian, and my atheism is not discussed as it is yet another of my lifelong shortcomings.

Us - We dated as teens...religion was never really discussed. we went to different colleges 1000 miles apart. We always stayed close, until about 10 years ago, we were both at a place in our lives that we realized we were right for each other. BEFORE we entertained the idea of marriage...I made SURE she understood I was in no way a believer. She made it clear that she was. It wasn't a problem. It still isn't a problem.

We discuss differences...I explain the absurdity of Bible stories...she doesn't have the best of explanations, but she listens, and does not get offended. She worries about my "soul"...I listen, and don't get offended.

We are both well educated, and I can say she is a damn smart woman...she has a really nice ass too, which is totally relevant. I think she may come to see the irrationality of living life under the thumb of a loosely anonymous bronze age story book written by peasants decades/centuries after the alleged occurrences witnessed by scientifically illiterate goat herders. *Especially since I said exactly that to her, and she wasn’t offended…so she does have a solid brain up there.

Children – we have 3 boys: 5, 2, and a month old. The oldest goes to a Christian private school…and I approve. Why? He is a very intelligent kid…as in…REALLY smart. He was ready for kindergarten at 18 months. Every school we have tried doesn’t address his educational needs, and his birthday puts him a year behind his class. The school we found has small classes, aggressive curriculum, and tests kids into their appropriate grade level…so now he’s a 5 year old in 1st grade, making straight A’s with little effort. So how do we deal with the son of an atheist at a Christian school? When he discusses Bible stories, I ask him questions…what does HE think would/could happen. Nothing leading, or trying to swing him over to my side…just questions to engage his mind.

I’m saying all this to let you know it can be done, and it can also be an amazing union. Yeah…your spouse is different than mine, just as I am different than you. But we are wired much the same, and if there is anything we can think of together to make things run a little smoother, let’s talk about it.

I’ll leave you with this…the ultimate thinker-daddy pride moment. I’m tucking in my 5 year old, no mention whatsoever of Bible stories. He asked me if [G]od loves everyone. I tell him he will have to talk to mommy about that. He says, “Daddy…if [G]od loves everyone so much, why did he flood the world…all the kids, and friends, and puppies died…” “Does that sound like love to you, buddy?” “No daddy, it sounds mean.”

So let's talk about it!

Let your anger be as a monkey in a piñata...hiding amongst the candy...hoping the kids don't break through with the stick!

---Master Tang---
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 9 users Like LunchBox's post
01-10-2013, 07:19 PM
RE: Married to a Believer...Success
I'm not one of those in need of this advice, but thank you for starting this thread all the same. I know it will be a very valuable resource to many of our members. Big Grin

Believe nothing, no matter where you read it, or who has said it- not even if I have said it- unless it agrees with your own reason and your own common sense. - Buddha
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 1 user Likes Ohio Sky's post
01-10-2013, 07:53 PM
RE: Married to a Believer...Success
Thanks for that...I feel like I'm pounding my chest...but that isn't my intention, nor do I want it to be. I just know how it is sometimes...when you're looking for some light in the dark...just hoping I can help a little. This path has been a bitch for me...I left teaching because I was at a rural school in Texas...it was just a matter of time before the torch and pitch-fork crowd came around. We need each other.

Let your anger be as a monkey in a piñata...hiding amongst the candy...hoping the kids don't break through with the stick!

---Master Tang---
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 1 user Likes LunchBox's post
02-10-2013, 07:37 AM
RE: Married to a Believer...Success
(01-10-2013 07:10 PM)LunchBox Wrote:  Hey folks...I've been lurking a long time, and seen this issue come up repeatedly. I wanted to share with you my success, and hope that maybe we can exchange ideas to improve all of our home lives. I'm damn sure not perfect, but our household works well, and maybe there's something we can do to help.

My wife and I have known each other for almost 20 years...since we were kids. Her family is composed of rigid fundies, complete with all the "that's why I'm not a Christian" thoughts at their psychotic behavior. My family is all Christian, and my atheism is not discussed as it is yet another of my lifelong shortcomings.

Us - We dated as teens...religion was never really discussed. we went to different colleges 1000 miles apart. We always stayed close, until about 10 years ago, we were both at a place in our lives that we realized we were right for each other. BEFORE we entertained the idea of marriage...I made SURE she understood I was in no way a believer. She made it clear that she was. It wasn't a problem. It still isn't a problem.

We discuss differences...I explain the absurdity of Bible stories...she doesn't have the best of explanations, but she listens, and does not get offended. She worries about my "soul"...I listen, and don't get offended.

We are both well educated, and I can say she is a damn smart woman...she has a really nice ass too, which is totally relevant. I think she may come to see the irrationality of living life under the thumb of a loosely anonymous bronze age story book written by peasants decades/centuries after the alleged occurrences witnessed by scientifically illiterate goat herders. *Especially since I said exactly that to her, and she wasn’t offended…so she does have a solid brain up there.

Children – we have 3 boys: 5, 2, and a month old. The oldest goes to a Christian private school…and I approve. Why? He is a very intelligent kid…as in…REALLY smart. He was ready for kindergarten at 18 months. Every school we have tried doesn’t address his educational needs, and his birthday puts him a year behind his class. The school we found has small classes, aggressive curriculum, and tests kids into their appropriate grade level…so now he’s a 5 year old in 1st grade, making straight A’s with little effort. So how do we deal with the son of an atheist at a Christian school? When he discusses Bible stories, I ask him questions…what does HE think would/could happen. Nothing leading, or trying to swing him over to my side…just questions to engage his mind.

I’m saying all this to let you know it can be done, and it can also be an amazing union. Yeah…your spouse is different than mine, just as I am different than you. But we are wired much the same, and if there is anything we can think of together to make things run a little smoother, let’s talk about it.

I’ll leave you with this…the ultimate thinker-daddy pride moment. I’m tucking in my 5 year old, no mention whatsoever of Bible stories. He asked me if [G]od loves everyone. I tell him he will have to talk to mommy about that. He says, “Daddy…if [G]od loves everyone so much, why did he flood the world…all the kids, and friends, and puppies died…” “Does that sound like love to you, buddy?” “No daddy, it sounds mean.”

So let's talk about it!

Lunchbox,

Thanks for your post. I really appreciate your insight and I will mine your post for nuggets that I might be able to apply to my situation. Congrats on your success!

"But," says Man, "the Babel fish is a dead giveaway isn't it? It could not have evolved by chance. It proves you exist, and so therefore, by your own arguments, you don't. QED"
"Oh dear," says God, "I hadn't thought of that," and promptly vanishes in a puff of logic.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 1 user Likes Straylight's post
02-10-2013, 08:21 AM
RE: Married to a Believer...Success
1. Nice post

2. I think it's in the wrong section because it's pretty obvious that you guys have your heads screwed on and you are not in need of our support.

3. Good on'ya

(01-10-2013 07:10 PM)LunchBox Wrote:  ...
she has a really nice ass
...

4... Pics or it didn't happen.

Wink

Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 2 users Like DLJ's post
02-10-2013, 05:24 PM
RE: Married to a Believer...Success
(02-10-2013 08:21 AM)DLJ Wrote:  
(01-10-2013 07:10 PM)LunchBox Wrote:  ...
she has a really nice ass
...

4... Pics or it didn't happen.

Wink

Well...that all depends on "how far" the pic could go...I do have a lovely one of her lying on the bed...side shot so ya can't see...well..."the goods".

Let your anger be as a monkey in a piñata...hiding amongst the candy...hoping the kids don't break through with the stick!

---Master Tang---
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
02-10-2013, 05:33 PM
RE: Married to a Believer...Success
There are a few of us here with similar stories. I'm an atheist and she's a Catholic. Married 27 years ago in a Catholic Church in front a drunk Catholic Priest (wait, that's redundant). It's never been an issue. ... Now Anthony Wiener and Huma Abedin, a Jew who likes to post his dick online married to a Muslim, that's gotta take some work. Big Grin

As it was in the beginning is now and ever shall be, world without end. Amen.
And I will show you something different from either
Your shadow at morning striding behind you
Or your shadow at evening rising to meet you;
I will show you fear in a handful of dust.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
02-10-2013, 05:39 PM
RE: Married to a Believer...Success
(02-10-2013 07:37 AM)Straylight Wrote:  Lunchbox,

Thanks for your post. I really appreciate your insight and I will mine your post for nuggets that I might be able to apply to my situation. Congrats on your success!

Thanks man...a very important attitude to take here is respect. A lot of times we get so fired up, we can be rather condescending...not that there's anything wrong with that. But with a spouse, you want to see them naked again, and you want to be as reasonable, and thoughtful as possible...in the hopes of planting seeds of skepticism. The more hard-edged you are about it, the more push back you will likely receive.

*I'll share a conversation...don't know how we got on the subject:

Well, some of the stories in the Bible seem, kinda out there...maybe you could explain so I can understand it from your perspective.

OK, like what?

Well...take the story in Exodus, the passover, in which [G]od doesn't kill the bad guys...but instead personally kills their kids. He himself did it...but why kill the kids? Why not punish the assholes themselves?

I think he wanted to hit them where it hurt, and teach them a lesson.

OK, and that would be horrible. But wouldn't it be more reasonable to strike them dead, and have the Jewish families take in those kids to raise properly? Think about it...you send a powerful message, "you mess with my people, I wipe you out." On top of that, you gain the opportunity to take those kids, and foster them, bringing them up in your faith, and changing the direction of that civilization thereafter. Seems a much better plan...to me.

Totally nonconfontational, open, respectful, and you still get to lay out some of the rediculous claims in an inviting manner. I got a lot further than telling her she believes in a psychopathic baby killer, yet is morally "perfect"...

Let your anger be as a monkey in a piñata...hiding amongst the candy...hoping the kids don't break through with the stick!

---Master Tang---
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
04-10-2013, 05:51 AM
RE: Married to a Believer...Success
Thanks for this.

My situation puts me in a different boat, considering my wife and I were believers our whole lives and now I am in the closet about my [lack of] religious beliefs.

Either way it was really encouraging. Thank you.

[Image: slaininthespirit-3.jpg]
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
05-10-2013, 03:02 PM
RE: Married to a Believer...Success
(04-10-2013 05:51 AM)zachzachzachzach Wrote:  Thanks for this.

My situation puts me in a different boat, considering my wife and I were believers our whole lives and now I am in the closet about my [lack of] religious beliefs.

Either way it was really encouraging. Thank you.

Zach (just taking a guess there Wink )...I know there are a lot of atheists who get pissy about "closet-cases"...but do not be ashamed of feeling like you "need" to hide it. The reality is, a lot of us closet-casers, present or former, are/were protecting a lifestyle; one we want to keep. Religion demands shame...that's why we don't want to say anything, because we understand that we are still good people, but we know their "judgement" is aimed right at us. Besides my wife, and a couple of choice friends...nobody knew what an evil baby-eating monster I was when I was a teacher...and that ended back in June. You will eventually have quite a conversation with your wife...and there is no way of knowing how it will go...she may get pissed...she may be hiding the same doubts. You may start asking her some feeler questions...shit...have the exact same conversation I had above, with her!

Let your anger be as a monkey in a piñata...hiding amongst the candy...hoping the kids don't break through with the stick!

---Master Tang---
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
Post Reply
Forum Jump: