Married to a Christian
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18-04-2015, 11:53 AM
Married to a Christian
My wife and I have been married for about a year now. But we’ve been together for 6. We relate on practically every issue whether it be politics, family values, and pop cutler. Every issue but one; Religion. It is one of the hottest buttons in our house. Our largest arguments start over a question I ask her on the subject or something she tells me to do. (Praying over my food for example.) I can’t really say I’m a closeted Atheist if questions on a subject of religion I usually chime in but for the most part I keep to myself. My wife is a Christian prays whenever she has a chance. Hangs Jesus quotes on the wall. And has made clams at seeing Angels. I love her and often turn a blinds eye on the matter unless she pushes me. My atheism is secret to her family and some of her older friends. I've asked her not to bring the subject up around them because they are STRONG believes. I’m not worried about me, I know I can stand my ground when I come to the subject. I’m more worried about her. I don’t what them to shun her. Or at worst stress her into leaving me. I know they would. I am a former Roman Catholic and normally address myself as such around her family when the subject of Religion comes up. “Well the Roman Catholics believe.” “In the Catholic Church they…”

Recently I found out Seth Andrews will be close to our home town. Needless to say I would be interested to see him live. I was thinking about going but so few of my friends are Atheist’s and the ones that are, have said that they have no interest in going because it would be too much like church. So not wanting to go alone I’ve nervously asked my wife.

Me: So there will be an Atheist Seminar in San Diego in June. I would like to go to it and was wondering if you be willing to go as well. I know it’s not something you’re interested in, and I don’t want to force you to do anything you wouldn’t want to do.

Wife:

Me: Just thought you would be interested in seeing a different point of view. It be like when you were younger and Your mother took you to different types of churches. (Her mother wanted them to make their own decisions when it came to religion. Well sort of. They were always Christian churches. But different denominations of Christen.)

Wife: Atheism is a cult.

Me: What?! What do you think atheism is?

Wife: They don’t believe there’s a god, The ea..

Me: Stop right there you got it. That’s it. It’s an answer to one question. It has no doctrine, no dogma, demands. Just a stance on one subject. You can believe anything you like outside that. Sasquatch, Ghost, that Rabbits feet give you good luck. It’s just that one subject. And you’re an Atheist just like I am. I just go one god further.

Wife: What do you mean?

Me: You’re not worried about not dying in battle. So that you can grace the halls of Valhalla. You don’t worry that making a blood offering to Zeus. So he will bring good fortune upon you. You don’t worry about Ra not picking up the sun.

Wife: Well those are just Myths.

Me: Yes, but at a time people truly believed in them. They were THE gods!

She looked down think about something then the check came for our meal and we left. I never got an answer if she would go with me or not.

She’s not stupid, just ignorant. What I've come to realize is her friends and family have keep her in the dark on a lot of subjects. Mostly Science. Her head nearly exploded when I told her the Sun was a Star. I had to show her the facts to back it up, because she just couldn't believe it.

So here’s my question. Do I push her to go with me? Do I make her feel guilty for bring me to church for Easter and Christmas for the last 6 years. And I never once have I forced her to do anything from my perspective. Or do I just backup? Be the bigger man and not force her to doing what she not willing to do. I came to terms threw my own journey. I want to bring her so that maybe she can see being an Atheist isn't a bad thing. Meeting good educated people may make her at least put her guard down a little more. Or maybe, make her question some of her more outrageous beliefs.

I’m not happy when she brings me to her church. The last time we went for Easter the sermon was mostly about how “Naturalism” is just another religion that doesn’t have salvation. Where Christianity gives answers to all those tuff questions. God. (I was so angry) So i don’t want this to blow up in my face. I don’t want to lose her.

Don't Live each day like it's your last. Live each day like you have 541 days after that one where every choice you make will have lasting implications to you and the world around you. ~ Tim Minchin
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18-04-2015, 11:56 AM
RE: Married to a Christian
Cost benefit, if you both love each other then you have to be willing to either not talk about it, or agree to conditions moving forward, or be willing to accept that it wont work. But only you can judge that.

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18-04-2015, 01:48 PM
RE: Married to a Christian
Quote: I don’t want to lose her.

The question you need to ask yourself is, if she had to choose between you and her delusions, which way would she go?

Depending on the answer you reach you'll need to determine if you can remain perpetually in second place.

Atheism is NOT a Religion. It's A Personal Relationship With Reality!
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18-04-2015, 02:42 PM
RE: Married to a Christian
No, I don't feel it's a choice between her faith or me. It was something we talked about a lot before we got married. I even placed the option on the table. "This is who I am. This is who your getting." Like I said, everything else is great! I lived a pretty lonely and heartache life before I met her. I never meet a girl quite like her and I feel I never will. But I feel that she's lived in a bottle most of her life. She's never left her home town, she's lived in the same apartment with her mother her whole life, and she believes in the bible whole-heatedly. When we first meet her friends were even there watching over us to make sure I didn't do anything funny. So she's been trapped in this box. When she meet me we've gone to trips to other states, I've been bringing her to museums she becomes fascinated. I would be happy if she was able to take off the God glasses.

Have ether of you been in similar situations? How did it play out?

Don't Live each day like it's your last. Live each day like you have 541 days after that one where every choice you make will have lasting implications to you and the world around you. ~ Tim Minchin
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18-04-2015, 02:49 PM
RE: Married to a Christian
Women generally look at a guy as a "fix-er-upper"......

You just have that one little flaw she needs to "fix"....
Wink

Kidding aside - unless you NEVER want to go to sleep first -- NEVER piss off the woman you live with....

.......................................

The difference between prayer and masturbation - is when a guy is through masturbating - he has something to show for his efforts.
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18-04-2015, 04:41 PM
RE: Married to a Christian
Quote:How did it play out?

I have not. My wife thinks religion is as stupid as I do. My son married a xtian, though and, as OLB says above, she thought she could fix him. She couldn't. They are now divorced.

Atheism is NOT a Religion. It's A Personal Relationship With Reality!
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18-04-2015, 04:47 PM
RE: Married to a Christian
(18-04-2015 02:42 PM)Commonsensei Wrote:  No, I don't feel it's a choice between her faith or me. It was something we talked about a lot before we got married. I even placed the option on the table. "This is who I am. This is who your getting." Like I said, everything else is great! I lived a pretty lonely and heartache life before I met her. I never meet a girl quite like her and I feel I never will. But I feel that she's lived in a bottle most of her life. She's never left her home town, she's lived in the same apartment with her mother her whole life, and she believes in the bible whole-heatedly. When we first meet her friends were even there watching over us to make sure I didn't do anything funny. So she's been trapped in this box. When she meet me we've gone to trips to other states, I've been bringing her to museums she becomes fascinated. I would be happy if she was able to take off the God glasses.

Have ether of you been in similar situations? How did it play out?

I was married to a Catholic. We're divorced.

How old is your wife? She sounds quite young.

Skepticism is not a position; it is an approach to claims.
Science is not a subject, but a method.
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18-04-2015, 04:53 PM
RE: Married to a Christian
(18-04-2015 11:53 AM)Commonsensei Wrote:  My wife and I have been married for about a year now. But we’ve been together for 6. We relate on practically every issue whether it be politics, family values, and pop cutler. Every issue but one; Religion. It is one of the hottest buttons in our house. Our largest arguments start over a question I ask her on the subject or something she tells me to do. (Praying over my food for example.) I can’t really say I’m a closeted Atheist if questions on a subject of religion I usually chime in but for the most part I keep to myself. My wife is a Christian prays whenever she has a chance. Hangs Jesus quotes on the wall. And has made clams at seeing Angels. I love her and often turn a blinds eye on the matter unless she pushes me. My atheism is secret to her family and some of her older friends. I've asked her not to bring the subject up around them because they are STRONG believes. I’m not worried about me, I know I can stand my ground when I come to the subject. I’m more worried about her. I don’t what them to shun her. Or at worst stress her into leaving me. I know they would. I am a former Roman Catholic and normally address myself as such around her family when the subject of Religion comes up. “Well the Roman Catholics believe.” “In the Catholic Church they…”

Recently I found out Seth Andrews will be close to our home town. Needless to say I would be interested to see him live. I was thinking about going but so few of my friends are Atheist’s and the ones that are, have said that they have no interest in going because it would be too much like church. So not wanting to go alone I’ve nervously asked my wife.

Me: So there will be an Atheist Seminar in San Diego in June. I would like to go to it and was wondering if you be willing to go as well. I know it’s not something you’re interested in, and I don’t want to force you to do anything you wouldn’t want to do.

Wife:

Me: Just thought you would be interested in seeing a different point of view. It be like when you were younger and Your mother took you to different types of churches. (Her mother wanted them to make their own decisions when it came to religion. Well sort of. They were always Christian churches. But different denominations of Christen.)

Wife: Atheism is a cult.

Me: What?! What do you think atheism is?

Wife: They don’t believe there’s a god, The ea..

Me: Stop right there you got it. That’s it. It’s an answer to one question. It has no doctrine, no dogma, demands. Just a stance on one subject. You can believe anything you like outside that. Sasquatch, Ghost, that Rabbits feet give you good luck. It’s just that one subject. And you’re an Atheist just like I am. I just go one god further.

Wife: What do you mean?

Me: You’re not worried about not dying in battle. So that you can grace the halls of Valhalla. You don’t worry that making a blood offering to Zeus. So he will bring good fortune upon you. You don’t worry about Ra not picking up the sun.

Wife: Well those are just Myths.

Me: Yes, but at a time people truly believed in them. They were THE gods!

She looked down think about something then the check came for our meal and we left. I never got an answer if she would go with me or not.

She’s not stupid, just ignorant. What I've come to realize is her friends and family have keep her in the dark on a lot of subjects. Mostly Science. Her head nearly exploded when I told her the Sun was a Star. I had to show her the facts to back it up, because she just couldn't believe it.

So here’s my question. Do I push her to go with me? Do I make her feel guilty for bring me to church for Easter and Christmas for the last 6 years. And I never once have I forced her to do anything from my perspective. Or do I just backup? Be the bigger man and not force her to doing what she not willing to do. I came to terms threw my own journey. I want to bring her so that maybe she can see being an Atheist isn't a bad thing. Meeting good educated people may make her at least put her guard down a little more. Or maybe, make her question some of her more outrageous beliefs.

I’m not happy when she brings me to her church. The last time we went for Easter the sermon was mostly about how “Naturalism” is just another religion that doesn’t have salvation. Where Christianity gives answers to all those tuff questions. God. (I was so angry) So i don’t want this to blow up in my face. I don’t want to lose her.

Hi Commonsensei
(great name btw)

1. Never push. Just ask and invite. You can bring a horse to water but you can't make it drink.
2. Let the anger go. Going to church doesn't make you a believer and they do have nice tunes.

Going to church might be the best thing you can do. I am willing to bet that she will start asking you questions about the sermons.

"See! doesn't that make sense?"
"Not really, do you want to know why?"

She will be coming to you for your answers. Just be yourself, love your wife and be there for her.

Let the anger go.
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18-04-2015, 05:11 PM
RE: Married to a Christian
I wouldn't take her to hear Seth. In most of his public speaking events, he is incredibly sarcastic toward believers. He is used to being surrounded by like minds at these things, so when he rips into theists, et al, it's hilarious and people laugh, but I would hardly think a woman who hangs Jesus quotes on the wall would want to sit for that and would resent the person who took her there.

I wouldn't go to church either. Just my two cents.

Check out my now-defunct atheism blog. It's just a blog, no ads, no revenue, no gods.
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Atheism promotes critical thinking; theism promotes hypocritical thinking. -- Me
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19-04-2015, 10:55 AM
RE: Married to a Christian
Wow. Your story really parallels mine. I have been married to my wife for 12 years and we have been together for almost 15. She thinks that the devil once was making her so sad because he didn't want ME to see how happy she was at church. So she basically thinks that Satan is a Dementor from Harry Potter although there is absolutely NO biblical backing to this idea. I feel you in the silly beliefs department.

In my opinion, DO NOT force, coerce, or demand that she goes with you. Would you want her to demand the same? You can't change her so don't try. Only she can change herself. Show that you don't need god to be good. If you are at odds with what she is being told, that creates cognitive dissonance which is a powerful thing. Another thing that may help is read up on the faith, the other denominations, and why there are so many. My wife and I have been talking about religion more in the last 6 months than we ever did for the first 14 years of our relationship. She does do those spoon-fed bible studies but she has never really learned much about her own religion or tried to view it from another perspective. I am sure that she has been told that I can't be a good father, or by default I am arrogant but all that can really do is show her that the perspectives of these folks are wrong. From what you stated, it almost sounds like you first need to try and separate her identity from the religion. Many instances I have experienced have led to the person feeling like I am attacking them simply because I do not share their opinion. I am pretty sure that is standard fare. Take your time, be patient, and do not force.

"If we are honest—and scientists have to be—we must admit that religion is a jumble of false assertions, with no basis in reality.
The very idea of God is a product of the human imagination."
- Paul Dirac
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