Married to a Christian
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29-07-2015, 10:07 AM
RE: Married to a Christian
You're a good guy, Robby. I hope you two have the patience to work through this.
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29-07-2015, 10:09 AM
RE: Married to a Christian
Robby I've nothing to say except I sympathize.

Hug


But as if to knock me down, reality came around
And without so much as a mere touch, cut me into little pieces

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29-07-2015, 10:45 AM
RE: Married to a Christian
I can't even relate to praying before food. I know people do it but ... I suppose, the closest I've ever come is complimenting the cook on how beautiful and delicious everthing looks and toasting the gathering of friends.
***

What does your wife write about, Robby? Is it fiction, poetry ... does she have a blog? How does she go about it?

A few very productive writers I know, have a set time they write each day. They get about an hour of actual writing in during the time when they lock the door to everything. Prior to that, some appear to carry around a little note pad to jot down thoughts while going about the day. A few will prepare by reading; sometimes mundane things, like the news paper or a magazine, while some will read a specific author or something from a specific time in history. These are just a few of the rituals to familiarize themselves with the flow of words.

Talk with your wife about her writing. Get her to express herself about it in very specific terms. Try to let her know you want to support her and help her make space for her writing. It's possible she just needs reassurance and encouragement.

A new type of thinking is essential if mankind is to survive and move to higher levels. ~ Albert Einstein
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29-07-2015, 10:48 AM
RE: Married to a Christian
I can't even imagine a situation like that. My wife is more militant of an atheist than I. She is the one that turned me on to TTA. She listens to the podcasts while doing her crafts and housework, I don't listen to the podcasts because I don't have the time, and instead do frequent drive-bys of the forum where I like to spend my time. The ability to have like minded long winded conversations about religion/politics/atheism with my wife is incredibly important to me...I can't imagine trying to plaster on a smile for familial peace, and have that constant tension....I am truly sorry you are in that situation. As intelligent and articulate as you are on this subject, it is a tragedy you have to hide that from your wife...I wish I had some decent advice....I got nothing but sympathy.....ugh, just the thought of it. Confused

"Belief is so often the death of reason" - Qyburn, Game of Thrones

"The Christian community continues to exist because the conclusions of the critical study of the Bible are largely withheld from them." -Hans Conzelmann (1915-1989)
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29-07-2015, 11:24 AM
RE: Married to a Christian
(29-07-2015 10:48 AM)goodwithoutgod Wrote:  I can't even imagine a situation like that. My wife is more militant of an atheist than I. She is the one that turned me on to TTA. She listens to the podcasts while doing her crafts and housework, I don't listen to the podcasts because I don't have the time, and instead do frequent drive-bys of the forum where I like to spend my time. The ability to have like minded long winded conversations about religion/politics/atheism with my wife is incredibly important to me...I can't imagine trying to plaster on a smile for familial peace, and have that constant tension....I am truly sorry you are in that situation. As intelligent and articulate as you are on this subject, it is a tragedy you have to hide that from your wife...I wish I had some decent advice....I got nothing but sympathy.....ugh, just the thought of it. Confused

I agree. I can't even begin to imagine how difficult that is. My heart goes out to you, Robby. I know when I was a christian and was dating an agnostic--it really put so much stress on the rship. I had constant doubts. I could not see past God. I sympathize with your wife on that part. It is really hard to untangle from that. I am so thankful I did. Now, I personally could not date anyone who was not an atheist.
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29-07-2015, 11:48 AM
RE: Married to a Christian
I didn't ever pray before eating when I was a Christian, it's too bad that such a trivial ritual is a problem.

Perhaps this is really about not accepting tradition linked to religion?

No easy way to get through this issue, hopefully you and your spouse can communicate well enough to come to a clear agreement on this issue.

That being said, you have every much a right to have your views accepted and be open about them to her and your kids.

Not an easy situation......Confused

Gods derive their power from post-hoc rationalizations. -The Inquisition

Using the supernatural to explain events in your life is a failure of the intellect to comprehend the world around you. -The Inquisition
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29-07-2015, 11:51 AM
RE: Married to a Christian
I suspect there is something deeper going on and the religion thing is just a convenient way for her to express it.

Marriage counseling seems in order and certainly not with some fucking holy joe.

Atheism is NOT a Religion. It's A Personal Relationship With Reality!
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29-07-2015, 12:00 PM
RE: Married to a Christian
(29-07-2015 10:45 AM)kim Wrote:  What does your wife write about, Robby? Is it fiction, poetry ... does she have a blog? How does she go about it?

Young adult romance.


(29-07-2015 10:45 AM)kim Wrote:  A few very productive writers I know, have a set time they write each day. They get about an hour of actual writing in during the time when they lock the door to everything. Prior to that, some appear to carry around a little note pad to jot down thoughts while going about the day. A few will prepare by reading; sometimes mundane things, like the news paper or a magazine, while some will read a specific author or something from a specific time in history. These are just a few of the rituals to familiarize themselves with the flow of words.

She does pretty much all of those things, already.


(29-07-2015 10:45 AM)kim Wrote:  Talk with your wife about her writing. Get her to express herself about it in very specific terms. Try to let her know you want to support her and help her make space for her writing. It's possible she just needs reassurance and encouragement.

This could be a good idea. I think she has some issues to work out on her own involving me not being Christian, but other forms of encouragement might take her mind off that or make it easier.
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29-07-2015, 12:00 PM
RE: Married to a Christian
I know everything your saying Rob. I'll be paying close attention on how this all plays out because i'm going threw the same thing.

Don't Live each day like it's your last. Live each day like you have 541 days after that one where every choice you make will have lasting implications to you and the world around you. ~ Tim Minchin
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29-07-2015, 12:09 PM
RE: Married to a Christian
(29-07-2015 11:48 AM)TheInquisition Wrote:  I didn't ever pray before eating when I was a Christian, it's too bad that such a trivial ritual is a problem.

Perhaps this is really about not accepting tradition linked to religion?

The prayer issue is more that it's a reminder that I don't believe. The way she puts it, this is something important to her and something she wants to be able to share with me. Of course, going back to when I was Christian, we didn't really "share" our religion with each other.

I get the feeling this is somewhat about her not getting 100% of her way on an issue she considers important, rational or not.


(29-07-2015 11:48 AM)TheInquisition Wrote:  That being said, you have every much a right to have your views accepted and be open about them to her and your kids.

No, I agree with that. Both of my kids know I don't believe, but only the six-year-old is really wrapping her head around that one. Even then, she only partially understands it.

I think a big part of my wife's fear (and one she only started to state, once ever) is that if religion is presented to our kids as something that is optional, they might not be religious. Of course, I think that's a huge fucking telling point right there regarding the efficacy of faith and belief, but that's likely flirting with a line that will end up with me getting divorced. It's amazing how much harder of a time the Holy Spirit has entering someone's heart when they aren't being indoctrinated 100% as a child... Consider
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